Well - I've finally got myself to the point where I can admit that I have a gambling problem. I've known for a while - been gambling 2 years and been caught by my wife three times in that time - the first after I spiralled quickly in the first couple months, then again after about 10 months, when debts had ammounted to £17k, and then a few days ago, by which time my debts had ammounted to £36k.
For a while I stopped - life was good - I had an amazing job and kept myself busy by putting all my time into the job. However then when that job was coming to an end I slipped badly, and quickly.
I only got caught because I dipped into our joint savings. Luckily, I didn't lose those. But my wife saw, and at the moment we're separated. If I don't pull myself together, I'll lose her forever.
At the moment, I'm under control - but I know that I'll risk self-destructing. I currently have a bet on - it's at 1/100 odds and takes place tomorrow. I couldn't help but place a bet today - I shook as I did it but somehow I'm calmer now. I can focus - I can get on with work and looking at this site because I know that I won't place another bet now until tomorrow. It's a dangerous game and not one I'm proud of, but it makes it easier to cope.
I set up an excel spreadsheet with predictions for the year if I win 4% per day. I've tried this method several times and failed it each time. I've deleted the file (this would be the 3rd, if not 4th I've created and deleted), but then I just get on a calculator and work it out: 10% per day per week means double in 7 days. It's a torture.
Before today, I had been able to avoid gambling for 4 days. I'd gotten myself blocked, but I've done this before and it's so easy to set up another account, it's almost pointless. Reading on here I've seen that there's Gamblock, which I'm going to look into and get. Even though it's expensive, it's worth it if it stops all access.
I admitted to my family that I have a gambling problem. It was the most painful experience of my life. I was hiding my face in shame, unable to accept their support and love. It was hard - incredibly hard, but having now gone through it I'm much better for it. Even though I placed a bet today, I'm not in the same horrible place I was before. But I need to stop completely before I hemmorage (spelling apologies) what I have left.
Reading the diaries has been so helpful. I don't want to bet any more. Once this pending bet wins/loses, I'll close the account and get gamblock installed. Then maybe I can stop having the urge, because I won't be able to at all any longer.
Good luck to anyone reading this as well!
Good luck my friend, it can be Beaton stay strong
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