last chance

Hi Split,

Great to see your still moving forward. Your diary entry betrays what your currently worried about, which is a great thing, that is what the diary is for. I just have a niggle that your struggling with a few things and not getting to the heart of the issue. It is grand and fine to be over a hundred days gamble free, but they are just numbers on a counter, if the issues are still there. One day, it may and I say may un-balance you, and you revert back to the same old problem. Having credit and money should not be a chore, I have always found that I hated having money, it made me anxious. I am slowly but surely changing that relationship with it. I think I have mentioned this to you before, when we chase something it runs away from us. You speak about being greedy and wanting a better life. We all want better things, we all want more, but essentially we have to be content with what we have, and be grateful for the things we have, then the law of attraction kicks in, and we have more. Life is not a dress rehearsal Spilt...we come this way once.

I hope you have a lovely rest of the weekend, whatever your doing.

Julie x

Thanks Julie and Stephen. I feel both your posts link very nicely.

Julie you speak about not getting to the heart of the issue. And Stephen about gambling drawing you back in. Suggesting that life is better now so its ok to gamble.

I feel that both of your replies have certainly hit the nail on the head. Its describes perfectly the cycle i have lived for the last 10 years. I would stop for a while. Not tackle the issue, life would improve and gambling would drag me back.

I will state however that I am not naive to this, and indeed i dont consider myself to be recovered in anyway. I wonder if anyone can truly say they ever are?

I dont know how to deal with the real issue? I dont know why I can choose to risk all of my money. And others wouldn't dream of it. Many would state tell people. And to a degree I can see how that would help. But still does it target the real issue as to why we gamble?.

Certainly i am looking for the silver bullet here. And understand that it may not be so black and white. As its been said on here there's no mircale cure.

I have read about the electric shock therapy. But then I scared myself by watching youtube videos of it.

I think I must continue to accept I have a gambling probelm. And that it will always exist regardless of how large my day counter gets. I will still continue to count as it does make me feel better about myself. I feel its important to try and make me feel good again.

Also speaking to you guys on here has massively helped me.

I do feel strong but accept that I have a weakness. I still feel good when I can say that despite being in the most debt of my life. I have went longer now than ever beening gamble free. And I have paid off 20% of my debts.

Still trying to learn patience. Still trying to understand the value of money, time and family.

Well there's no doubt I can be tight with money. I want everything but dont want to pay for it. I think its an appeal as to why I gambled. Then sense of winning something. And it not costing anything.

Of course i won nothing in the end and it cost everything. Nearly!

Went down to tesco earlier, few bits totalling to £15. That's tea. Dinner etc for the next day or so. Still hating spending money on life's essentials. Dont get me wrong i appreciate it for more now. And its better then gambling. Even with gambling out of the picture i am by no means good with money. I feel like it consumes too much energy from me, I think of it far too much. And I feel like my reltionship is very unheathly with money still.

I am a happy chappy however. Feel better about my debts. Feel like i have accepted them more and if it takes three years to clear than so be it.

This last month has shown me that if we take money out of the equation gambling still takes a lot from us.

The extra time alone is much appreciated. As like many i work very hard and need the time to recharge.

Also the emotional rollercoaster of winning losing etc. I can honestly say i dont miss it. Its one of the worst things about gambling. I felt bipolar when gambling and very unstable.

Being confident and secure. I have my moments still. But gambling took away my confidents massively and its unstandable why a person with a gambling addiction would feel insecure.

One moment I would be paying off bills for the year in advance. The next i would be getting into debt to pay for food and petrol.

I still cant believe it went on for ten years. And although I still hate them last few years where I lost 13k. Slowly I am starting to think it may be a good thing. I am 28 years old. And in the course of my life i feel that 13k would be a small price to pay if it meant i didnt gamble ever again. Of course i gambled for 9 years previous to that. I often had good luck in between bad runs and the probelm was able to mask itself for many years.

Day 134.

Still gamble free. So tired from working so hard. I honestly dont know where I got the time to gamble from. I dont think of gambling much anymore. Some days i dont think of the debt either. Dont kno if this is good or bad. As dont wish to become too relaxed. Either way i am delighted that things are very slowly . Very slowly! Getting better !!!

