My diary

Luke

Fella welcome to the forum, a place full of like minded folk who share the same goal, to arrest that all important next punt, to put an end to the self created misery that is the compulsion to gamble.

The worst thing that happened to me throughout my own gambling life is the terrible damage that I bestowed upon the most important folk in my life, my wife and kids suffered financially and most importantly emotionally.

My advice is gift those folk recovery too

In my mind they deserve the rewards of recovery more than I do.

They are the innocent victims of this all consuming addiction.

I hope that the GA room has the same profound effect upon your life as it has my own.

As you have probably been told give recovery 90 days, you will see in those days that you will be given the opportunity to make change, change that will have a profoundly positive effect not only upon yourself but those who mean something to you.

The advice I was gifted on my first days recovery still works today

There is a triangle

time-money-location

Take one away and the possibility of staking that all important next punt becomes impossible.

You gift the rational side of the brain time to think, time to make a difference.

Give all the effort and more that you did to your gambling to your recovery, the result is we win without waging a single penny.

Recovery doesn't provide a cure,it will be hard at times to face up to the terrible things addiction has driven you to do, from it take what is on offer

Life.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Well this is my second post and 5 days since I last gambled.

I would like to thank dunce for his kind comments and support .

I have been to work today, it was a struggle but an import thing for me to do. It has given structure to the day, is a source of income and ultimately a career which will help me get back on track.

I am still struggling to come to terms with the devastation I have caused to my girlfriend, her and my family and friends. I do not think I will ever forgive myself for that nor get over that. I have gambled for many years on and off but never let it hurt so many people and not to this extent.

i am determined to stop and will use every negative feeling I experience and the hurt I have caused others as my inspiration and incentive to stop.

Well that is about as much as I can cope with tonight, I am sure that as days go on my posts will become a little clearer

Hi Luke,

I think you have coped very well and you have now reached 5 days clear.

Coming to terms with the devastation will be part of the recovery progress, you will have really good positive days, but you will come across down days, don't worry too much about everything just take one day at a time with everything, and as each day goes by stuff gets easier to deal with. Just concentrate on your new journey of recovery, one day at a time.

Best wishes

Suzanne xx

Small steps forward is the way to move forward,

Thank you for your kind comments, I have woken this morning with the upmost determination to stop.

I know that today I will not gamble.

I have to go back to my house and pack up some things, I also need to talk things through with my ex partner, this I am dreading today but know that it is something I need to do.

I had a missed call from a coucilling service yesterday, so I will call them and make arrangements to be seen.

I will post again tonight

Thank you all again for your supportive messages. Today is day 6 , it has been another difficult day. I met with my ex girlfriend to talk things over and to collect some clothes. To have to refer to her as "ex girlfriend" kills me, and is an insentive to beat this and never hurt anyone like I hurt her.

Going forwards from here I have a detailed plan of how I will get back on track and beat this, all I have to do is stick to it!

Today I also told a close friend of my problem, I was amazed at his support and empathy combined with his lack of judgement. For his promise of support through this I am so happy.

I plan to join a local gym, start to play rugby, football and squash again, this will help fill my spare time and keep my mind occupied on positive things.

I have a long journey ahead of me, I have been here before but never with such determination.

Hi Luke I am new on here too and like you I have gambled more money than I ever have done in the past. But it is just myself I have hurt as on my own, however saying that I still feel very guilty as I could have done so many fun things with my family and grandchildren yet I selfishly chose to blow it all on a few days of "supposed pleasure". I too have put K9 on all my devices and it does help with breaking the ritual of turning on the laptop etc and going straight to the gambling sites. I hope eventually you sort things out in your personal life, never say never! we all have a long and ongoing journey and its fantastic you have a close friend to support you to perhaps nudge you if you find yourself floundering. I am already feeling the benefits of not gambling, like spending more time with my family and grandchildren and not making excuses not to see them because I have to get back to my bingo, slots online or checking my prebuys. I have drawn out all my cash except for bill money so that has helped immensely and instead of dwelling on what might have been with my savings, am actually looking forward to seeing those grow again now I am not gambling so there is always light at the end of the tunnel as if we continue not to gamble everything will improve eventually. Wish I could wave a magic wand for you but this is reality and only time and our resolve which you have lots of, will see us through. good luck and well done

Well it is the 09/05/2015.... My birthday. I have to say I wasn't expecting to be celebrating my birthday in the manner that I am but I am feeling blessed with the support from close family and friends. 29 today and really I have my a good proportion of my life ahead of me and I refuse to let this hamper my personal and professional development any more.

