last chance

Today was a really good day. My asking the universe has helped. And thank u Julie for asking too. I really believe in that!!!

As you are all aware my credit rating in the short term is shot. I log into my credit file and because of all the reduced payments arrangements from the gambling. It shows my credit score as very poor.

I was reading a really well known money advice website and there was a link for new lloyds customers. £130 if you switch. I applied and to my amazement i was accepted. How??

also i read on the website about a think call a charge card. Never heard of them. But it gets u into the first class lounges and everything in the airports. These cards are only available to those on high incomes and excellent credit ratings. I applied for that and got it. How?? What the hell? How?. A charge card has to be paid off in full at the end of each month. No interest! But literally has to be paid in full within 30 days! Its nice to know I have it there should I need it. And the £130 from the bank will be paid in a months time. Also I am going to get to experience the first class lounges at heathrow because of this card. All costing me nothing. Had an amazing day with my missus! Spoilt her rotten!! All sorted for Hoildays and clothes!

For the first time in a long time i am finally happy!!!! Things are better, life is better! I have to be responsible of course but I have no reason to struggle anymore.

I am through the worst of it all now. Thank you Julie for asking the universe! Please continue to do so!

I bought my missus some nice clothes today and will have something nice to eat tomorrow. Feel like a real man, and not a pathetic loser anymore.

Also the weight training and healthy eating is coming on well. Lost a few pound. Man i really crave chocolate! Its hard!!

Bloody buzzing!!!!

Morning Split .

I read your post yesterday morning and have probably read it several times since but still can't quite get my head around what's actually changed to make things better ? .

You switched accounts and will get £130 back in a month's time and have for all intense and purposes taken out another credit card but which you call a charge card and all Credit cards are interest free if you clear the balance when it comes in ? . You had £6 to last you until the 19th yet all of a sudden have the funds to spoil your wife rotten and sort the clothes and holiday out ?.

Maybe I'm just reading it all wrong or I could be just too old to understand :(( I'm happy for you don't get me wrong but I can't just can't see where all the issues you spoke about in the post before have actually dissapeared to ?.

I used to ask the universe or a higher power to grant me a win when I was stuck in the loop of gambling , unfortunately it never worked for me then but maybe I was asking the wrong person for the wrong thing's ?.

How did you pay for all the treats? The new card? How are you planning to pay that (and it will be in full as it's a charge card) when the bill drops through the door?

I know you won't want to hear this but it really would be a very,very good idea for you to make yourself accountable to someone even if it's not your partner.

Split,

I read your post this morning, while sitting waiting in clinic for it to start, and have reflected on it all morning. I just want to say that you don't me and I don't know you, and I genuinely sent some good vibes out there for you. And will continue to wish you well.

Your post above confuses me, and while I have read the two other replies, this is my own reply, independant of those. While I am so glad things seems to have eased for you, your last post doesn't add up for many reasons. I am not going to get into the nitty gritty of questioning you about it, because that would be wrong, but it doesn't add up. The other night you were on your uppers and had nothing left to survive the month until the 19th, and suddenly yesterday you were going out treating your partner and not feeling like a 'pathetic loser', and they are your words not mine. Lack of money doesn't make you a loser, pathetic or otherwise. The decisions you make contribute to that. I do not want to pry and ask where the money came from to buy all these things yesterday. But I just wanted to make you aware, unless you won the lotto, and good luck to you if you did, they need paying back. A charge card is a fancy name for a credit card. £130 at the end of the month, for changing your account is a source of money coming in. You said that you are paying off the last installment on one of your loans this month, the charge card is just another loan that you have taken on. I have no problem with credit cards at all, and in fact for the right purpose they are very handy, I don't have one, as I pay in cash or debit card for what I buy, but I am not adverse to getting one in the future.

I have loads of questions that the curious side of me is coming out with, why do you feel that buying your partner nice clothes, and nice food, makes you feel like a man? If this is the way you view your relationship and it isn't wrong, then my worry for you is, that you may go back to gambling, maybe not in the short term, but seeking money to make your relationship better. Your relationship needs to be strong no matter what happens, for better for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. That happiness that you have finally found, that is based on the fact that you have sorted out a bank account and a charge card. Split you may need to look a little deeper than this. What happens when the bank account is overdrawn, or the charge card is maxed out and you cannot afford due to all your other commitments, paying it off and then the interest starts? It seems you may have put a sticking plaster over an open wound here. What about your Dad, did he get a few bob off what you owe him? I am not accusing you of anything, amd just asking.

