Monte Carlo or bust?

Can I just say, I don't want to b**t into conversations between cgs, and I feel most cgs don't read this. I guess feelings are we don't get it. So this is my view, cgs aren't addicted to winning, some have said money has nothing to do with it. The brain is addicted to the anticipation and the dopamine. So you constantly go back, the winning and losing are almost irrelevant. It's anticipation. So you need to find something that fulfills the same feelings. Just stopping isn't enough. So if you can't get someone to look after your money what do you do? That's a barrier but as proved by my cg not foolproof. So you have to change, change behaviour. Any small thing will help. You are going to feel withdrawal. You are going to feel the desire so you have to anticipate it. If you start looking at yourself and finding out what is going on? Why? What happened? Or what didn't? What can't I deal with? These things will help you. No one said it would be easy. It has to come from you. Talking constantly about what you used to do keeps the fire burning, fuels desire. Action and change. Instant messaging, forum in the dark ages. This has to be controlled. If there were instant messaging can you imagine? You have to train your brain to think of other things. Don't just sit there saying how much you miss it. You have to physically do something else. I'm exasperated! Invisible! Really?

Hi MGR, I said this forum is dated because it is, i've grown up with the the evoulution of the internet, and communication moves forward, this forum is a Nokia 3310 still works but its no iPhone 8, I said IM because you can relate to some more than others on here, you dont have to read or even reply to an IM but some stories relate to yours more than others and some good posts get lost by the same old same old posts.

Your the wife of a CG and your doing a lot of reading and trying to figure it out, your last post is an example. But you only know if you've been there and not a small loss a very destructive loss to what that truly feels like within, I'm trying to understand it myself, hence why I came here in the first place. You learn everday you get to know the folks you think might be following the same path as you and you wanna keep them all focused and staying on the path, some will fall off as I for one cannot see the end of the path. I dont feel sorry for myself, I done it I have to be responsible for my own actions, I want to never gamble again but the switch is like the cube in hellraiser its hard to decipher, but I'm finding looking into the valley of the beast and educating myself on gambling and addictions a positive way to rid my demons and live a gamble free life.

PS: I read your posts :-]

Hi MGR

Agree with the point about the other side of the forum thinking we don't get it. To be fair, they are right. In mitigation and personally speaking I don't want to get it. I don't think it's in my interests to get it and that's why I value Mr L's attendance at GA.

I also think an awful lot (not all) of the 'other side' don't want to hear from us because it brings them face to face with the effect they've had/are having on their families in quite a raw way. Isn't going to stop me butting in if I want to though 😉

Hi MGR :)).

Your right about CG's not being " Addicted to winning " .We may feel it's about the money initially maybe wanting to supplement your income a little but once the gambling crosses that line and becomes " Compulsive " all we want is the "Rush" it bring's and " Win or Lose " doesnt really come into it other than if we do manage to get some of our lost money back which allows us to carry on gambling . When I first came here I placed a lot of emphasis on the whole " Being better off " since stopping thing but as I've changed as a person over the last couple of years I've come to realise the money is t. he least of the problem

Change has to be made with most aspects of our lives , we have to address underlying issues that whilst in the grip of addiction were well and truly swept under the carpet but through this change comes a far better way of life , one where not only are we true to ourselves for once but to those around us that mean the most .

I alway's read all the post's from the f and f side as for me it offers a great insight into what we as Cg's cause and the place wouldn't be the same withought all of your input , so keep posting :))

All the best

Alan .

Hi

I think you’ll find you probably have a huge following. The site is kinda set up for the them and us way, where as is should be a shared platform. It’s kinda cool that you made the jump into the recovery section. I don’t know why more don’t there’s more interaction this side. Lethe maybe right some probably don’t want to hear it. When gambling you don’t really see the pain caused to other people it’s more me,me,me I believe we can learn from each other. Us learning the effects it has on those around us from you and you learning what it’s like to be us.

You’re definitely right when you say you have to be proactive. The old saying nothing changes if nothing changes. Change doesn’t mean coming to this site every day it’s your whole lifestyle that has to change that’s key to beating addiction. Blocks and money restrictions are all good but if you do it right you simply won’t need them.

Thanks for sharing and enjoy the rest of your day

Fletch

Good morning to my followers, o*g that made me laugh and feel strange. Thank you for reading and commenting, I like discussion, I'm not offended by differences of opinion. I know I'm a thorn in some sides, but that's me. My cg hates and loves me for it. I had a really good day, a friend called, the one I'd told a few weeks ago. I bought some fabric, black kind of tartan/check thinking skirt or dress. My daughter wants it! Make me a skirt. Delivery of Christmas fabric and dress fabric (I know nuts) to make another dress or top, she wants that too! This could be mini industry here! Waiting for the patterns and then I'm going to get started. It's bizarre how excited I am. A new project, sewing machine for my birthday and it has changed me. Action!

Morning Mrs Merry. Great to have your input into the recovery diaries. Always good to keep loved ones in the forefront of our minds. They get a real emotional battering and are sometimes left to pick up the pieces of a family left in turmoil. Sometimes they might feel their pain is being ignored as people rally around the compulsive gambler.

