Looking back

I was just sorting through the copious amounts of notes stored In my phone and came across a ‘letter’ that I had written to my husband. A letter to say goodbye, a letter for him to know it wasn’t his fault, a letter to remind him of the good memories we had together and to tell him it’s ok to move on and find someone else once I’d gone.

I wasn’t sure if to write about this but I do think it’s important. Gambling nearby took my life. It took away my money, my dignity, my passions, my confidence, my enjoyment for life. Thank goodness I made the decision to get help. 

I am writing this to show that things can better. You don’t need to let gambling win or even worse take your life. No matter how hard things are at the moment people do want you around, no matter what your brain is telling you! People would absolutely want to help, if they new the turmoil and pain you were suffering. Reading my letter has honestly left me in tears. Reading it back reminded me of how badly I was suffering and how badly I wanted it all to end. Thankfully I have stayed gambling free and I am soooo much happier without it. I remember in my head thinking ‘I’ll be happy when I win x amount of pounds. I never was…. Even when the wins came, it didn’t make me happy. I am happier being grateful for the small things. Gambling used to take up ALL of my time and energy. Now I am happy when I hear my favourite song or have my favourite food. It might sound cliche but to be more present and aware of myself and my thoughts/feelings has been super helpful in changing my life. I still have gambling debts to deal with and other problems to sort out but I feel stronger to actually deal with life. Please please tell someone. When I called the helpline I finally felt free to talk and they made me feel like my life was worth living. Please give them a call/use the chat and start the journey towards a happy you.