Monte Carlo or bust?

Morning so gambling commission and admin have responded to me. I am perplexed though by what I see here. I'm serious about help. This is a totally destructive life changing addiction. You name it someone on here has done it. So when I come on sometimes I look at unanswered, there's nothing worse than coming somewhere for help and not getting a response. I also try to point people to their own thread if they are lost at the bottom of someone else's. i try and help, give something back. I'm still not convinced about relapse and counselling. New day new stories new sadness new desperation.

It's incredible how a new productive hobby or pastime can make you feel. This sewing machine has brought me real joy, excitement and satisfaction. I can do something really well. I love to decorate too, I find it therapeutic and you can take pride in the finished product. So I've just read 'easy', 'unfortunately' and other misplaced words, attitudes. I hope all those out there are on their guard. Complacency is dangerous. I'm on my guard, receipts and penny counting. But do you know, there's a hand written receipt from the hairdressers and it's playing on my mind. This isn't easy, some moments are torture but if he had a bet there's nothing I can do. I am powerless.

The only receipt's I give out in my shop are " Handwritten" ones should they be asked for ,so if you notice another from a Fish and Chip shop ? Just Saying :)) If it's playing gently on your mind why not ask ? .

Sound's like the dress designing is going "AB FAB " Is it Lacroix Sweetie :)) .

Evening Merry.... It's true we don't have the power to run other peoples lifes, which to some degree is a good thing.Nevertheless it is within us to shape our own destinies. At the end of the day it's how we deal with our own challenges that's important.

....." Never underestimate the power of a woman with a sewing machine "

Morning thanks Stephen that made me laugh. I've been thinking about the 12 steps. It's funny when I think about gamanon I only think of a group, support group, group of friends. It's in a church hall and I never think of god. I like the steps and whether you adhere to them or not, you definitely work some of them. Admit we were powerless, honesty, admit our faults, make amends. I can't think of them all and in the last 12 years they've rewritten them. The message is still the same though. Be honest, let go, be a better person and make amends. Then help someone else, continue. If there wasn't gamanon I wouldn't be here seeking help and trying to help others. Whether that's a good thing or not, it's good for me. I think the longer you go to meetings the more you get. After time you embrace it because you see it helps. I met a friend yesterday from my previous gamanon meetings, hadn't seen her for 12 years. She divorced her cg, she looks a different person. He's never stopped.

Morning I always log on read all the new sad stories, some diaries and say a few words. I'm a worrier, things stick in my head, I can't shake them off. There are a few missing and I'm looking for them. I can't help it. So I hope they're ok. I'm ok. It's Sunday, quiet day nowhere to rush to.

Another day another distraught partner discovering the unknown depth of gambling. Another relapse, another..... I'm 'chair ' tonight got to think of a plan, an agenda. 'The games' is my favourite book, some will know what I'm talking about. The games a cg and whoever he is in contact with will play. The blame game, blame someone else so you can continue. The wife/partner it's your fault you never give me any peace. The parent I'm desperate give me more money. Oh and bye the way don't tell anyone! I met a friend on Friday who I used to go to meetings with, hadn't seen her for 12 years. She has been to hell with her health. She's divorced her cg after coming out of hospital and finding her 2 yr old asleep in the house alone with the back door unlocked. He was in the bookies. He took her for every penny, she was the main earner, he worked part time nights. He leaves his kids outside the bookies, makes them wait. He's probably still in there now. Oh and bye the way he doesn't have a problem! I'm the wife of a cg and I thank my lucky stars. I applaud all of those who are trying every single moment to beat this. One observation is self pity never got you anywhere.

Morning Merry, wishing you a good meeting tonight ;' The Games People Play ' ! Addiction loves playing games with the mind of the compulsive gambler, like a sinister puppeteer playing out a tragic tale of lies and deceit. I suppose one of addictions favourite games is ' let's beat the addiction', after all it wins 97% of the time. If we re-enter the battle with the same game plan than the outcome probably won't be any different. Whatever suits us, I think we need to introduce new weapons into the armoury. I personally had all but given up giving up, until I joined GamCare, had counselling, and started interacting with GamCare friends.

Enjoyed the literary weekend in Hull. Enjoyed some good performances but my favourite was ' Imtiaz Dharker' reading her poems. Absolutely brilliant.

