My diary

Welcome to the forum Saca,

Don't be too hard on yourself, it is the addiction that makes you not sleep, depressed, skint etc. You have come to the right place. It is not easy as first but it does get better.

Put as many blocks in place as you can, and fill the time you would have spent gambling by doing the things you enjoy. Some form of fitness seems to be a great help for a lot of people,

Take care

James

i'm not sure about the why Saca

but it is hard for me as well

I have to get as much help as i can counselling support groups gamblers anonymous anything that helps

tried any of this?

tri

I work in a casino, what set me off, seeing all those punters winning big, don't see their loses though. Need to concentrate on that aspect, feel sorry for them, night after night, no different from me really finish work straight on my laptop, gambling, going to bed feeling awful, getting up the next day, promising myself never again. Now I am at the stage it never will happen again.

Day 2 feeling really positive still, actually went to bed early last night, got up early this morning, nice not having gambled last night, off work for a week, so going out this afternoon with my partner, so gonna have another nice day, hope I can keep this feeling, other half suggested getting a new laptop, but don't want one, not for a long time anyway.

day 3, got up early again, as going to bed early feels nice not rolling out of bed at 2 and 3 in the afternoon, also feels good not feeling cr** about losing. positive this morning, did not think this would help, but it does. I am gonna do it, god sounds like a drug addict, suppose it is. funny thing last night I dreamt about slots,

Got up early again today, feel so much better 4 days, you know I would have gambled at least a couple times whilst off work, done so much starting to feel better, I know it's not been long, but it's a start. Feel bored in the evenings, but nothing I can't cope with, got whole family comming for dinner tomorrow so they will be ten of us, looking forward to that, so it will be an early night tonight, so obviously keeps my mind occupied, not done that in ages either makes you realise gambling stops you doing the things you love, well hope I feel the same next week when I am back at work, dreading it really. Being back in the casino, but hope I will cope, just going to ignore the slots.

Day 5 still not give in, but want to, just going bed early every night. Up early every morning, missing my laptop, but then again maybe not, I have a lot to do today, family coming for Sunday dinner, looking forward to that. Umm still positive, liking getting up feeling great, not tired anymore, but then again after sitting for hours in front of a laptop spinning reels, not surprised I felt awful. Energy levels rising, spark returning, hope this feeling stays with me

Got to 9 pm and feel like playing, family day was great, had a good laugh, just getting that urge again, been paid, got a good bonus from work. Feeling weak, won't cave but temptation is looming. Feeling empty need some excitement, da dee da dee da early night I think, getting hair cut tomorrow, so don't want look in the mirror and see a failure looking back at me. That's done it, I don't want to see a weak, pathetic loser staring back at me. I will not give in, I feel I will win but that's not the way it goes, we all know that you lose. So no I will not give in, hope this gets easier, a pang is a pang is apang. Goodnight. When I read this tomorrow, I don't want to be writing I gave in I lost 500 quid. And be back at square one prattling I know but the more I write the urge is fading. Goodnight to myself and keep yourself clean.

So glad I stuck to it, ohh was close for me last night, but stuck to my promise to myself, feel so so very glad I did not give in, so day 6 hair cut to day, then going for a meal tonight, one more day and it's a whole week, not had a gamble free week for a couple of years.

Hi saca

A big well done to you for not giving in last night, and you are now on day 6.

Enjoy your meal out and keep winning by not playing.

Best wishes

Suzanne xx

Hi Suzanne, thanks for your encouragement, nearly caved last night, so very glad I didnt, just did not want to undo all I have done, I know 6 days doesn't sound long, but for me it's a milestone, I keep reading others diaries and I realise I am not alone feeling as I do. Back at work in a couple of days, so getting my hair cut today, then having a walk round the shops with my partner, then a meal tonight, hardly spent anything this week, that feels great, just want to look at my bank statement and not see money going out to online casinos. So thanks again Suzanne a few lines of encouragement helps a great deal xx

Hey saca

Don't underestimate yourself 6 days is a big milestone and something you should be very proud of.

Every day we starve this addiction is a big achievement.

Suzanne xx

Thanks again Suzanne, my names Lisa by the way, saca is always my username on online casinos, don't know why I used that one, hope your journey is a good one, and you stay strong, as you say we need to starve this awful addiction, and that is what we all need to do, as I said back at work in a couple of days, I work in a casino, so that will be my test, you know I once won over 2 grand and lost the lot, you know the drill reverse withdrawl, and it only cost 50 quid, you know how you rationalise it in your head, oh only 50 quid we had a good play, then at work I am at the cash desk and some bloke is cashing out a slots ticket for just short of 2 grand, he wanted to be paid in 20 pound notes, and the cashier is counting it out on the counter, I looked and it was a lot a cash, thats the problem with online slots we don't see it as actual money, just credits, if we had the cash in our hands it would click in our heads it a lot of money. Xx so again thanks, get other half up now got to get ready, and have a good day yourself Suzanne stay strong xx

Had a good day today, meal was nice. You know funny thing is this after noon when the washing machine stopped and I pegged it out straight away normally in there for a day before I sort it out, little thing, but ibalways used be on top of house work but lately everything mounts up , but everything is done. Mind clear of losing so not fretting about money, nice feeling. Day 7 tomorrow can't wait 1 whole week. Thanks to all you guys for your support over the last six days, has helped so much. Thankyouxx regards and all stay free of gambling. Lisa b