Monte Carlo or bust?

Thanks Stephen. I just watched the 2 Vimeo by herb. Interesting. I did psychology at college so pavlov's rat and the learned behaviour is all in my memory. I'm still amazed by the sniping though. It's pointless and childish. You can't really have a proper conversation or debate in text. You can't see expressions, you can't hear tone or volume. Agitation and anger get misinterpreted. People always think you misunderstand, you're a fool. Sometimes people just want to get it out if their heads, don't need a response or lecture, no reply or an opinion. Nonjudgmental. My shoes don't fit you. You/I/we haven't walked your path, don't know your past. It's just opinion. I am the only person who can change how I feel. Happiness comes from within. Reaction. So if you continue to react in the same way the cycle continues. If you don't like what someone says ignore, or take the positive. No one can deny you need to get better after all this destructive behaviour. I believe that the continuum of negative behaviour and negative reaction are what got us here. The technique is to stop and change. Stop reacting stop answering stop arguing. Change your behaviour, answer, reaction. Brow beating someone into submission is where you began. It is not healthy. Let it go. Or better still change. You're not going to change by repeating the same. I don't believe that we choose to be like this, but you've got to stick your head above the parapet. Ask questions, gain insight, learn. Nobody should be castigated for their inability to act. There are many reasons why, you just don't know what they are. Opinion is not a judgment. It's a path you can choose, but there are many others. When someone asks a question they often don't want to be told what to do, they want to know what you think. I have a completely different mindset from the next person. It's a bag of sweets, you choose. Everyone likes a different flavour, that doesn't make it bad or wrong. I see anger and I don't like it, I won't join in either view, I have my own. The problem is when this cycle perpetuates their are many who won't share their view because of judgement. It's all a process of denial. You don't like their view, you deny them a voice. We are all conflicted. We all feel differently. I'm finding it negative and unhealthy. Your way is no better than mine.

Thank You for posting that MGR. I wish you well. -joan

You're welcome Joan! Just saying how I feel and think. So if you want debate go to that section. My cg and I talked the learned behaviour theory, repetition creates habit, creates addiction therefore compulsion? No? If it's learned behaviour everyone would become compulsive? No? Why do people become compulsive at 40? Addiction? Escapism? As I say gambling is designed to be addictive, corporations make money from the compulsive gamblers. Louis Theroux on bbc2 'dark states: heroin town' tough watch. I've felt rubbish the last week. So today is a new day.

I don't like it when people disappear. It really bugs me when people just come to one meeting. I've been foolish over the years, well actually downright stupid, but I do know it's never going away. I do know there's no cure. It bugs me when people argue and cast blame, never speak again. Character assassination behind your back. Curiously I recognised someone in my meeting, someone I've never seen. If you get my meaning. I hope they come back, I hope they don't feel shame. I hope they realise you need help to walk this road, a guide, a map and a torch. Oh and eyes in the back of your head!

When did you last gamble if you don't mind me asking?

Congratulations on your insight Merry Go Round. I find it both helpful and informative to see how the partner of a compulsive gambler views gambling addiction.

I admire your courage chairing the meeting, is it a GamAnon meeting ?. , It can be difficult in the chair, I know from attending GA that meetings can sometimes be quite emotive.

Take care and keep up the good work ...stephen

o*g what a question. To be frank I can't remember. Thanks Stephen. Sometimes I feel like 'writing ' sometimes just off loading. I find the chair difficult at this meeting, gamanon. I used to go to meetings 12+ years ago and everyone always gave a therapy, story of why. This one is different more in the today, more about life today. Definitely different opinions. As for my view of gambling and addiction, it's only what I see. I've learnt to distance myself and see it for what it is. I see the trouble in my husbands face, I see his inability to handle situations. I've seen him be emotionally destroyed by this. He can't be fixed, but he can get better. He'll never be 100% for different reasons. I've had many episodes of not coping myself. I'm not perfect far from it. It's about accepting each other, support.

Sorry I've just realised from reading other posts you're married to a CG not a CG.

Don't be sorry

I read posts, threads, diaries and books. As I've said before taking something or nothing from any of those mediums is a choice. To take something and use it against someone is not good. Interesting that I was mistaken for a gambler. How funny but how sad that it was a reason not to engage or invest time in. Here I am encouraged by some, a thorn to others. Addiction is selfish, I find it self righteous. Spiteful. I love this song 'what about us' Pink 'sold us down the river' 'broken happy ever afters' 'plans that ended in disaster'. I'm recovering too, trying to work it out, to forget, not to forget. As I've said who cares how you get there in a limo or a bucket. Acceptance, acceptance of others with their quirks, differences and opinions. Help. Help is what some want. Some just want to rant, some for you to just listen. Another thing caught my attention, I had no idea that compulsive gambling had a class system. But at least it's a leveller too!!

There are many things I want to say but on looking at responses it seems many don't listen, take offence or judge. Honesty. Admission. Bailouts. If you want to be a better person be true to yourself. Don't involve others in your lies and secrets. It's destructive. It's your debt own it. Some believe testing yourself is part of recovery, others believe stay away. Thinking that you are better than others is not helpful either. Stand up and be counted. Stop mocking someone's belief system. Conscience is better, have a conscience. Be mindful. Be aware of fragility. Offer a helping hand not a slap. I can only offer suggestions, someone to talk to. I can't do it for you, can't change you. Do it for yourself. self pity will not help either. Today is a new day, lots of illness, get better soon.

#like

Thankyou Merry Soul. I will be at a friends later and they're watching it so that's good, will miss rhe concert as I will be home than and I don't have a television. Love reading the posts on your diaries which are always relevant and taken straight from the heart .....stephen

I'm having a really bad few days. I feel people 'shut me down' verbally. It's almost like a book being slammed on the top of my head. I hate it, I have feelings, I am a human being. I'm not talking about my cg or anyone on here. I'm conflicted. I can't even really say how I feel here because it will be breaking the silence and at risk of offending others.

Hi Merry Go Round. The silence needs to be broken somewhere? Holding things in will only contribute to making things worse. I should know I kept secrets most of my adult life. The sense of freedom you feel from opening up (even on here) will overwhelm you.

Good luck.

Matt