There's no other way but forward. Brother ! Keep going ! P***k gambling lol ! You'll be waking up one day debt free and you'd be like awesome !

Hi Split , hope your having good weekend . Almost 20 weeks since you last gambled which shows you have the courage , strength and resilience to overcome the urges . Wishing you happy times ahead ..... If some days you struggle to be happy than be contented ....If some days everything looks bleak than just hang in their one day at a time .....Who knows what will be blowing in tomorrows wind ! Lets just make sure it's not betting slips .

160 days gamble free. I write this 8000 miles away from home in a hotel room. I have seen some wonderful things and beauty our world has to offer. Have had a truly amazing time where I am. Been brill. Still things get on top but only for a moment. Still think of the mess but everyday is slightly better than the last. This is by far the longest i have ever gone in my life. Starting to look at other aspects of my life that I feel I have neglected. Stay strong everyone!

Hello all. I am about a week away from achieving 6 months gamble free. Naturally I am very happy with this. Its far more than I have ever achieved. I have tried to stop gambling in excess of 30 40 times. I honestly dont know how many times. So many that i have lost count.

why is it working so well this time?

who can say for certain but I think as humans we can only take so much. And that time finally came for me. To be completely honest i wish it had came a long time ago.

I could see my life going nowhere. I had been in trouble with the law, had debts of 13k. And lied massively to my partner and family.

6months on my debts are around the 9.5k mark. I feel that the debt has been the main focus and like many was the reason I gave up.

However i am glad i have took this time to reflect. And I needed that time. I am not talking about 5mins here. I mean the full 6 months. Life does take over, very slowly. You do find other things. More time, quality time with loved ones. Spending money on things that really matter. And less emotional yo-yoing. Overall a better quality of life and not just in the financial sense. This emotional side to not gambling, and reflecting on my darkest days is something that has only came after a decent period of astaining from it. I think my mind just had to get rid of the rubbish 1st.

The guilt is overpowering at times. I deal with it by thinking of my achievements. That I am six months free. 4.5k paid off my debt. Moving in the right direction and will continue to do so. But its still there. I dont feel it will ever go due to the choices I have made by keeping it all a secret. Many have shared there views on this matter. And many may judge a persons character or morals by choosing to do what I have done. I just wanna state that just because I have choose to keep this a secret doesn't mean its easy. It eats me up. I will be having a happy moment with family etc and it hits me out of nowhere.

I feel that even if the debt was all paid and many years had passed that I would still feel guilty.

I see why people were so passionate about confessing because it does eat you up. And I can see how it must be a wonderful feeling to get it all of your chest. I still won't.

Despite this big negative, life is much better. I do look forward to say I am 1 year free.

I still think of gambling however, moments of weakness still occur. I take a moment to think of the debt, the mess and how far I have come. It helps with the urges. Also if I am going to the shop I have to pre warn myself there will be sratchcard and I must not buy them. This is getting far easier to deal with. And many times i dont even realise they are there.

I know its hard everyone. And people say just take one day at a time. But it really is true. Its not going to fix overnight. But I believe ( well for me ) an addiction doesn't develop overnight either. It took me ten years to get in this mess. So I cant expect to get out of it in five minutes.

Well done Split . Coming up to 180 Days GF . Wishing you continuing success .....stephen

Thanks Stephen. I see your over the 100 day mark!! Massive congrats. Please keep it up!!

Been struggling lately. And wanted to ask people on their advice and views on the matter. So would be most grateful if people could share.

I feel really low at times! Really low.. Like whats the point low. And its down to one thing. Money.

It massively effects my mood. Ano it effects all of us. As we need it to survive. But it really really has a massive effect on my life.

I can pay my bills every month. And altho I have debt from gambling and will for a while to come. I can pay this debt and its coming down slowly.

Also theres a little left over each month for things. Meals and treats etc.

Am I just a ungrateful person? I tell myself its only 6 months i have been gamble free. And my debts will go in time.

I am always adding up, looking for ways to make money. Or save. I check my online banking about 5 times a day. I cant sleep because I am always working out money in my head on a night.

I think a big part of this is i put a massive amount of effort in to my career. And because of gambling i do not see the rewards. It's been like this for along time. Maybe i just realised i should be living better than I am. And it hurts massively.

