My diary - a day at a time

This is my first 24 hours gamble free also, this time I am going to make sure it's permanent.

You can do it too.

Well done both on taking the first step. I myself was trapped in the world of online slots and other forms of slots for years.

Wanting to give up, self excluding but then drifting back into old habits.

Since finding gamcare that has changed. I'm 4 months gamble free today. It's not been easy and I've had to committ much more than I have in the past but that is why it is working. If you can dedicate a fraction of the time you found to gamble everyday then you'll have a great chance of staying gamble free if you want it!

Get the barriers in place, (no access to cards/keep busy/k9 software) immerse yourself in the forum and think about applying for counselling if not already. You can do counselling online with webcam access - it's great and has made a big difference to my recovery.

Good luck to both of you.

Thanks tommy and ay5566. It is great to know I am not alone.

Well day 2 is done, hopefully the need will decrease as I go on. I can't believe how much of my time is spent thinking about gambling so am looking at hobbies that can fill my time and even thinking about learning to swim!

Hi anon,

I hope this forum can be a place to help you to discuss your thoughts and feelings, one of the great things about not gambling for me is all of the other things that come into focus and the further activities you can enjoy with the time it frees up. I am coming off a relapse, but for me not gambling brings a wealth of things that I enjoy.

Keep moving forward, get those blocks in place, and I hope you enjoy the weekend!

Ryan

Thanks Ryan.

Sunday is here and marks day 3 gamble free. My weekend went well, have self excluded all but one account which is on a temporary cool down which opens in a few weeks, the plan is to properly self exclude when it reopens. I think that will be a massive temptation so am dreading that day to be honest, hopefully I will have the will to shut it down when i am able to log into it but I will post either way when that day comes. I keep reading other members' journeys and hope to keep on track.

Only my sister knows exactly how bad I have been lately and i have also asked her to change her password as I sometimes use her account once i had gambled up to my limit on my own accounts.

Have spent my time looking after my family and watching the Olympics and have been inspired to get fit as a way to help occupy my time.

Good luck everyone

Chris

4 days gamble free and have been feeling particularly low today. Just thinking about how much money I have wasted over the years and what I would have now if I hadnt have gambled, especially to the extent of emptying my account each month. Now I owe money, have poor credit so cant get a normal loan and am living above my means. I haven't told my hubby the extent of my debt and dont know if I will yet.

Sorry for the rant, I suppose being skint a week before payday was normal for me but I always had the rediculous notion of being able to win something and now the reality has properly hit me.

Anyway, enough moaning! 4 days free!

Chris

Feeling a bit better today, still need to work out how to clear my debt quickly and have been spending time working out budgets. I have been lurking reading other diaries and threads to help stay focused.

I often think 'if I could only win x amount then I would be sorted' but deep down I know that wont happen. Still think about slots as I used to do it on my phone and I have to work on my triggers. The silly thing is I could for example, join my mum for an evening at bingo and not be silly but its when I get home that the temptation lies. Its stupid i can control myself there as I use if for the social aspect but slots are my downfall.

Anyway, had a more positive day today (day 5) and find logging in and rambling/posting helps.

Thanks for reading

Chris

Just a quick post to say day 8 is going well. Am feeling positive and spending actual time with my family instead of being glued to my phone playing slots.

Well done everyone

Well I am ashamed and cant believe I cracked on day 10. Had a text reminding me of an account which I had forgotten about and logged in. The silly thing is I actually won and when the money clears I will be debt free but I know that is rubbish for my so called recovery.

Looking on the bright side being in debt is one of my big triggers so hopefully I can start again.

Day 2 and counting...

So hard to quit gambling on a loss and even harder to quit gambling on a win! I sincerely hope you do the right thing and put the money towards clearing your debts....will be so difficult but i hope u have the strength.

Goodluck

So...this win will clear your debts and get you back on track will it love ?
Whilst it's in the " clearing process " may I politely suggest you spend that time reading diaries on here saying time and time again how others said the same.....only to cancel withdrawal or deposit again as soon as it hits bank account....
If you can get the money to your bank account....and then clear all your debts then that's great....one less thing to worry about....but...with respect you still have the problem gambling to address....if your serious about trying to deal with your addiction....give all details of the online account to your sister so she can change passwords etc to stop you cancelling withdrawal...or depositing if it's cleared......
I wish you well....spend the time wisely....and the money on your debts x

(Day 3)

I understand what you are both saying and take it on board. I havent reversed the withdrawal, it was quite a sum and i need the money to pay my debts. Once this has been done it will be the first time i will have been debt free for something like 19 years.

I have one more account (which is on cool down) to close.

I think I will try writing in a paper diary and once i have hit a milestone make a post here. As you suggest Loxxie I will go back to lurking and reading other diaries.

Thanks for your help and advice.

Hi anon . Without trying to sound harsh or sceptical , do you think it wise to walk away from support and truthfull comments on your diary page here and instead choose a paper diary that only you have accsess to , especially as in one wave of the magic wand all your debts are going to cleared and in a gamblers mind we all know where that could lead ?.

I'm not trying to have a dig but I know if I'd have had my debt removed within 3 days of stopping it would have wiped the slate clean and I'd have been at it quicker than that ,or maybe that's just me and your made of sterner stuff ?.

I trully wish you well in whatever you choose to do though .

Alan

Hi Alan and all,

I am certainly not made of sterner stuff but dont know how best to log this. I feel such a failure and other diaries are much more successful so i thought better to post when I hit a milestone so not to annoy or upset people. I dont know, I will sleep on it and have a think.

Because I have always been in some sort of debt in my adult life (not all through gambling) I was actually relieved more than anything but I realise now I was very insensitive posting about that and I apologise for that.

Thanks guys for your comments/advice.

Chris