Split, I guess there is a fine line on Gamcare, and none of us know each other. When I type in my diary, it is the truth, and nothing but the truth, because that is how I roll. I am not for one minute saying your not telling the truth, it just doesn't add up. I want it to, but it doesn't. Now when your reading this, and I can imagine getting a little irked that some woman, who you don't know is asking you all these questions, don't! You mention me a few times in your overly positive post this morning, thanking me for putting a word in with the universe. I did, I genuinely did that. But I am also a very real person. It would have been so so so much easier for me to type this post and say, "Oh Split that is so amazing" and "oh I am so pleased for you". I am pleased for you, but also very sad for you. I don't think you understand what the above post reads like, and maybe you cannot right now. My wish for you, is to go and seek counselling for the issues that you have, and at least admit to yourself what is going on for you. You can spend years living this life of high's and low's...We only get one crack at this life, make it a good go.

Now finally after all of that, if you would prefer I didn't post or comment again, please say. Some people are not ready to read stuff and just want to carry on in their bubble. I will not be offended in anyway if you don't want to even comment on what I have written. Sometimes it is harder to keep moving, than stand still and take stock, I will respect whatever you wish.

Julie x

I think I need to clear a few things up as i can understand how it doesn't make sense. Firstly I haven't received my charge card yet. Nor have I used it. I was happy I could get it and the new bank account as it showed me that my credit rating has still something. It was a good feeling to get accepted.

My partner knows about the charge card. And the new account. Personally I am happy about this as we will save a little money on the hoilday and get to experience those lounges I have read about.

Despite this i understand it comes with risks. Certainly its another form of credit. No doubt. I do understand that it has to be paid in full at the end of every month.

Its a nice feeling after all of this to know I will never go hungry or be without life's essentials. Now there's a difference in being silly and buying for the sake of buying. I agree. That just adds to my debts.

I did pay my dad £50 from what I owe him. I intend to make it more after the hoilday. But just keep chipping away for now.

So how did i buy the clothes...

Well i didnt gamble. That's never an option!! Basically some of the direct debits come out in a week or so. I said I had £6 left for the month as I had earmarked this money for those bills.

I used this money to buy them clothes the other day. My partner made a list of all the bits we need for hoilday ages ago. Every month she has been getting a few bits out of her wage. I decided to finish off this list and make it so we where completely sorted for the Holiday.

So what about them bills the money was for. Well the new bank give me an interest free overdraft. Which I will use to cover the bills until they pay me the £130. In addition. Still £50 better off as i only spent £80 and at the end of the month my partner and I can use the money that she would of used for the rest of the hoilday list to pay off something else, or if I use anymore of that overdraft. But will be strict!

My partner is fully aware of the overdraft, the charge card and the £130.

Many may view, that its going to take discipine as overdrafts are very easy to dip further and further into. I am aware of this and dont intend to use it for anything else other than food and petrol.

I was so happy yesterday as I knew I had found away to make it till the end of the month. And Julie i believe in asking the universe. ( granted its abit out there) but honestly thank you for that!!

It may be viewed that I am getting into more debt. But I have jut bought what we would of on the 19th.

So in regards to the reltionship and spending. Its purely me. My partner is like everyone else. Of course she wants nice things but settles for far far less. Its just lately its been nothing. Life has been literally s***. So yesterday i felt good being able to finally do something. She would stay with me if I had nothing. But that doesn't mean that I want her to have nothing. It was £80 on clothes. Nothing in the grand scheme of things but she and I haven't done anything in ages!!!

Even when I would win from gambling i wouldn't buy clothes. I look and feel better. And I know its very shallow. But I was having sucidal thoughts a few month ago. am calling it progress.

The other day i imaged that this is what life would be like without gambling. Finally some rewards. Just a little something. I started to feel sad in the respect that I have missed out on a lot of things people take for granted. But happy that I know for as long as I stay gamble free i can continue at least once a month to get some treats.

Finally i just want to add that I i dont take offense at any of your comments. I take them all on board. I may not agree with all. But its good to see others views.

Also one last thing. I love my partner so so much. And I am so grateful for her in my life. She's not a shallow girl. And it just felt good for once to be able to have a few nice things. I guess its the guilt also with me. But that's another post this one is long enough! Sorry guys!

Also to Julie. I just wanted to say. Please dont stop posting. I understand your questions. I would be gutted if you stopped posting.

I do think you have really identified something in my personality. I still have a unhealthy reltionship with money. Although I do respect it far more now. I have seen how far it can go and to how I can use it better for things. I still crave it massively. I am a very ambitious person and at the age of 27 I am chasing money in my career and life. I believe this is one of the reasons why gambling was so appealing.

I have a really loving reltionship its certainly not shallow.

It did make me feel better being able to by them things. It did make me feel like a man as I say. I know money doesn't make a person. But u feel like rubbish when u cant put food on the table.