On my diary I choose some music for me to reflect on during the day. My choice for tomorrow is a tribute to brave souls like yourself. The sentiments can apply equally to men or women but in the song it is directed towards a lady......stephen

Morning! Thank you Stephen, ignored is what we are. We're ignored when the cg is active we're ignored when cg stops. Everyone always asks 'how's M?', they don't ask him directly and they don't ask how I feel they just want to know what happened. What happened is almost irrelevant, it's the change in everything. When my cg is active he's a different person i.e. Active gambling AND active physically when he's not. Does that make sense? I only want to see a physically active, happy cg in my house. I drop him at work 6:30 Saturdays and listen to radio on way back, first few lines of Sam Smith's new song 'You must think I'm stupid, you must think that I'm a fool, you must think I'm new to this, but I've seen this all before!' It's so eerie the way they speak to you. So some cgs think we don't feel what they do. It's very interesting because there is obviously a chemical reaction in the brain. Then there's realisation of loss and despair. Feeling out of control. Not remembering, a fog, red mist. So when your cg confesses and you hear how much, what they were doing, their absences that you feel. I also feel despair, total loss of control, I cannot remember the time line of events. I am powerless as is a cg. So to whoever is reading this do not forget how much this affects us. Do not underestimate the destruction. Then after the confession if the finances are handed over, we then become jugglers! I see a person who sleeps while I worry. It's almost like he removed a 'cloak' and placed it on my shoulders. So I've learnt to take that 'cloak' and just leave it on a hook. There's no point in worrying, worrying never changed a thing. I procrastinate I need to do many things today. Better get on with it!

Morning, feel bad, I read those lyrics to my cg and he said 'r u having a pop at me?' I didn't mean to and I didn't mean it to be a 'weapon'. When I hear cgs not confessing and refusing to tell their partners or close person, that's how I feel. You have a gut feeling something is wrong, things aren't right, there is anger brewing. So I know when the mood changes, don't ask, your powerless, but you know. So that is all. My sister is running 10k in a relay triathlon today. Her first long run. We are all going to support her as a family. It's meant to be a beautiful day and it's in a beautiful place, hever castle! So got to get going. A question 'what do admin do when they see a relapse?' 'Does counselling help you deal with that likelihood in the future?' As in 'do they teach you strategies?'

Merry go round, your sister must be one tough cookie, great your all there together cheering her on. Love reading your diary, full of interesting snippets and best of all it's straight from the heart. Take care...... stephen

Hi Stephen she only did the running part, she made it, said she felt sick the whole way. It was a hot day to run. I'm late today, boiler being fitted! Cg went off with the keys for gate, need to get to flue on outside wall. There's always a hiccup! I always read the ghost before my diary, I hope he's ok. Cg constantly listening to that Sam smith track!! It's that thing where you offer an idea to someone which they ignore and then they return with the same idea and say it's theirs. Whatever! Feeling happy.

Meeting last night, I think we disturbed GA, we were laughing so much. Cg said he has a good feeling after his meeting which is great. He made amends with my brother in law on Sunday, they'd had a tiff about 6 years ago. Resolved kind of but never really talked about. So that is a massive step. 'Something inside so strong' on the radio last night, look at the lyrics! The more you refuse to hear my voice (ooh-weh ooh-weh ooh-weh ooh-weh)
The louder I will sing
You hide behind walls of Jericho (ooh-weh ooh-weh ooh-weh ooh-weh)
Your lies will come tumbling
Deny my place in time, you squander wealth that's mine
My light will shine so brightly it will blind you
Because there's......

Good to see your happy and singing along to the radio. Keep smiling and everyone will wonder what you've been up to ! ...stephen

Hi Merry go round. I spotted your questions: 'what do admin do when they see a relapse?' and 'Does counselling help you deal with that likelihood in the future?' and 'do they teach you strategies?'

We would always encourage people to have counselling. It can help with many things. The ultimate goal is to understand the roots of the problem but that isn't always possible with a short-term intervention, as the one we provide. However, counselling can help you learn to manage your urges and deal with relapses.

If we read a post of someone who relapsed we would encourage them to seek help and not keep it a secret. Many people do a great job at the beginning of their recovery and when they relapse they are too embarrassed to speak about it because they had promised they wouldn't do it again. This often starts off another spiral. So, the key to having a relapse is to accept that it is part of the recovery process. It is possible to prevent it but even if you weren't able to it doesn't have to be the end of your recovery.

I hope that helps.

Best wishes,

Forum Admin

Thanks forum admin whoever that is. I just see relapse a lot on here and not much help. I personally am undecided about counselling a gambler. I had a reply from the gambling commission if anyone is interested I can post bits of it. They say contact mp. Prove with statements payday loan and gambling transactions alongside. I'm sure many of you can do that. So there's a mission get on to the commission. Jo Johnson is my mp and university minister, so I might give it a go! All those students, there's been a few at GA! I'm good, radiators all work!