last chance

Good, glad you've written down, on here, your thoughts. Sometimes we need to be able to go back and read over where we were, to give us the inner strength to get through the day. Can I suggest that you try and get on here first thing in the morning to update your diary and that you'll find, is a great way to motivate you NOT to gamble. Don't be shy in writing anything that comes into your head any time of day, this is your diary and use it to help yourself.

Might I add that you'll find if you admit to someone else, it makes it easier to deal with. It'll feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and you'll sleep better, when you are properly rested, you feel better too.

You CAN do it!

Thanks for the post!, lost £250 today. Means another loan missed and a payment arangement set up again. I currently have 5. Cried today in utter despair. Has never happened before but felt good for the release. Dust myself of again. Must be strong. Please!!!

Split

Get your head back up and get on the road to recovery - try joining the chatroom at 7pm tonight, it will be good to get some interaction with others there. I read your story and relate alot, I borrowed money from family members that barely had the money to give, but when your in the gambling "zone" nothing else matters. I have been gamble free for 2 and a half months now and have been able to pay one family member back completly and take a serious dent out of a debt for another member - its a really rewarding feeling so aim towards that. Just focus on each day being gf.

Best wishes and keep going.

Athena

Thanks for the reply. That's my focus at the moment. I have to pay back my dad. One debt at a time. Too me he is the most important. Plus my credit rating is shot anyways. I am not bothered and quiet pleased that I can't loan money anymore. It's a good thing. Will be hard tomorrow going to work. I have a holiday booked in five months time. It's all bought and paid for. With the exception of spending money. I booked it with the last decent win I have back in October 16. The month before I had lost 4.5k. Glad I booked it as I would of just gambled it. It's my focus for the time being. I wanna be sitting on that plane. With spending money in my pocket. Knowing that I have paid my dad back. It's my first holiday in 7years so I am really excited. If I don't gamble from now till then I could pay off 1500 pounds of my 12k debt. That's the goal. Breaking it down is going to be the way for me. Thinking it as a whole sum is too overwhelming.

I got my haircut today and spent £13. Was a little expensive. I tried to win this back and spent another £12.50 on lotto cards and a draw for the lotto tonight.

The lotto just added to my expense and I couldn't let the 12.50 lost go. I joined a online site. Tried to make my £50 into £70. And ended up losing £250 and not being able to pay a loan I have had for nearly 5 years. It literally has 3 payments left. Fortunately the company told me they will work with me to pay back the arrears and I am expecting a phone call later in the week. It's madness as too why I spent over £260 pounds because I didn't wanna pay for a haircut.

Last time I went on holiday was 7years ago. And I can remember I had to watch every penny. I had getting myself in a hole with gambling. Flew halfway around the world and had to sit by a pool all day as I couldn't afford to do anything. Silly really.

I don't want this to be the case in five months time. I have some loans coming to an end in 3months and I am so grateful. Every month is a struggle at the moment. It will still be hard. But at present I have £53 to last 17 days and have to pay £60 to my insurance company as someone hit my car.

Sorry for rambling but think that's everything

Thanks for the reply. That's my focus at the moment. I have to pay back my dad. One debt at a time. Too me he is the most important. Plus my credit rating is shot anyways. I am not bothered and quiet pleased that I can't loan money anymore. It's a good thing. Will be hard tomorrow going to work. I have a holiday booked in five months time. It's all bought and paid for. With the exception of spending money. I booked it with the last decent win I have back in October 16. The month before I had lost 4.5k. Glad I booked it as I would of just gambled it. It's my focus for the time being. I wanna be sitting on that plane. With spending money in my pocket. Knowing that I have paid my dad back. It's my first holiday in 7years so I am really excited. If I don't gamble from now till then I could pay off 1500 pounds of my 12k debt. That's the goal. Breaking it down is going to be the way for me. Thinking it as a whole sum is too overwhelming.

I got my haircut today and spent £13. Was a little expensive. I tried to win this back and spent another £12.50 on lotto cards and a draw for the lotto tonight.

The lotto just added to my expense and I couldn't let the 12.50 lost go. I joined a online site. Tried to make my £50 into £70. And ended up losing £250 and not being able to pay a loan I have had for nearly 5 years. It literally has 3 payments left. Fortunately the company told me they will work with me to pay back the arrears and I am expecting a phone call later in the week. It's madness as too why I spent over £260 pounds because I didn't wanna pay for a haircut.

Last time I went on holiday was 7years ago. And I can remember I had to watch every penny. I had getting myself in a hole with gambling. Flew halfway around the world and had to sit by a pool all day as I couldn't afford to do anything. Silly really.

I don't want this to be the case in five months time. I have some loans coming to an end in 3months and I am so grateful. Every month is a struggle at the moment. It will still be hard. But at present I have £53 to last 17 days and have to pay £60 to my insurance company as someone hit my car.

