Well today I'm probably at the lowest I can go. I don't know how I let things get like this and I'm honestly just to tired of fighting for everything but I want to try to pick myself up one last time and try to turn things around.
I feel sick and more importantly ashamed. I deserve to feel this way though and hope it stays with me while I'm here as a reminder of the mess I've made.
My gambling reached a stage where I'm sure many people have been. I was being paid, thought I would add some money to it by gambling.....lost and then really needed to win it back...suddenly it's all gone and I'm in a hole. This was bad but I would pay my bills with credit cards.....then repeat the process the next pay day until all my credit cards were finally maxed out.
Then came the part I'm really ashamed off. I got into a hole again chasing my losses and really panicked. I decided enough was enough and managed to loan some money from my mom so I could pay bills and put myself right....The thing is I don't have much and neither does my mom. The guilt from taking money off her ate at me so in my amazing thoughts I came up with the idea of using some of the money she gave me to win enough to pay her back quickly......well being the idiot that I am, I lost and tried to win back the money until it was gone...Now I can't be more ashamed. How could I do this to her, I don't matter but to take from someone who doesn't have much and tried to help me is pathetic!
I've tried so many times to stop on my own and failed everytime. It really has worn me down to nothing but this has just hit me as far down as I can go. I don't know how much I've got left but I want to at least give it a real push to stop. I don't care about me I deserve everything I get, I just want to get into a position where I can pay my mom back. It's going to take a while but I pray I can do it.
I really want to do this and know I don't have another failure left in me. So here we go, day 1 and I've signed up to gamstop so will hopefully be blocked from everything now since I can't trust myself. I've lost everyone except my mom but there's no way I'm telling her I gambled her money. It's going to be hard on my own but I have to try and do this!
Welcome Daz,
Thank you for posting on the forum. You are in the right place to get support from peers and you are most certainly not alone in this.
I can see from your post that you are exhausted by everything you have been through and that you want to find a way to move forward. I am sure many people here will be able to relate to how you are feeling.
Well done for registering for GamStop, that is a brilliant step. There are also many other options for you and our advisers could talk you through them. You can call them on 0808 8020 133 or you can use our live chat option. They can go through other ways to make sure you don't have access to gambling and can offer free one to one counselling.
Please do continue to get support from others here on the forum.
Take care,
Rebecca
Forum Admin.
welldone for taking the first step and coming here and registering with gamstop im only 5 days gf but we can all be together and help each other youve took a massive step in realising you need help by coming here and realising it is a problem its a disease and you can never ever beat it while gambling it always wins you can beat it right now by not gambling what im doing is doing it daily so everyday you need to win just go day by day and every night i make myself think about how i felt when i also spent my mothers money how much it hurt me to do that to my own mother but i also have to think LET IT GO AND NEVER DO IT AGAIN. not only to our mothers but to ourselves theres some rlly nice ppl on here with more Gf days / years / months than me they have a lot of inspiring storys and ideas to help you with have a read through forums and if you have time try and join a chat room there for 1 hr everyday 1pm amd 8pm good luck mate you are not alone we can beat this together if you get an urge to gamble what i did was set my alarm for 2 hrs and said just wait 2 hours see how u feel after 1 hour my urge was gone you could try this but also if you get an urge you can call the people they have in here good luck
I was in your position around 18months ago. I could not see a way out. I promise you though there is a way out. I’ve managed to clear everything i borrowed or made a mess of in the last 18 months. Gambling ruined me. But I look back and look where I am today. You can do the same. I wish you the best of luck.
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