May 2015 - This is when I take control of my addiction

Thank you for your post cardhue. I agree that I've got to like not gambling as opposed to wanting not to. I think I feel that way to be honest, I've decided on a good number of positives of not gambling and I'm just enjoying not being embroiled in it all. Just wish I had done it before getting into debt, but then I guess I wouldn't have stopped. Anyway day 41, still going strong. It's not that I have been busy that I haven't been able to update more often, it's just a few things have been going on. Either way, I'm sticking to it and just getting on with things, Jez

Day 44, things are still going well, still fed up of being in debt but glad I have plans to sort it out. Not much else to report, Jez

Day 47, still plodding along, fairly certain that I haven't gone this long without gambling in the past 8 years. Don't feel the need to let out all of my emotions at the moment, just head down and not really thinking about it as much anymore. Still a bit sick about my last episode but I'm happy that's staying with me. I guess it's like a child burning themselves on an oven, you are less inclined to touch it again. Any who, not much else to add, Jez

Thank you for your response GT. it is now 1 day away from that milestone which I'm pleased about. I do love the feeling of not having nots in my stomach anymore. I still feel horrible about being in debt, as mentioned a hundred times before so I'll stop going on about it, but yeah, happy about not feeling horrible inside through gambling. Any who, onwards and upwards, Jez

Day 54 and still gamble free. No wobbles, no anything, just getting on with it. Life is happening at the moment and I'm glad, Jez

Day 57, notching off the days. Things are going well, long may it continue, Jez

good work jez, at pretty similar stages of recovery now. the days seem to pass pretty quickly and are racking up.

Keep up the good work and keep your guard up- we are fast approaching a risky time where we can get caught out

Alright Luke,

The days are going by quickly, those first few days/couple of weeks took an eternity but the days are going quickly by now. I understand that we must keep our guard up because we don't want to be lured into a false sense of security so to speak. I have zero intention to gamble. I don't want to waste any more time, and it's not to say that I'm too busy, which is sometimes how I feel, it's more that I have things that I feel like I have to tick off in a way, and instead of gambling, it's like, what's the next thing I have to do next? This is helping me a lot. I do realise that I may hit a time that I don't have things to do and, like in the past, would look to fill up the time with gambling. I know that I do not want this to happen by any means and will just plod along. I think the feeling of not being bothered with gambling anymore is helping. Reading people's stories is still helping, even though I'm not writing as much on my diary. I find that everyone's recovery is a real journey and the majority of the time a struggle. I would say that on face value I am doing ok in my recovery so far but I think I have got to this point as on a number of occasions I have tried to quit, or wean myself off of change my ways of gambling or any other forms of trying to quit. Now I know that I can't convince myself any other way other than to give up and full abstinence, as gambling isn't worth in any way shape or form, not even for the money aspect, which is the main thing in a way, but for how it changes me as a person, for how much effort it takes, for how much time it takes, it is just a waste and I cannot literally be bothered anymore. I'm happy to plod along and make improvements at my own speed. I'm thankful for a lot of things and appreciate so much more. 60 days today. An achievement, thank you again Luke for your message and I hope all continued success with your recovery, Jez

Day 67 gamble free. The days are going quick, still yet to book a further counselling session, trying to find the time is hard but I know it's paramount for me to do so, so I will soon, Jez

Day 73, still no counselling session booked, just seem to be busy all of the time, mainly because I've tried to improve my life in a number of ways which has proved to be successful thus far. So 10 weeks and 3 days, the time has flown by, the first couple of weeks felt like an age but now life seems to be flying by, I've felt that I've goals to achieve and feel in a lot better place. I think gambling kept me in a rut and made me not want to face things and took up my time as well as everything else. I believe that my last loss has held me in good stead, it made me feel that there was no point in winning, because eventually I would have a mad one and lose it all and more. I had rather that it not had happened but to be honest as much as I would have liked, I would never have left gambling on a winning note, I would have some sort of excuse to continue, at least this way I've realised that I will always lose and there is no point to put myself in the cycle. Anyway, feeling positive these days and can't wait for the adventures and achievements I look to accomplish, as well as the feelings of comfort and contentment and not the feelings of stress etc through gambling. Roll on the next how ever many gamble free days, Jez.

Jez89 wrote:

Day 73, still no counselling session booked, just seem to be busy all of the time, mainly because I've tried to improve my life in a number of ways which has proved to be successful thus far. So 10 weeks and 3 days, the time has flown by, the first couple of weeks felt like an age but now life seems to be flying by, I've felt that I've goals to achieve and feel in a lot better place. I think gambling kept me in a rut and made me not want to face things and took up my time as well as everything else. I believe that my last loss has held me in good stead, it made me feel that there was no point in winning, because eventually I would have a mad one and lose it all and more. I had rather that it not had happened but to be honest as much as I would have liked, I would never have left gambling on a winning note, I would have some sort of excuse to continue, at least this way I've realised that I will always lose and there is no point to put myself in the cycle. Anyway, feeling positive these days and can't wait for the adventures and achievements I look to accomplish, as well as the feelings of comfort and contentment and not the feelings of stress etc through gambling. Roll on the next how ever many gamble free days, Jez.

Good to see you still going strong Jez, keep it up, you're doing great

Thanks fella, things have been going well. Day 83, 10 days since my last update. Been busy filling up time with trying to improve my life, in a few aspects and it has been working. Really happy with my progress so far and have zero intention of going back, Jez.

Day 89 and going strong. Time makes such a difference it's unreal. I know I could relapse but things seem to be so much easier. I won't be lured into a false sense of security but I literally feel like I'm addicted to keep my gamble free days intact, there's no other way, Jez.

Day 91. Still no gambling. I think I'm at my hardest point for temptation though. Football season is about to start and I'm finding it harder to not want a bet. I still have zero want to go on a binge. My main issue in the past was online. I will not ever go online again. I feel like I'm going to miss doing my football bets which wouldn't be anymore than £5. I guess that £5 is better staying with me though. I've never bet on the roulette machines and never will. I wouldn't do horses in shops as you don't get BOG so I think if I did just go in to place some football bets it wouldn't be so bad. However, I think that I'm just convincing myself that it wouldn't. It would still be gambling and to be honest, what is the point, that £5 could be better off spent elsewhere and by gambling I will enter the cycle again and as much as I believe I wouldn't bet on other things, I couldn't guarantee it and I guess that's scary. So as much as I'd love to have a bet on the football, I know it isn't worth what the eventual destruction could be. And this wouldn't be worth me losing my partner or losing another however many months to gambling. I've made progress and I plan to stick to it. Needless to say, this has been my first true temptation. I guess I'll just have to battle it in my head and just remember that it isn't worth it, Jez

Day 96, still fighting, 4 more days until 100 days. A good achievement, long may it continue, Jez