Good to see you back & gamble free Mari 🙂
Not so good to see you continuing the same pattern of beating yourself up 🙁 What you have to remember is you didn't get into this mindset/mess overnight so whilst 98 days is an incredible achievement, it's a drop in the ocean timewise. Yes you may have less time left than you have lived & failing health but your mental state doesn't have to be @ the mercy of your addiction, you are proving that! So, the time away from the forum wasn't what you hoped, cross it off the list & try something else. Thing with this is, there is no holy grail...There are lightbulb moments for sure but we are broken people in our own destructive ways & arresting the addiction by whatever means, especially in the early days is a full time job. Don't beat yourself up for needing the barriers, recognise that it was you who put them in & don't try & do this alone...It's our minds that 'allowed' this to happen in the 1st place, they're not the ones to be trusted to get us out. Regardless of how you feel about yourself, you are doing great, keep @ it - ODAAT
Oh Mari, I am soooooo very happy to see you back, and relatively ok. Mari, we can do this, and though we live alone we don't have to do it on our own. We can heal our hurts, find our peace, enjoy what life has to offer. Someone the other day said that it did them good, to get up early and be at the gym for 6am before work, thought I would try it....well not quite...got up at 6am and have lemon drizzle cake in oven, cos a friend coming for the weekend and she loves drizzle cake. Never made one before. Hope it tastes good. And forget the 'kindness', I'm selfish, you are a special person, can see that in the way you write, I would hate for you to have stayed 'disappeared', cos having you as a virtual friend enriches my life. Catch you later.
Welcome back Marie
Firstly you don't have to apologise for taking a break from the forum. Many people do from time to time. Sometimes it's hard reading especially when you're going through your own struggles. But you must put yourself first.
I think you should start giving yourself more credit. 3 months is no easy feat in the world of addiction. I know you still feel the same way but miracles don't happen overnight. I took me until about 150 days to actually start believing I could do it.
A lot of people including myself quit gambling and think it's the answer to all the problems but it's not it's just the first page the answers to a happier life are embedded deep within the book keep turning the pages slowly and you'll find it.
Keep fighting Marie
Most of all welcome back
Deano x
Thank you everyone, it's so good to know you're out there 🙂
I guess I thought that being able to abstain from gambling would suddenly solve all my issues with life....It hasn't. Self pity is probably my biggest downfall right now and I know I need to give myself a big shake....I've so much to be grateful for in life and remaining gamble free is the first big step towards change.
ODAAT - I've never really thought of myself as 'broken' but yeah there's no quick fix....Addiction is unfortunately for life. I need to learn to deal with that in a positive way....As always....Work in progress.
Rhoda - I'm no more special than anyone else trying to face the daily grind of life and all it throws at us & your continued support and friendship is so appreciated. Have an amazing weekend....You deserve it!
Deano - you are one hellava guy 🙂 and so right about turning the pages....I'm popping those balloons and aiming for 99 more!
Note to self...... Pity will get me nowhere....Positivity will get me wherever I wish to be.....
Onwards & forwards I go.....
Mari x
Hi Mari,
Welcome Home. I have been scanning the diary pages everyday, looking out for you. Today is an amazing day, You are back.
Some of the things that your going through, I am going through as well. I hide behind a lot of things, lack of money (how does that even make sense, when I was happy to pour money into an FOBT. Time, I could make time to gamble, but not do social things. And fear, which has to sit on top of the list. I am starting counselling on Tuesday to try and help myself with all of the above. Life is passing me by, and I need to do something about that.
You came back to Gamcare when you were ready to, you were missed, and I am happy to see you back.
Have you thought about CBT therapy. I know I am the resident junky in terms of therapy, but your spending money issues and isolating yourself, sound like CBT could do a lot for them. Maybe have a read of it.
Sending you a virtual hug, and caring wishes.
Julie x
Welcome to the century club Marie.
You may not feel like you have changed a great deal in that time and for that I'd have to disagree. Have a read back over your opening posts , to the posts you write today. Progress? I think so
Enjoy your day
Deano x
Well done Mari on your 100 days, best wishes, stay strong and positive x
Congratulations on 100 days....here's to 200. Catch up with you soon. What are you feeling sorry for yourself about?
Congrats on 100 days! X
Hey hun. .day late ..but we'll done on the hundreddddddd...
Xx
Well done for the century вє
It can be done & you're doing it!
Keep making the right choice
S x
100 days - whoop whoop - Well done!! All the better for knowing just how difficult it is to overcome the pull of the slots. Keep on making the right choices. We're with you all the way x
Mari, my hearty congratulations on your 100 days! Keep going!!! 🙂
P.S. Great that you're back with us - missed you 🙂
Just popped in for quick update....Thank you so much for all the good wishes, I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again.... the support given on these forums is life changing....Just knowing you're here has been a massive help to me these last few months.
Ive noticed I post a lot when I'm feeling down or life in general is getting to me....I need to post more often when things are 'normal' (if there is a normal)...It's good to remind myself how sh**** gambling made me feel but I need to pay more attention to the good things in my life... like right now...My Son & I have had a lovely evening together, Chinese takeaway, a blether then "The Walking Dead" on TV, he's now curled up on my sofa with his head in his phone and i'm happy..... everything is as it should be between us and it feels good.
No urges at all last couple days mhmmm....Could this be the result of me coming back to the forum 🙂
Onwards & forwards I go....
Mari x
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