Killing the Zombie

Cardhue,

Great to read that you are doing well and continuing to abstain from gambling.

I can't help but think we have a lot in common. I have problems stopping things because I simply am not very good at depriving myself of things and if that means I don't have will power then so be it. However, once stopped I seem to remain stopped with little trouble.

I only have about ten weeks abstinence behind me but it is not something I fight with. I accept that now I don't gamble and that seems to work.

As for smoking, I was a serial quitter who tried to quit every day of life and failed just about every day. By the end I was frequently going about twenty hours each day without smoking only to crash on my way home from work and chain it for the rest of the night until bed time promising to do better next time. Then three days before New Year I decided that I would quit and rather than mope about it I would try to focus on all the positives. I knew I hated it I was just addicted. This time, however, I decided I would definitely not smoke no matter what happened. I had what you would call a bad moment on the second day when I came close to leaving the house to buy cigs after an argument with the wife but instead I went upstairs and sat on the bed. I have not had one bad momenet since. I have not had one craving since. Every day I remind myself how great it is to be free from nicotine and gambling addiction.

Sometimes I think it depends on how we view smoking. Are we quitting because it is the right thing to do and because it costs too much or is it because we hate it and hate being addicted to something so bad. I used to be the first category but promoted myself to the second and that mindset allowed me to finally quit for good. As I said above, I am not the best at giving something up but once I have started and get past those initial days there is no stopping me.

I will not allow complacency to drive me back to these two terrible addictions and I hope you don't either. Never underestimate the size of your achievement with going over a year without gambling. Never go back.

Good to hear from your again.

Take care.

Tomso.

Fell off the smoking wagon ( sounds like a scene from a Western!) - I mean, I had 3 cigarettes. Very disappointing to be starting back at square one.

Was at the pub for quite a while and the pull got too much. My smoking was actually premeditated. I was meeting a friend who'd also stopped but who I thought would have been persuading me to have a f*g. In the end he stayed strong, yet I didn't. However, that seed had been sown, that green light was still showing, and I just couldn't shake off the craving. If I hadn't thought had those earlier expectations I would've been fine. Addiction is such a strange thing.

Hey ho. Certainly back to no smoking after my blip. Find the thought of it repulsive.

Still, no gamble since 15th Jan 2013

Haven't been counting the days for a long time but instead counting in weeks or months. A quick calculation shows that I'm something like 409 days gamble free. Liking that as it sounds a lot more than saying 13+months.

Everything going well. Finished some pretty hellish exams, now having a long lie in - thinking I really should get up and prep for GF's parents visiting later.

No thoughts of gambling and appreciating the foundation which not gambling is now starting to provide.

Good luck everyone

Hi Cardhue, really like the Zombie name choice, very apt. Thank you for your recent post and a huge congratulations on getting where your at too. 40 odd days is A+ in my book and I can only hope you get the same mark in your recent exam. Quitting smoking though, that must be a nightmare, but you've done it before and I'm sure you'll *** it. If anything is certain you have both willpower and determination and with these attributes anything is possible.

Cheers

Steve

Got some blood tests for an unrelated issue which showed I have high cholesterol. Eek. I'm 36 and eat 'fairly' well, cycle to and from work (12 miles) every day and play tennis twice a week.

So quite a shock. It must be my sporadic smoking - whereby I don't smoke for months then have a week 'on' of quite heavy smoking. That and alcohol. Again, total units consumed per week isn't too high though it's the fact that I'm cramming them in one go so I'm getting at least fairly P*****, once a week.

Apologies that this is not gambling related content - the only thing I would say is that things would be a hell of a lot worse if I was still gambling. The gambling lifestyle always encouraged a f*g and a drink, and I'm sure the stress itself was doing damage.

Having gone 14 months without gambling, I feel like its now time to move onto stage 2, a more healthy lifestyle overall. I'm excited by the prospect!

Over 15 months gamble free now and I feel like I've unwired some of the circuitry which was making me obsessed with gambling. I simply don't consider gambling any more. I'm still fully aware of the gambling phenomenon - obviously you can't avoid it. I'm aware of my past and that I can never gamble again. I'm absolutely certain of that.

Life still throws its ups and downs- the main difference is there's just one huge 'down' which has been taken out of the equation.

I'm earning less now than I have for a very long time - for the long term good of my career. However, I've more money than ever before. Last year I paid off my 4,500 o/d and paid off my loan.

I was a serious gambler who would regularly blow my money shortly after pay day and I'd been non-stop during my gambling years. However, I never quite reached an absolute rock bottom - I kind of got by. The negative side of this was that I persisted with my secret habit for 16-17 years before addressing things.

During the gambling I could never afford to go on holidays. This year, however, I've already been to Ireland and I'm also going to Berlin and Rome, for long weekends. This would've been unthinkable before.

Stopped smoking for a week - had a big blow out on Friday night and managed not to smoke so hopefully that's a good sign.