Sorry for rambling but think that's everything

Hi split! An appreciation of money is something I, and a lot of other CGs, seem to struggle with whilst we're gambling. I'd always be on the lookout when driving to save maybe 2p/litre the next time I filled up. I'd never buy anything in the supermarket unless it was on offer. I spent £15 on a set of hair clippers, so I'd never have to pay the barbers again. That kind of thing. Accepting that things have a value and there is a reasonable price to pay in return for them is something so fundamental to the world these days, but something which for whatever reason some CGs can have a hard time with. It's another example of the CG not wanting to grow up, not wanting to take responsibility. I am sure with the right therapies and counseling people can overcome that, it might be worth thinking about? I'm still careful with my money, because of the sack of debt on my back, but I have been able to come to terms with handing money over for a good or service, without feeling the need to win it back. I wish I could tell you exactly how that change took place, but I can't. I think it was a natural progression, not something pre-meditated. I hope you can do the same and wish you all the best, whatami.

Hi there.

I can join you in the 12k debt group, sucks doesn't it? I also have spent some of my parents money and the guilt I feel from that is one of the worst things to come from this addiction. A lot of my motivation is coming from a feeling to get that money paid back because I feel like I have betrayed them.

I did a budget the other day and I can pay it all off by the end of 2018 but it's gonna be tough. It feels a little more reassuring knowing someone else is in a similar situation. Hopefully we can both get this sorted out for good.

Good luck

Thank you both whatami and Adam for your comments. Indeed whatami I know I don't understand the value of money. I have spent many months getting by on literally pennies. But then feel worried some months when I have a lot more that I will not make it to pay day. This of course is because I know I can lose it in a moment. Today is day one!! Today I will not gamble! I pray it is the first of a successful journey to being debt and gamble fee!

Al join ur club Adam. Like u I may be able to pay back by the end of 2018. But that would take some great sacrifices on my part. I am taking food to work today. No more spending money on anything at all. I don't deserve anything until this debt is paid. Time to face up to this!!!

What practical measures have you taken to eliminate your access to cash and gambling?

hi whatmi thanks for your reply i have added a blocker yesterday so hoping this works had a bad day on monday and after looseing another £150 took the step to add the blocker when i go home from work the following morning cheers for now steve

Lethe- I have self excluded myself from local bookmakers already. But it's the online where I fall short. I once again have self excluded from the new sites I signed up too. My credit cards and payday loan companies have put me on the do not lend list. Literally because I told them about my probelm with gambling. Aside from that none of my family know. I still have access to funds. I know every one will say to tell people. But I can't. I really can't! On the plus I didn't gamble today. All I did was think how long it would take to pay off my debts. Still gutted. Thinking of the day I will be debt free. Just keep thinking of that day. I know it will come!!!!

Day 2 off being gamble free. Nothing to really shout about. Nothing has changed in my life. However it's not going to after two days.

I have been thinkin about how time passes so quickly in life. Literally the last 10 years of my life have passed in what feels like days. I feel like at the moment I am wishing the time to pass. As I just want this debt to be paid. I can't enjoy myself right now. I know I am taking good steps into paying my debts of 12k. Between £400-£500 each month. It's a struggle still!

My partner wonders why we are so tight every month. But I don't want to lose her. So I can't say. I know many would advise to do different. But I can't lose her! I refused to do so. Gonna pay this off and live a good life again.

I want to talk about something in my professional career. There may be a chance in the next 6 months I will be allowed to sit an assessment at work. Very few get this opportunity and at the moment I feel as if it's just all talk from my managers to make me work harder.

If I was to pass this very differcult assessment it means I would be one of few to do a particular job. And if that job came up (very high possibility) my salary would be amazing. I think of this a lot lately as it would help greatly in paying my debts.

Just wish I had 6months or so under my belt and could see some progress. I know it will take time.

Not telling her takes away her informed choices. Its not fair to her to let her keep thinking everything is fine when it isn't. I've been there and while the waste of money is galling the lies upon lies upon lies to hide it compounds the mess.

She will find out. If you tell her now and show her what you're doing to address it you're in control of how that happens not to mention getting rid of the toxic burden of secrecy you're carrying around which can only help your recovery. If she chooses to support you so much the better. She could handle finances, set passwords, sit with you while you self exclude permanently etc. Action not words is what will count with her.

In the meantime my advice would be to install a blocker to every device you use to gamble. If you can't for any reason, downgrade or do without.

Hi split! Everyday is progress mate and you can only do it one day at a time, there are no shortcuts. Keep on the right track and you'll rack up those days soon enough. You're right lots of people would tell you to tell your partner, but this isn't a one-size fits all disease and everyone is different. I would probably say a problem shared is a problem halved and your partner's support could be very valuable. You write like it's a given that your partner will walk out the door if you 'fess up, but you don't know that for sure ... and if they did and didn't want to stand by you, does that say something about the relationship? But, there's no right or wrong and you know your situation far better than anyone else, and it's your judgement call. It could be fine if things work out, but if not, the (white) lies and deceit will come home to roost big time. Hope you don't mind me making an observation, I am most definitely not trying to preach, just opening up some other lines of thought. Cheers!