May 2015 - This is when I take control of my addiction

So once I get to the end of today I shall be 2 weeks gamble free. I guess it's a little milestone but I don't plan to stop there. This shall be a lifestyle. Id rather concentrate on not gambling and getting on with life than a life of some highs but all too many lows through gambling. I'd rather get my highs elsewhere.

Tips I learned in my brief session after the note taking has been mentioned in other threads. The time, money, access notion where if you have all 3, you have a good possibility of gambling. If you take out one, it makes it harder. I do think this is a good idea as for the mean time I may feel strong minded but if there ever was a point where I guess, forgot and walked mindlessly into gambling, then being without these 3 things, I have ensured myself that there is a sort of block in place. Without the money I can't gamble. Without the access to money or gambling then I can't gamble and if I don't have the time then I can't gamble. So removing at least one will help. Hence giving control or finances over to my partner. I want to be strong willed and I don't always believe that if you have things in place it should help you not gamble. I think the most important thing for giving up gambling is you not wanting to and being strong enough but yeah having things in place invade you are not feeling strong minded will also help.

My counsellor also mentioned the idea of being the parent, adult and child. When we are losing we turn into the child, we are allowing gambling to dictate and the gambling or site turns into the parent where we succumb to. When we are winning or doing ok, we convince ourselves that we are the adult and are in control of what's happening but we are in actual fact giving the control to gambling and the site as you are still allowing something to feed your addiction, a bit like a child being fed and we are therefore the child. By choosing not to gamble, we are the adult in charge of our own decisions and therefore not succumbing to the need to gamble. As children need things. We will eventually become the parent when the addiction is at bay and we can rest knowing that we don't need this in our lives and can move forward. That was my interpretation of what the counsellor said. Whether that's what they meant was another matter but I guess that's how I'm going to take it and it makes sense to me :).

Hopefully I gain more from the following sessions and I recommend anyone to seek outside help as its good to talk to someone who is trained not to judge but to help, Jez

I feel the need to post again as although I'm not feeling any urges to gamble I still keep getting feelings of what was I thinking in my last gambling episode 2 weeks ago that has led me to here. After winning the £500 odd over the 8 months I was sports betting and then turning to a casino website where my problem gambling really took hold. I won a further £1100 and that took me to £1600 in profit. I knew then that I had issues with online casino betting in the past and his was the time to walk away in front. I said to myself I would use £100 and when lost I would sign out. I had every intention and wish I could turn back the clock. I keep getting feelings of if I had done this or that. I was thinking that if I self excluded myself there and then, the site would have to honour my withdrawals and all would be good. I was however worried that they wouldn't honour it. I wish I had have done that and dealt with the consequences than to allow what I did next. As we all know. The cancelling the withdrawal process is awful, I wish they didn't have that but obviously they do and it must make them so much money. Anyway. I ended up blowing the lot and £2000 more. I've made a promise to myself that this won't happen again and I will do everything in my power for it not to happen again. I've done well over the last 2 weeks and I still don't have any urges to gamble but I just wish I had made a different choice, I honestly don't know why I couldn't be strong enough to stick to my guns and self exclude with the withdrawals pending. In all honesty I would have probably continued sports betting and enjoyed it as I never went over the top, but I guess what I've got to remember is that I would have only eventually gone to another casino site because I was 'winning' and probably blew the lot. So I guess yeah it's a lesson learned, but even if it wasn't learned then it would have been a few months down he line and I guess the good thing is that I'm sorting myself out now, than go through another few months, be older and this all happen then. Which would I guess be closer to my wedding and would be harder to sort out. So although I am so annoyed with myself for not being stronger and I can't get my last losing episode out of my head, I guess I'm glad that it's happened now and not further down the line. I could also say that I enjoy sports betting and didn't necessarily lose too much, but it still did take over my personality and made me more think about that than other things, so although I may not have been losing financially, I was in terms of other parts of my life and also not being interesting in achieving other things. So I know in my self that it couldn't have carried on either way. Also if it had have carried on, eventually when I want kids and a house etc, I wouldn't want to be a father who was still gambling and engrossed in it. So I suppose if I can keep at not gambling it will be a blessing. As a lot of people say, it may be an expensive lesson but I guess we'd all pay it to change our lives. As I said, I know it's stupid to keep thinking about that money etc. I know people will say, it was never there, or it wasn't real, but it was and I can't help but feel gutted about it. But again, I'd rather it happen now than later. I guess I'm writing down my train of thoughts to remind myself that although it's bad what has happened. Some good will hopefully come out of it. I would appreciate anyone else's thoughts on me trying to forget about this. Although I guess it's good to remember as it will make me not do it again. But yeah if anyone has any words of wisdom, I would appreciate it, Jez

Well onto 15 days gamble free. Unfortunately no answers from my last post. Still beating myself up about it all. In work at the moment and everyone seems to be winning. I have no urges to gamble but just wish I made different decisions. But I guess I'd still be gambling if I had. Anyway, 2nd counselling session tomorrow. The first was good but I guess I felt week and was conscious as to what I seemed like. I guess it's best to admit defeat and accept the help regardless of how you appear and what their thoughts of you are. Anyway, hope everyone is doing well. I shall not let gambling win any longer. No longer want to be embroiled because I can't be bothered, this is my new fight, Jez

Hi Jez,

Sorry to hear that you still beat yourself up about the previous episode.

I definitely think that trying to forget about it is the wrong way to go about it, you would just be suppressing a negative emotion and that might cause undue stress and anxiety/depression.

Accept that you made a mistake and use it as fuel to help you get over your problems. I know it's easier said than done, but in this battle you need to turn things like this into positives.

