last chance

0430am, up for work. Why did I gamble when I have to work so hard to earn it back! Still gamble free!!!

Glad to hear that you're gf.

Money and debt is a symptom of an addiction to something that involves a net outflow of cash. It might provide a noisy distraction for you to focus on, but focusing on it doesn't help you or those around you.

The problem isn't money, it's the compulsion to gamble, it's what causes the compulsion and how you deal with it. I'd echo Loius and Lethe: secrecy is toxic and it's pretty much impossible to overcome addiction alone. Addiction breeds secrecy, secrecy breeds addiction. Breaking that cycle works better.

CW

Kinda getting a hard time for the community on here at the moment. Granted I need to prove myself. I don't see why it can be accepted that someone can do this on there own. I will! I really will. People can judge all they like but I don't want to be viewed as a gambler. I acknowledge I am! I am not denying that. But there has to be hope that I can be viewed by my loved ones as a normal person. That's why I don't want to tell them.

It's day 30 and still gamble free, happy with that progress. But it's hard at the moment because of the money worries it has left behind. It's going to take about another 3 month before the shift happens and I can see some level of comfort in my month to month living. At the moment I can cover all my bills, and petrol. I have £6 left every month from my £1800 salary. It feels like it's getting worse as all the loan arangements come in to place all together for the first time this month. Having lack of funds like this would usually be a trigger to gamble. But even I know that I am on my last chance. I have late paid every bill, and borrowed from everyone I can. It's literally time to suck it up and get on with the bed I have made. It's going to be a differcult 3months. But after that comes a little space to breathe. I pray I can get thru this. I keep telling myself I can but its some challenge. If the car breaks, or any unexpected bill it would be it!. There may come a time I will have to go hungry as there is really no scope for any spending on anything. My partner usually gets by for the month. She buys the food shopping. Just many months she is broke a week before payday and I have to step up. I can't do that at the moment with my £6. I wish there was a way I could earn more money just for a short time. I am on arangements with all my debtors. It's mainly the payday loan, the money I owe my dad and the missing payment on my car loan that have pushed me very close to the edge.... 3months. This has been along time coming when I look back. Every month spending more and more on gambling and missing bills and loans to fund it. It's finally come to a head. And I am not rock bottom yet( that would be everyone finding out) but I am very close, and I can see and feel it! Am not going there. I will come back from this, I don't know how, but there will always come a better day!!! Gamble free still. And intend to keep it that way!

Hi split!

People have opinions, and voicing them is what this forum is about. Just as in a GA room, the forum should be about giving advice and I hope people have only been making suggestions rather than telling you what to do? At the end of the day, you know yourself and your situation far better than anyone else and you are the one who has to do what you feel is best. It takes openmindedness on both sides. For those giving advice to accept that it might be taken and for those seeking advice to accept it with good grace, even though they may dismiss it (which is entirely their prerogative). 30 days is good going, just make sure you stay true and honest to yourself. Remember this thread is YOURS, it's for YOU, no-one else.

Thank you whatami, it's a very fair comment. And I really appreciate you taking the time to reply!!! I do understand it's very black and white in some people's minds. Tell everyone, open up to the world. It's the best chance of recovery. And for many I can understand how this would work. If I had done this years ago I may not be in this position. So it is a very fair point and good advice. However, telling my partner doesn't take the problem away. The debt still remains, and I am still a gambler in recovery. I understand I caused all of this, but there is nothing she can do to improve the situation if she knew. Sure it's the more ethical thing to do by being honest. I love her so much I don't want her to deal with the worry and stress. I made this mess and I will clear it up.

The main benefit I feel many would agree by being honest with my partner is that further blocks would be in place to prevent more gambling.

On this note, my finances are so tight that if I gamble any more she will know. I am underpaying on every bill. So if I gamble by default she would find out in time.

Second it's may be good having someone to help you manage your money short term etc but does it really deal with the main issue. Me!!!

I have read so many times on this forum of people giving bank cards and money to loved ones to look after so they can't gamble. Only to then gamble months later- or find another line of credit to gamble with. It ultimately has to come down to the will of that person. And there want to stop vs there want to gamble. Which is stronger!!!

It's only 30 days for me, and I do feel very very guilty. I will be honest and state it's eating away at me. I will make this right I really will!

It's hard to know that when I get paid each month for the next 3 month I have £6 left after every wage. It will be a massive struggle. But I intend to document as much as I can to motivate in the future.

And to everyone, if you are reading this please leave a comment. I really value the comments everyone gives whether you agree or not it's all appreciated!

To Louis, I read back through the posts and thankyou for taking the time to reply. I understand that your comments are to aid me, and help me recover and get to better days.

I know you didn't post that comment as a challenge to myself. But.. You stated you have never seen anyone succeed at beating this addiction alone, and being secretive like myself. I would like to state I am going to be the person that does!

I have too, I am going to end up dead if I don't , I certainly know I can't live my life the way I have been for the past ten years.

I hope you keep coming back to check. I will be updating where I can.

Massive challenge ahead, but very positive at the mo!

Can't believe it!!! Everything I have spoke about. How tight it's going to be. My wages is never wrong. It's never ever been wrong in all the years I have worked for this company. I literally just checked my online banking and it's short. I am salaried so I get the same every month. So pi**ed off. What is the point. Will someone please give me a break!!!