I often go to work on double shifts with 3 hours sleep. And horrible times in the morning. I work in excess of 60 hours every week.

Its just getting on top. I wish money didnt have such a impact on my life. Some people are not that fussed by money and find happiness in other things. I wish I could be like them.

I just dont now how much more i can take. Am getting sick of this mess I have made for myself!

Hi,

Well done on so many days GF i am currently 11 days GF and its not getting any easier tbh, in fact its harder as my enthusiasm and motivation is wanning already.

I want to address both parts of your post.

Firstly, the low you are feeling needs to be addressed, it is likely that gambling was prehaps used to try and fill a gap and without the escape of gambling the pain, emptiness, low is now showing through, brighter than ever. What do you want from life? Do you even know? It might be a good place to start...

Secondly, money. I have a terrible issue with money also (made worse by gambing debts of 18K) but even though, like you, I can comfortably live, pay all my bills (including a large lump to a DMP) and have treats I still worry about money. I too check my online banking several times a day. I worry if I have money (like I cant wait to get rid of it) and I worry when I dont have enough and then also look for ways to make/find more etc. I like nice things so will treat myself, nice perfume, nice clothes but then I will look at these items and feel sick. Similarly, I look at ways to save pence or a few quid on shopping or my phone bill (money that will make no real difference either way).

Sorry this isnt a lot of advice but I want you to know that your not alone.

Xenedra, thanks for your kind words and for sharing your experience too.

it has such a massive impact on my life. And as I have already stated i know it does with everyone. I just dont feel that this thinking/ and chasing money all the time is heathly. It effects my mood massively and i don't want it too. I dont kno why? And I dont kno how to change it.

That's the million dollar question split, pun intended.

Firstly you've done really well I think your about 6 months now which is something you should be very proud off.

I like you pay my bold and debts and have a little spare for a fee treats, I'm at peace with that. Yes I I'd love to have they money I'm paying back but I've accepted I'll have to be patient for that to happen. I could pay it off quicker but I'd rather have some money for me and be manageable for me still to have some life if you know what I mean.

I've realised there's lots you can do which cost little or nothing compared to what I gambled. You just need to open to new things and give them a go.

With the low mood speak some help this place is great but it's no substitute for some real life support, I can't remember if you have or still having counselling but if not I should be something you give serious consideration to, speak to gamcare or even you doctor who might even look into some happy pills. I know people are cautious of them but they're there for a reason and if managed correctly can help.

The other thing you can try is GA these are the sort of things you can bring up and discuss with people or are or have Belen feeling the way you. If an electrician had a problem he wouldn't ask a plumbers advice on how to fix something he'sd a ask an electrician. Using that logic GA is full of ex gamblers it might be the best place to go to get some advice.

I don't want to pick at old scabs but if going to. I doubt that it's just the money leading to these low moods. With you dealing with this on your own it's adding pressure, you're still having to live that double life to a degree. While you have some spare money it sounds like you can't have the holidays, the new TV etc and I'm sure you have to deflect some of those questions and requests. I know you have your reasons but after 6 months maybe now could be the time to show what you have been doing and to push on you need some extra support.

Only you know the effect it will have if you told all so you have to be comfortable which that decision but if the alternative is to feel they way you and dealing with it alone it could be worth taking one final gamble.

Hope you feel better soon

KTF

It’s over two years since I posted on gamcare.

I had debts of over nearly 14k due to gambling and really struggled with life.

My debts have reduced to only 4K now. And within that two years I did relapse losing xx in literally an hours roulette online.

I keep myself massively busy and expect I don’t have the time to gamble. The time is used to make craft things that I sell for a small profit. This also helps with the debts. But more so it’s good for my mind. Between work, the crafts, and family life there’s no time to gamble.

So my advice to anyone is just keep busy!!!

I do think if I didn’t have the relapse that I would of been paid off but now.

It is the final part to literally starting fresh. And hopefully throughout the summer this year I may be well on my way to being completely debt free from gambling.

This will be a very emotional moment when it happens, I can feel it coming. Work is none stop, on myself and the hole I created. I work hard and longer shifts than anyone I know. I literally don’t get a day off. But I am going to do this and I am excited to see what life holds next.