Today is day 8 for me, I know I have a long way to go but already starting to feel slightly more positive on my overall outlook. Today I have been to the local supermarket and bought food in for the week, I have also joined a local gym.

I went to my first GA meeting last night, I was initially very apprehensive, and after the week I have had it was the last thing that I wanted to do. I knew I needed to go and deep down I did want to go, and I am so glad that I did.

I met a great group of people with similar difficulties all at different stages of their recovery, I shared my experience and absorbed their wealth of advice and information.

I am looking forward to my next meeting, I have come to realise that this is a priority for me.

As for today I am seeing family, going to the cinema and having a Chinese. Gym and diet can start tomorrow!

I miss my ex girlfriend dearly, despite the positive outlook I have gained, today has been very difficult without her. I know it is for the best and we are on good terms considering what has happened.

That is all for today!

Well today makes it day 10, it hasn't been hard to stay away from gambling. I think the reason for this is the pure desperation that I have to stop and the recent huge financial and emotional losses that I have encountered recently.

The thought or idea of it hasn't even popped into my head. I know from experience that this Is often the case and with time, accumulation of money and complacency the urges to gamble may creap in. If and when they do I will have a means to manage them, I am reducing risk by minimising the amount of available cash I have, going to GA meetings and counselling, and posting regularly on this site. I have a number of close friends and family who have kindly said that I can call them for a chat if I ever get the urge to gamble.

So what now.... My plans are to slowly try and get my life back on track, I am going to work hard to pay off any debts that I may have, look to build a supportive network of friends around me, keep busy and active to avoid urges.

Today I will be cleaning my car, going to the gym and doing some life admin!

Another day... Another entry. Not much to report really, went to work, chilled this evening, no urges.

Day off tomorrow, have a number of jobs to do to keep busy, gym and maybe football.

Finances are secure so don't feel at any risk of a bet and don't want to gamble anyways!

Will update tomorrow

Well today is day 12, from a gambling point of view things are going well, I haven't had a bet, nor have I had any urges to bet.

I have been trying to exercise and get active and busy.... Well last night I was playing football and I have ruptured my Achilles' tendon! Really....right now, could this have come at a better time .... Yes.

So I am off work and awaiting surgery, I have told work I will be off for a minimum of two weeks.... Probably longer. This is a bit of a killer as I am zero hours contract and won't get any sick pay.

Despite that I remain positive, I have my next GA Meeting on Friday.

I feel like I need something to fill my days .... So I will look into a project to do, watch some films and box sets and do some reading.

They say bad things come in threes.... Gambling relapse, break up with the Mrs and now this! Surely that is it now!

Will keep posting on here

Ouch Luke what a bummer, Hope you are not in too much pain.

12 days of winning proves you can do this, Not an ideal time to be laid up, but hey your strength is shining through, well done,

Keep strong and keep posting

Take care

Suzanne xxx

Well I have to say I am really struggling today, not with gambling but with mood in general.

After what has happened I am just struggling to find positives. I guess it doesn't help being stuck on the sofa with this injury. The days are long and boring and filled with concern about the ongoing timely recover, loss of work and critical earnings.

Despite all of this I guess that a positive is that I still do not wish to gamble, I am looking forward to my GA meeting tomorrow.

It's just a stressful worrying time

14 days today, that feels good to say!

Positives from today include getting up out of bed, having a shower ( which isn't easy wearing a cast), doing some reading, making a lamb rogan josh for tea and of course not gambling.

I have a GA meeting tonight which I am looking forward to, it's my second meeting and I am excited to attend and say that it is two weeks since my last bet.

I had a chat with the ex today which was good, we seem to be on good terms and she has been supportive of everything that is going on. We both have a long way to go and lots of things to sort out.

Today I am feeling positive, I have a lot going on, a long recovery both in terms of gambling and my ankle, I have a duty to my friends and family to get better and I will.

Today marks 16 days.

I had a good day yesterday with family. Feeling a little low today. I guess that with the weekend coming to an end and friends and family going back to work... The impending long week alone at home is weighing on my mind.

I went to my second GA meeting on Friday, it went well, it's it good to meet with like minded people and share the weight that has been carried on the shoulders for so long .

I need to try and fill my days with something productive, I have also considered options of work at home ideas, however have hit a brick wall with that one.

Meet the specialist tomorrow so I will have a better idea about treatment plan and likely return to work for my ankle injury fingers crossed it is good news . I guess positives to take are that I have supportive friends and family, I have a job to return to when I can, I am on the right track in terms of recovery!