Hi split.

That happened to me a couple of months ago where I was about £300 down in my salary, as they had never paid my expenses! I got straight in touch with payroll, advised them that I lived on my own and was responsible for paying all my bills and therefore, I would not have enough if they did not process this. Luckily, they did just this and I got what was owed to me a couple of days later. Please give them a ring/email payroll. I always believe in speaking to people. Hope this helps.

Our lady

Thanks our lady. I will do that. Will probably have to wait a month. But fingers crossed.

I can't believe how much bad luck I am having at the moment. I am doing everything right. Not gambling. 31days. Yes, paying my bills yes. And just work work work.

On top of being short in my pay, I received a letter from the NHS stating I haven't paid for my prescriptions. I would therefore be fined £50. I thought I had paid a pre payment months ago. Turns out it is not the case. Genunie oversight on my part, genuine mistake. Have contacted them but from looking from the forums it's doubtful they will help me. I am £1120 in debt with my gas and electric, £300 on my water. And I am on arrangements with every creditor I have bar my mortgage. They want £50 in three week or they will double it. I am worried as I have received further prescriptions since the date in question too. Does this mean I will recieve a £50 fine for each one?.

i have explained that I am struggling massively with finances. And can pay a small amount each month. Hopefully they will understand and work with me.

Honestly I know it's all my fault and all thru gambling in the past. I just need a break. I have done nothing but work. 50plus hours every week, not spending a penny on anything, and most important not gambling. Maybe it was going to happen all along but I feel my life is getting worse the more I try and help myself and stop. I know that doesn't make sense but it's the case at the moment.

I will still not gamble, something like this a few month ago would of made me, but it's not going to happen this time.

Just wish I could have a little luck from the skies above- and I don't mean in a gambling sense I just mean a little luck in life sense.

There's a quote I like, and I forget whom wrote it. It goes " I am a great believer in luck! I find the harder I work the luckier I become"

It's a good saying, and hopefully in time it will come true in my life. ..

Struggling at the moment.. Feel like I am fighting a losing battle!!

Woke up this morning at 03:45 am for work. Sick of my life. The first thought that came to my head was suicide. Woke up thinking look what I have done. It's not worth it at the moment. This thote quickly went out of my head, it's that horrible feeling of waking up for work in the morning. Everyone feels this, but then to have the horrible feeling of being skint literally on payday for the next 3 months. Gutted!!!

Wanted to ask. Will it always hurt this bad!!!

It's so painful, and I know it won't get better for a good while until my debts improve.

Is this the reason why I am not gambling? Because it still hurts. I am usually well over any losses after a month of not gambling.

It may be a case of that I know it really is my last chance. If I was to gamble and lose now, I would lose everything. It's come so close to the wire. I just hope it's not too late. I hope that it will turn around. I understand gambling will never help me, and I have never had such strong motivation after a month of being clean. I just can't begin to describe to you all how much pain I am in! 31 days gf!

Ps would love someone to recommend a true story of a person that has been gamble free for years and years

Hi Split. Sorry that you're feeling so low at times. You asked if it will get better and I can say that it will. If you stick with it, work on the triggers, and keep taking it a day at a time you'll see an improvement. If you do find yourself thinking of suicide then please reach out to someone in real life. Or call the Samaritans or the gamcare helpline. Nothing is so bad that it's worth your life and as the saying goes, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You asked about people with years of gamble free time under their belt and there are quite a few, they just don't post very often. Off the top of my head there's garyl1976, delboygolf, ODAAT, duncanmac, Bal, cardhue, day@atime, triangle and I'm sure there's more. Maybe read through their diaries? I hope you're doing ok this evening. LB x

If you want true stories of people who have been gf for years how about looking into your local GA meeting? Mr L has met people there with literally decades of gf time under their belt and all of them will credit GA for keeping them straight. Statistically it has the best maintenance rate of any method.

Guys thanks a million, I will read up on them people!! that's great!

Sometime we just need to see others that have been there and done it!

Yeah I do know it wil get better eventually. I just wanted to give an honest reflection so I could read back in future and know how I was feeling. Just wanted to state for the record that I am not going to commit suicide. It's just a thought that comes and very quickly goes. Its still not nice, and most of the time I am happy in my life. I think of my dear friend who I lost to a very tragic accident 6 years ago- he was 22 and died on a motorcycle. I feel guilty when I talk about suicide now.

Back to work, another day another dollar. Today I will not gamble.

Hi split.

I totally get what you mean about quick thoughts entering your head about suicide and then quickly leaving your mind again. For me, when I occasionally had those quick thoughts, I think it was more to do with feeling desperate and not actually suicidal but I was just labelling the feeling wrongly if you know what I mean? As others have wrote on your diary, please write in your diary or speak on here/contact gamcare staff if you feel so low. Like I said, feeling desperate, can be just a bad a feeling but you can most definitely do something about it and the one thing we all know on here, is to most definitely not to gamble. Yes funds will be tight but as the saying goes sometimes "nothing lasts for ever"!

Keep your chin up, you are still working through this despite everything and that is great on your part.

Take care and look after yourself.

Our Lady