Anyways I hope that kind of explains it. Am not the best with words. Thanks again!!!

Today was day 94. Getting close to 100 days. Delighted at this. Still of course the debts will take some time to pay off.

I started with a 12.5k debt its now at about £10,700 its about 15 percent i have paid off!!!

Its slow but its progress.

In short term i am happier! I am enjoying finding new things and interested to spend my time and money on.

The lastest thing is my healthy eating. Its hard but i already look better with my shirt off because of it.

Also spending more quality time with family and loved ones.

Am happy and I am a long way off where I want to be. But its nice to be happy still.

The longest i ever went was 110/120 days i believe. So its the goal for now.

I will not gamble and feel very strong. I haven't enjoyed my life like this before!

Split I am here...I will never stop posting..I just had a few of my own things going on, so had to take a step back from the keyboard...Am not judging you...I never judge if at all possible....I have a very bad relationship with money too...Look I am staring into a 12 hour shift tomorrow, so cannot give loads of energy to this tonight....I find I toss and turn when I do that....I am free from tomorrow night and have loads of wisdom to impart....especially on the chasing money thing....I will leave you a detailed reply when I get in....I have faith in you.....always know that....

With kindest wishes and a smile.

Julie

Thanks Julie. Very kind.

i need to start looking at others dairies and posting too.

The rawness that I you feel from a gambling loss have finally left my life. Its took three month but its finally left.

Still i acknowledge I will have day i feel worst about my situation. Days i dont feel good about myself. I understand its just life, it passes. There's no excuse to gamble.

When i used to gamble for many years I would blow my wage. Or get into a decent size overdraft.

It would work out within a month by the time I got paid again. I didnt lose as much back then. But yet i didnt earn as much. It was still a probelm. The amount are insignificant really. I lost more than what I could afford too.

I still felt bad in these situations. I hated that really of waking up the next day and it hitting your mind. I lost a fortune yesterday.

I would stay away from gambling for a few weeks or a month. I was at home at the time with parents so never truly suffered the worry of bills. Be the time payday came around again all would be good.

I have never experience the hardship and for such a long period as I have the last three months. I am glad its happened. It needed to.

I have to acknowledge that altho things are better i must not get to cocky. I still have a probelm. It hasn't went away. I have been here before and failed.

Out with the family and the missus today. Goina have a workout and something healthy for breakfast first.

Heres to making the most of everything!!!

I really worry for the world we live in. Once again I am very grateful for my life and my family

By the time i finish this post ( in 8 mins) it will be day 97 for me. Its a long time but a short time in the grand scheme of things.

I am delighted with that length of time. More so life is a little more exicting. I can look forward to payday with some less bills to pay and a little payrise.

I have decided to pay an amount which will leave me with some extra cash to live a little. But also see a reduction in my debts. With this in mind i plan to be debt free by christmas 2018 or in 19 months time. I dont know how to feel by this. Disappointed that it will take that long. Thinking of that 10.5k and what that could do for me and my family. One thing is for certain when it is all paid. I will end up feeling like i have had a payrise or something.

In the meantime, I may or may not get a promotion. My partner may find better work. Who knows?

thinking of the debt all the time. Trying not too, as its what started a gamble the first time and i just got deeper and deeper into debt.

Split,

Your diary has really helped me. I read it all in one go and I'm glad to see your feeling better. I'm just starting my journey and reading yours has made me feel excited about mine thank you . Please keep posting 🙂

Freshstart. It doesn't matter how much you earn. Or how bad your gambling is. Stay from it long enough and your life will improve. I can wait until its been a couple of year. Can you imagine the difference.

Its frustrating for me as I have worked very very hard over the years. My salary had went up and up and still i see no benefit. Even now as I stop it will take a long time to pay off my debts.

But one thing I am certain is that time does pass. And eventually they will be paid. And least for now I can see that coming down slowly and I am not adding to them.

I think of all the mood swings i used to have when I gambled. Am glad at least the raw bad feeling have gone.

Moving forward life now means paying off some debt every month. But also having a little to enjoy myself. There's no more worry of how to make it till the end of the month. I know what I can get by on. I certainly dont need to be buying £10 sratch cards.

My only regret which I am trying to move on from is I wish I had the understanding of my addiction years before now. Its had to take me very close to the edge to truly give me the willpower to fight it properly.

Today is day 100! Happy about the progress. Do wish it was more!

Split that is Awesome . Your 100 days gamble free is so inspiring to me 72 days behind you .

Your a Star and getting brighter every day . Well done...... stephen

Am no difference to you Stephen. I have tried so many times. I just have honestly really had enuf this time. No more gambling. You will be counting 100 days before you know it!!! Keep me posted!