With regards to people at the bookies seemingly winning all of the time, you know that they are in a losing circle... When they place a bet they are already losing over their lifetime, and anything that they 'win' will ultimately be reinvested and lost.

Congrats on getting this far, keep going.

Nath

Cheers Nath,

Really appreciate the response. I will try not to beat myself up still and use it in a constructive way. I understand about the people winning etc. I know that it's just a cycle and ultimately I should just get over it.

I've had my second counselling session and it went well. I'm not sure if I took as much from it this time as I don't think I got the answers I was looking for but it was nice to talk and I've got to remember that this will be a long process.

I have to say something because I think it's a bit unfair. On a few threads, some people have said that the people that work in the betting shops are 'vermin' etc and others having a go that gamcare is funded by the gambling industry. At the end of the day, I was 19 when I first got a job in a betting shop and I had never been in one before and had no idea about gambling. I wasn't sent there to trap people to gamble, it was a job. I've found it difficult to leave and yes I would like to do something else that I would be proud of but at the end of the day I need a job. To call us vermin is disgusting. The amount of hate and abuse I've received by customers and I haven't dragged these people off of the streets to gamble, I haven't made them get their money out to gamble. I've gambled myself and I take responsibility for it. I don't start abusing people. As for having a go at gamcare. I've got 12 free counselling sessions and the people on here are here to help. I'm going to take their help, regardless of who they are funded by because I want help. I'm not going to abuse them because quite frankly I'm not that horrible. I may be down but I would never resort to being like that. So if that is how some recovering gambling addicts want to act then that's up to you, but spare a thought that people working in the shops are still people, they're not evil and your abuse is unnecessary. If I get a backlash then so be it, just had to say.

I won't gamble, my life is better without it, Jez

Your right Jez, a jobs a job.

Does give you an opportunity to help anyone you see that might be struggling?

Sure you ask anyone who is struggling and offer them Gamcare and other help?

I take it that's a question? Yes I have offered help. I've given people help and advice when I've felt hypocritical and should abide by my own advice I've given. We offer leaflets for Gamcare, I've explained how it helps and I make sure that I'm empathetic. Especially as I've been through exactly what some of the customers have gone through. Self-exclusion, talking discreetly, tea etc. We are not trained counsellors but I try my best. So yeah whether I'm perceived as 'vermin' then so be it. Jez

Its not an easy situation for you to be in as you say but you're trying your best to help others

Keep going Jez

Tri

Cheers Triangle, I appreciate it, Jez

Jez, you are not vermin, you are however an easy target for people that are out of their minds! We CG's are all very angry @ the gambling industry but no-one has the right to say such vile things to you 🙁 You're not the fat cat paying designers to come up with ideas to suck us all in, you're just another victim of the industry that you just so happen to work for! I am to blame for my gambling problem & my impatience I kept inside when the clerk couldn't get 'my' money fast enough, I am the mug that stood there & poked every penny back in after 'cashing out', repeatedly! I'm not going to lie & say I wasn't very bitter with tellers who made if difficult for me to self exclude but I would never hold anyone working in those holes, to no doubt put a crust on the table, responsible! Treat comments like this with the contempt they deserve & focus on your own addiction! Don't kid yourself that people are winning...Its a mugs' game & the only winners are people who choose not to play!

Keep fighting - ODAAT

Cheers ODAAT for your post, I appreciate it and understand where you are coming from. Still going strong with not gambling. Taking each day as it comes. I will not gamble, Jez

Day 18 and still going strong. No gambling for me today. Small steps but ones that will hopefully last. I don't want to slip, I don't want to gamble, I want a good future and I shall always remind myself of this, Jez

Day 20. I haven't gambled today. I am still not willing to gamble, however I had my first 'for gods sakes' moment. I wouldn't usually put a £100 single on anything but in the senario, to make a dent in getting out of my overdraft, I would have considered it. A guy that usually does well as he receives tips (he doesn't always win, but he does fairly well) came into the shop and placed money on a 3/1 about half an hour ago. I knew that he was onto something and I felt that it would have been an easy way to win back some money. I guess the thoughts of it not winning made me not do it as I didn't want to make things worse. But yeah it went and won. At the end of the day, I wouldn't have done it as I'm self excluded everywhere and also I made a promise to myself and my partner that I will do my utmost to never bet again. Me talking about this is not a thing where I'm saying, 'I could have done it and been a bit better off' because I have made that promise not to gamble and I don't want my future to be worse. However, this environment is very difficult, I cannot wait to eventually leave, but until then I just have to go through the battle. And it's a battle I shall win.

I shall not gamble, winning is temporary, having a better future is more important, Jez

Day 21, another tip mentioned at work which won at 20/1. I must remember that although my downfall was online casino. Believing I was good at picking horses is just temporary. I was told in my last counselling session that the bookies provide you with the papers, the form, the knowledge etc to make you think that you are skilled, which I felt I was. But eventually, the longer you are involved, the inevitability is that you will lose. I don't want to be immersed in gambling, even on the horses where I thought I was good at, and I must remember that these tips may win, but in the long run, what does it actually achieve? Nothing. 3 weeks nearly done. Let's make it 3 months, 3 year, 3 decades. Life. I will do my absolute best to make this happen, Jez

Nice to see you doing well Jez, keep it up. I haven't had time to update my blog as often as I would like but it's refreshing to see people having similar thoughts to me, as you do.

All of the people in my dept at work are raving about a new winning account and they're all trailing the bets, funny how they seem to be losing once they start backing the same selections! They're out of pocket and I'm winning by not betting!

Keep it up, 1 month is approaching and I think that's a good milestone to hit