Mr Grumpy: Round 3 and a half

Jon, seriously you can av her mate! It's right what Blondie said, she's an old s*****r. Last time I dated her I woke up next to her without her 'face' on, and you know what? I'd thought I woken up with that grandma from 'Benidorm,' Madge I think her name was, rode round on a mobility scooter and kept squawking 'f**g this!' it's all smoke and mirrors Jon, airbrush and soft lighting and you want to hear her burp, every 5 blooming minutes, no holding back either. You're welcome to her mate, I'm moving on. Now Mickey was class, proper gentleman. Made me feel special he did, he never laughed at my Ethel Austin baggy briefs like Kim did. Anyway I'd better go, Im going to start ripping all those posters of Kim down straight away and get the tatoos lasered off first thing tomorrow. Take care, keep strong, Steve

Should I hide?... feel like it.

Should I just pretend it didn't just happen?.. Feel like that too.

I don't feel angry yet... maybe in the morning... but maybe not.

There's a certain amount of relief... strange relief.

I slipped and fell... not like I have before.. £400... so quick... it was like I was hypnotised... could have gone on ...but I stopped before too much damage was done.

It had been coming... I know that... Have to tell my daughter tomorrow to change the password... she used the same one that she uses for something else... I worked it out... and just tried it... and it worked.... and 50 minutes later....

I feel ok.... pls don't tell me I have done well to come back straight away... or that slips happen... or that...... I know.. I have read it a thousand times.

I have slipped. But I begin again... maybe knowing bigger, stronger blocks are needed. Not going to self hate... I know it's gone. I have to learn... one gamble in 8 weeks and 6 days... tomorrow will be one gamble in 9 weeks... and day 1...

If you feel like posting a message... read my other posts and respond to them... not this one... I will not need reminding about this tomorrow... it is enough that I know and you know... tell me about how you are doing, or tell me a joke.. as long as it's a good one.

I remain determined to ... get stronger, get focused towards a happier life... I may have taken 3 steps back, but here's to the four steps forward.

JON

Hi Jon, I know you said not to mention it but I have to express my sorrow for you. I'm really gutted for you mate, this could happen to anyone at anytime and when it does it's truly heartbreaking. It's in each and every one of us to gamble, self suppression is often not enough and that's why barriers have to be watertight, you were just unlucky to have guessed the password. I won't hit you with any positives now because you're probably still feeling raw. Put it straight behind you, pick yourself up, no self loathing or depression, you've got to carry on the fight, what's the alternative? Mike

and Cameron used a slip to turn gambling into a revulsion and they haven't looked back since. Take

care Jon and I hope something clicks in your mind which will give you renewed strength, Steve.

Hi Jon

Same as Steve, I know you don't want it mentioned but just to let you know... I slipped the first time I tried after nearly 4 months, my slip lasted 2 and a half months and cost me £30k...

I am now nearly 4 months without a bet again but this time I am much wiser and much more determined never to go back.

You will be too... I just know you will. Please be kind to yourself.

Lmm

Yo

Father Christmas was not in a very good frame of mind - in fact he was very depressed.

That morning after breakfast, Mrs Santa had told him that her Mother wasoming over to stay 'for a few days' and he knew that would be for several weeks, and as Christmas was approaching her visit was the last thing that he wanted.

The Elves had neen playing up and had gone on strike for more pay. The replacement elves Santa had put in were much slower and the number of toys that had been made was way down.

Father Christmas went to visit his Reindeers and found that two of them were pregnant and another two had kicked down the fence and had disappeared into the forest. He was by now even more depressed.

What I need is a drink he thought, but upon going indoors he found that the elves had hidden his Whisky and there was nothing left to drink in his liquour cabinet. Deciding upon a coffee he went into the kitchen but managed to drop the Jar of Coffee all over the floor. Now he really was cheesed off!

He went to fetch the broom to sweep up the mess but found that the mice had chewed off all the bristles.

At that moment there was a knock at the front door.

Upon opening it, Father Christmas was confronted by a beautiful Fairy holding a lovely Christmas Tree.

"Good Morning, Santa" she called "Isn't it a really lovely day. I have bought you this beautiful tree, isn't it lovely? Where would you like me to stickit?"

And that is why by tradition we have a Fairy sitting on top of our Christmas Trees.

Something so far away from your last post as requested

You take care...

Dusty xxxxxx

My wife has just asked me if I have any fantasies....

