Morning merry go round . It is indeed a beautiful day , may I wish you a happy time celebrating your daughters birthday . I admire your appreciation of the beauty that surrounds us all , also your spirited response to adversity is heartwarming . Sadly your anguish and anger at the unnecessary suffering man creates seems to cause you a lot of pain .
It's always been like this ' man's inhumanity to man ' , it knows no bounds . I just read that on this day in 1349 ' Jews who survived a massacre in Constance Germany were burned to death ' , I suppose it's human nature .
On a brighter note might I suggest reading the famous poem 'Desiderata ' which can be uplifting . The closing lines read ; With all its sham , drudgery and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful, strive to be hsppy .
My problem is letting go. I'm so frustrated by people ignoring advice, each other, problems. If you're asking advice why ignore it? Making excuse? If you have a partner why do you ignore them? make devastating decisions that will affect them? lie, be secretive? The problem gets bigger, you feed it your lies. Ignoring your partner on gadgets, watching sport, goalkeepers eating pies, playing games. I too am guilty of this as no one is talking to me. Another addiction! My cg read me a poem if you can call it that, called 'addiction'. I've tried to google it and found lots more! 'I wish you death' is what stuck in my mind! Anyway another day another argument started over nothing, I have to talk it out, he wants to ignore it. I said to him no point stopping gambling if you don't change. He's done 100 days now he needs to work on himself. He has to make the effort. Don't say something behind someone's back that you're not prepared to say to their face. It will make you stop and think about what you're saying. It's a work in progress. There's no point giving up gambling if your life doesn't improve and that comes from within.
September 11, 2001. That was the day, markets crashed. So 16 years on, the rollercoaster has stopped for today. My daughters 15 today, that's all her life. Think on young gamblers. Meeting was great lots of tears and laughter. Let's hope it helped someone. It helps me. I sewed the back on the wrong way, 1 minutes sewing, 20 mins unpicking! So much for practice. Rushing! 'Man in the mirror' was in the radio going to meeting. 'Make that change' 'I'm starting with the man in the mirror'. Go for it, make the change!
Just sent my 17 year old off to a new college, I feel anxious for him, going on the train, first day, don't know anyone! A new start! Victoria Derbyshire yesterday gambling at uni. Director of the gambling commission Ben haden. Couple of students at GA meeting. What chance is there starting them off so young. Gambling responsibly, what is that? What is the enjoyment in loss? There are very few who never gamble, few who do it once win, walk away. It's designed to be addictive, how can they not see that it will cause destruction? Anyway that's another discussion. I'm busy hopefully finish my sewing project, sleeves!!
There's a list in the front of the book, a list of how gambling affects you. Maybe 20 questions. 'Have you ever sold something of value to gamble?' (not exact words). My cg wrote 'watch for my 40th from mum and dad'. I didn't know this, he left the book open on the windowsill! That makes me sad, his dad is dead now. It was expensive. I asked him when he came in from work, when did he sell it? 18 months ago for £70!
Would I change things? Would I have taken a different path? No, if I could see today 18 years ago I would choose this path. We have 2 beautiful teenagers. We have had many difficulties not just gambling. I am grateful for today. That's all that matters.
🙂 🙂 🙂
Cathyx
Thx Cathy x. So I watched the documentary on 'pokies' poker machines. The dopamine, the rat, the machine, the brain. One woman said it 'soothed her'. It's all brain washing. From the casino to the government to the addict. Shows how gambling is rigged, you can only lose. That's entertainment? I'd rather do a jigsaw, really. Got to do my hem. I slightly adjusted sleeves to be longer and added a belt, so I'm really pleased with myself. What shall I do next?
I saw 2 magpies this morning playing dodge the car. I take my cg to work Saturday mornings at 6:15! Lucky me! I saw a clip from BBC news this week, breakfast, can't remember which day. It popped up on my news feed, just a short clip of a couple talking about their son. £50k debt, his note said 'addiction is cruel'. He was cg! He had nowhere to turn, sad news. One life is too many. I finished my dress, now I need new project.
Adult Education classes are all just starting up. I'm starting a 10 week creative writing course tuesday which should be fun. Not gambling means I can afford it. so thats another finger up to the addiction.
Enjoy your posts which are usually quite interesting ...stephen
Thx Stephen (usually)? So today is my mum's 81st birthday. She is a true matriarch. She has held me together from 3 when my father left to today. She has seen her 2 girls go through many difficult and close to death experiences. She has also experienced that with her grandson. She is always there working all hours when we were growing up, looking after us as adults when we've been ill. She used to sit under the stairs knitting during the air raid! 'If I'm here next year!' Is her saying! So off to my sister's for tea and cake! New library book (stopped the beautiful dead) 'did you see melody?'. So many things to do, so little time. Ordered new fabric for 'c' table decs, I know couldn't help myself, and some for clothes! Tut tut!
Monday comes around all too soon. I read that blog Phil 'is addiction a disease?'. It intrigues me, my cg's sister had a shopping problem and couldn't have credit cards when I met him, she's also obsessed with cleaning. My cg thinks you can retrain your brain. So is it all learned behaviour? It's definitely reinforced behaviour because you keep repeating. I might look for the book in the library. So retrain for pleasure, a new pastime that brings same feelings? 'Maybe I'm addicted ' by Enrique inglesias and 'my recovery ' by James Arthur was blaring in the house yesterday morning. My cg is another who loves music and words reach out to him. Wore my dress!! Everyone shocked I could make it! A friend has asked for one too! Makes ya feel good!
I found "Women who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood and "Facing Codependency" by Pia Mellody worthwhile if difficult reading.
Addiction doesn't come from nowhere.
CW
Thanks CW I may have read that years ago. I've read 'codependent no more' and 'the dance of anger' which was really good. 'Prozac nation' was another. There's loads out there! Had an hysterical meeting, literally. I was asked to read 'yesterday today and tomorrow' I think it was called. There was a line 'tomorrow I will wake up with a satisfying glow' as you can imagine lots of comments. 'That'll be the menopause', etc. Anyway very funny! No one read the 12 steps. We always talk on the way home, there's normally chat about how busy it was or wasn't, did they come back? So last night was confession time, remembering his bad behaviour, how even though I had the finances he could still get loans to gamble by keeping bank accounts open. It's unbelievable how without any salary going into an account you can get credit. Winnings pay off loans when that's run out, another loan. I felt sick, anxious. It is totally alien to me. I was brought up by single mum, wore hand me down clothes. You certainly didn't spend money you didn't have and you didn't have a loan. The world is so different now and I'm not 100! He also talked about ruining friendships. Disappearing to gamble, being annoyed by people, noise. 'They were in my way'. I can't imagine, but it must be similar despair when you hear that confession. How? How do we pay the bills? how do we move forward? I am grateful for today, I'm grateful for my meeting. The people in that group are all trying to help each other. They are all acknowledging what's wrong. Last night everyone was happy even if it was for just that hysterical moment! And Stephen 'the chair' asked me and another to read 'desiderata'! Fate!
No books in the library about compulsive behaviour other than OCD and smoking! Are we addicted to our smart phones? Probably! I see cgs are constantly talking about money lost, getting money back. I think that we would be better focussing on behaviour. Change what you do. If your struggling at certain times of day do something else, set yourself a task. Look at 'Abstainer', dance class, swim. Do something for someone else. Just stopping isn't enough, you have to change behaviour then you won't be sitting there missing your destructive behaviour. Action speaks louder than words. Be proactive not self pitying. We need to put the gadgets down, turn the tv off. I know, it's tough, I'm sat here with my phone!
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