All the best

Just added up my days abstinenece and I've broken the 500 day barrier, so thought it worthy of a post.

Still reading quite often as I don't want to be complacent. Not posting as I don't really have much to add in a gambling related sense. I don't really see the point in just talking about my general life, non-gambling related stuff too much.

500 days is awesome - congratulations cardhue

Well done Cardhue - 500 days is amazing!! Still going strobg myself so that makes two of us!!

Take care and remain strong.

Feb.

Thanks for the post on my dairy. I read your whole diary but didn't read others comments just wanted to read your thoughts. It's an interesting diary i must admit seems your smoking addiction has you beat all the time. This is definitely your challenge more than gambling it seems. I am amazed at the days, over 500 without any slips especially with 16 yrs or so of constant gambling every month. You mention you don't get the strong urges and can't relate to that well that's cool, i only wish i couldn't relate to it either but im on the other scale from you, mine are huge all the time lol. I definitely have had a light bulb moment but not in the context you wrote on my dairy. My light bulb moment is i will have to battle this forever and be very aware that urges will never go away. They might lesson overtime but i know who i am what i am and that's a serious degenerate compulsive gambler. This is going to be the hardest battle ever and i know i can give in so easily as you have with smoking. I like your diary a lot because you openly admit to looking at where you were with you money per month and have done calculations and embrace it and are very proud of your achievements especially with the overdraft and loans. I don't ever look at what i had and lost in over 30 yrs all i do is look how much i need to pay rent loans etc and calculate what is SPARE for me to gamble. I am literally the worst for this i can honestly say it's routine for me. Even this morning i looked how much was in my account and wanted to know what was left, not to gamble but just to see how much is left over. I know i have to recompute my brain from this, 30 years routine but it doesn't come over night.

Oh i wanted to say what made you post on my dairy? I see you don't post for weeks and looks like you read others diaries as a reminder etc. I was actually pleased you wrote on mine because now i read yours and it's slightly different view on things than others and i enjoyed it. I am 40 now had my birthday just recently and have decided that i want a better life as life begins at 40 right ha.

CasinoRoyaLoser

Feeling sick with a virus. Yuck.

Thought I'd check my day count and coincidentally it seems to be exactly a year and a half, to the day, since I last gambled.

God knows how I was able to hide my incessant gambling from previous relationships. Thankfully I was able to quit this before things got serious in my current relationship, and before we moved in together.....another insidious effect of gambling, is not just the obvious deceit of covering your tracks but of the warped state of mind you're in, pretending to be cool and the stress this causes you. You're allowed to be /////// off if its not gambling related.

Still not smoked since for 2 months and staying smoke free is certainly the tougher fight at the moment.

Cardhue

fella thanks for sharing,a huge well done on your continued abstinence

18 months is a huge achievement

Keep making the right choice

Because you know what's better than 18 months??

18 months and 1 day!!!

I today SALUTE you

Duncs stepping forward never back

Reading a few folk who relapsed and thinking more about the moment you re-enter the gambling world and thinking about how I was able to knowingly overstep the mark of rationality.

Well in truth, I was too much of a coward, or too much in denial to properly try and stop before now. Seems to have taken me 16 years and then bang - able to stop.

But.. thinking of even the mini-restarts I would have after stopping for usually between a day to a couple of weeks max. Towards the endof my gambling 'career'' I was increasingly conscious that what I was about to do would lead to major problems and was a very bad thing to do. Therefore I needed a strategy to overcome these rational thoughts. What it involved was cowering, closing my eyes, fingers in my ears, and running, LA LA LA, until I had credit in my account and was pressing the spin button. Only then could I breathe, as the mark had been overstepped and the internal dialogue could stop for a while.

Now, with the passage of time spent not gambling, I can sit back and see how ridiculous it is. I can see how this addiction was able to override common sense, and it's scary. Thankfully the addiction can be broken and life can resume.

Hi card hue

Just wanted to say very well done on abstaining

and realising how ridiculous this awful addiction is

Keep strong and keep going

Suzanne x

Thanks I wished

As an aside, I shouldn't have chosen my username as it quite obviously can be interpreted me being some kind of card shark. Which I'm definitely not - and in fact cards has never been a feature of my addiction. Actually it's an anagram of Deuchar - a lovely beer and problably a bottle I was looking at when I signed up.

Anyway, it has been 21 months since I last gambled. I most certainly do not think I've cracked it. I fundamentally have an addictive personaity and can never bet again.

Fortunatley, not being able to have just one bet is no loss whatsover as I am now able to see gambling for what it is - completely pointless. It was a form of escapism, and that escapism unfortunatley was addictive.

Feeling a bit low now due to having a blazing row with my GF last night. I hate big arguments and they just leave me feeling emotionally bruised the next day - alcohol fuelled of course. In fact our arguments are ALWAYS when we've had a few drinks. Do teetotallers still argue?