Hiya merry go round thanks for.your comment on my diare you seem like.a.very strong person and you are such a great person for.sticking by your cg husband it definitely takes s some grit determination and balls.you are doing everything you can for.him and I admire that I hope.he can stop for you . Your last post makes me.think about my self and the sick things we do as gamblers and it's so wrong that's why i am stopping for myself my partner and my children to give them.the life and father they deserve x

I don't feel strong I feel sometimes I made the wrong choice. I think we end up trapped. There are many reasons for remaining as a family. i feel self pitying today and that's not good. I did not enjoy my meeting, but did. It's odd I'm a relative newbie at this meeting but because I used to go I know the routine. There are many members and most have been going 10yrs+. So when I'm in the chair they don't talk to me, they talk to the longest serving member. I find it infuriating, I have no control. I'm a person who likes to find information, help if I can, find an answer. So I got a 'slap on the wrist' for emailing the gambling commission. I shouldn't speak about the rooms. I'm sorry but the world has moved on. Compulsive gambling is on a whole new scale, online gamblers can loose vast amounts of money as credit is readily available. People should be protected, it makes no sense that someone can get a loan to gamble but a person on low income can't feed their family. It will take me all day to shake it off. Also discussed was the Las Vegas shooter. Was he a compulsive gambler? I feel sick. Thanks for your support and comments Stephen and Tommy.

Morning Merry, hope you enjoyed the Harvest Moon last night.

To me it sent out a clear message. Not to get too fixated on the merry-go-round and let all the thrills pass us by. Once we've done what we can to remedy a situation than put it out of our mind, enjoy life and all the wonderful things it has to offer....stephen

Thx Stephen still feel cra. P. Didn't want to write yesterday. The moon was massive out the back of the house last night, bright at the side in the night and still above the horizon at 7 this morning. I told my daughter to take photo, she's gone on art trip to Olympic park to study the orbital sculpture, red tower. So she's got her camera with her but think she'd missed it. Don't know if you watch tv but the new series Simon reeves travelling through Russia, bbc2. Quite amazing. Today I feel nothing changes unless we change something. What's the point of carrying on in the same way when the world is changing all around you. Rewritten steps but still same methods. Life is different now and gambling is on the rise and I feel I need to do something. 'Were all here for the same reason'. Why are we arguing. Why snipe we all have our own opinion. Non judgmental. ?

Morning! I'm in one of those moods! Reality? Reality is hard, it's the hardest one to ***. Reality is you can't stop them, you can't help. You are standing right in their way. Reality is no one knows, knows about the gambling, knows what it's like to live with a cg. Everyone always focuses on the money. Reality is money is far down on that list. Living with Jekyl and Hyde that's hard. Knowing how to play the 'game '. Keeping calm. Dealing with relapse. Friends think you should leave, friends tire of relapse, friends don't get it. Sometimes I don't get it! I do understand that abstinence is the only way. Lottery, raffle, T*****a it's all a gamble. It's all part of society, acceptable responsible gambling from 5 and up. Reeling them in as young as possible. Business. What are they selling? Now everyone's arguing sniping at each other about recovery. Labels. What do you want to call it? Compulsive gambling. You are compulsive. You are addicted. Addiction? The arguments are endless. Some have depression, some have denial. Some have GA, some have counselling, some have both. So who cares if you have god in your life, why does everyone get so upset about a word. Yes it's just a word. It's just an excuse. Whether you get there in a bus, a limousine, a handcart or a bucket. My husband calls me a bully when he can't get his hand on the money, when his behaviour is uncalled for. I'm just saying what he doesn't want to hear. There is no need for name calling. We are all different, we have different lives, different thoughts, opinions. Mine aren't worse, better than his/yours they're just different. Escapism, inability to cope, stress, inability to express yourself, immaturity, selfishness, weak, anger, sadness, madness! It's all consuming, you, we will all be swallowed up into the massive hole of addiction. For what? Because you didn't like what someone said or did. Because you won't listen, won't take advice. I have been on this road a very long time and I know it's forever. I don't know everything, anything but I do know that if you don't stand in the way of this juggernaut hurtling down the road towards you, the one coming in the other direction will crush you as you jump out of the way. You/I/we have to face it head on. Be brave, do not waiver. Stand your ground and it will brake just before your nose. You need to look it straight in the eye. See your demons. Do not expect them to disappear, they are going to be with you, whether you see them or not. Waiting! I have been fooled many times, I admit that. I know they are there. I jumped, I was hit by that truck, 2 or 3 times. Advice. We are standing here handing it out in bucketfuls, its overflowing . 'We're going backwards ' depeche mode 'ignoring our realities '

Loved reading that last post Merry Go Round, I will re-read it several times. Really enjoyed the record by Depeche Mode ' We're going backwards' and great video on youtube.

Take care, enjoy the rest of your weekend . With all it's sham, drudgery and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world. It must be true it says so in the poem ! ...stephen