I replied "Yes I have got this one where we pretend we are complete strangers and have never met"....

She said "What.. and you come and chat me up in some strange bar"

I said "No , just the first bit".............

Jon, I am not going to say be strong, you will come back stronger etc etc but just this...

Maybe its time to change the direction of the sail a little......... Try something different ? add something else to your tool kit ?

Keep going jon you CAN do this I know you can.

Blondie x

Hi Jon, I used to love my slips believe it or not. Don't know whether I enjoyed punishing myself or whether I'm just self destructive but I felt a sense of relief when everything was gone and the madness and mania of betting was over until the next time. Couldn't stop myself. It was a bitter cocktail of relief and sadness. I always turned to gambling for escapism and an easy fix, it consumed me.

Being a teacher, personally for me was difficult in the sense that it dominates your life, you don't have time for anything else. When you're not teaching you're thinking about teaching and when you come home you're always too tired to do something else. I loved the buzz and stress of actual teaching, the performance, banter, interaction and when I got home I missed that buzz. Felt flat. The worst though was being tired, I always felt guilty with this. I'd put all my energies into teaching and when I got home to look after my daughter I was always half asleep. Maybe that's why I punished myself, I'm calmer now, less guilty, poorer but happier.

I have gambled whilst trying to give up all my adult life, it's been frustrating and unbearable. Yet I feel for some reason that I'm changing something in my mind, the way I think. It's a bit like being reborn. My addictive side will always love gambling and get me to indulge but I've caged it with my barriers. It can't harm me there. Whilst it can't get out I can strengthen my mind and force myself to seek new interests in life. If there was one chink in my armour then I know it would niggle and grow inside me before it took control.

I could joke with you Jon but I want you to fight and be determined. If you don't grit your teeth and see that damned roulette wheel as an object of misery then it'll sweet talk you around some time in the future when you've forgiven it. Don't blame yourself as I said earlier it could've happened to any of us. A d**n fixed piece of software has just robbed you of your time, emotions and money. If someone slugs you, you get up and fight back, don't laugh it off otherwise it'll keep on giving you a slap. You deserve better than that.

Sorry if I've spoken out of turn Jon, but I like you and I hate it when the bookies win, it makes me incensed.

Anyway I better go, I can't think of a witty riposte right now about rotund Nigerian fraudsters because I'm too busy throwing pots and pans around the house and kicking my teddies. It'll pass, everything does. Determination is the foundation, good luck, take care always. Steve

gutted mate, im sorry you have had a setback, im even more sorry to see you not on here the last few days, ive also had a lapse, im starting a new diary tomorrow and i expect you to join me, really hope to hear from you soon mate

dw

Hi Jon,

Need any more jokes ? Or anything else to distract you. Come and post soon, i know your taking a little time out to re-group so i wont hassle you just yet like you did on DW diary..... lol

Take care

Blondie day 56 x

Hope all is well with you Jon and you've picked yourself up, onwards and upwards. Steve

Cheers Jon, I'll leave you be for the time being till its all out your system. Just want to say I'm 'made up' (scouse) that you're still on here turning things around, take care, Steve.

HI Jon,

Thanks for the post jon and the thoughts on sunday its very kind .

Im glad to see your ok and hope you come back soon. I know you dont need me to tell you how to suck eggs and im not an expert but when people slip away from there diarys they slip away..... Its for good and bad pour it out, get it out there being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.

Take care jon. I will be posting daily lol

Blondie.. day 57 x

HI Jon,

I said hi on chat tonight, dont know if you missed it ?

I like this poem

Fellow gambler, take my hand, I'm your friend. I understand.

I've know your guilt, your shame, remorse.

I've borne the burden of your cross. I've found a friend who offered ease. He suffered, too, with this disease.

Although he had no magic cure, He showed me how we could endure. We walked together side by side; We spoke of things we had to hide. We told of sleepless nights and debts, of broken home and lies and threats.

And so my weary gambler friend, Please take this hand that I extend. Take one more chance at something new.....Another gambler helping you!!!!

Take care jon.

Blondie x

HI Jon,

How are you , i stumbled upon your thread that you set up in overcoming gambling problems, very supportive and admirable my friend, i was going to post your name but thought better of it.

I know you dont like doggies so i may bore you to death about mine on the next few posts lol.

Come back soon jon, we are all here.

Blondie x