My diary, my new life, my fightback

Posted by: Stephen Sensible

Just popped by to thank you for posting on my diary. I appreciate your advice, 

I do believe we need to make changes to our lifestyle when we stop gambling but how we do that is different for everyone. 

Take good care of yourself and enjoy the week ahead. 

Thanks pal, we all do things different but ultimately we want a GF lifestyle, it’s bloody hard.

change I agree is a must, also determition.

Day 85, today I have an interview for promotion, not sure I’m up to it, I like stability especially now but in life you have to go for certain things.

im cool if I don’t get it, I have a job I love anyway.

no chance of gambling today 

Thanks Dave.

day 86, no dramas, very busy at work so not a chance of gambling .

things are steady 

Day 87 comes and goes, still waiting to hear about the job.

Fingers crossed ? 

Day 88

Read a diary with folk who have gambled again.timely reminders that it can come out the blue and wreck you .

I never want to gamble ever again

Day 88 done.had thoughts about gambling today set off by thinking about bills.no idea why but I wont lie, I was very close today to wandering into a betting shop.

Thankfully I didn't as that would kill me.Just need to settle down tonight. 

This wont get me .its trying though 

Hi holycrosser,

Well done; it sounds like you've had a tough day today but you have kept on track and have achieved another GF day. 

If you do need any further support this evening the netline and helpline are both available until midnight.

Wishing you all the very best,

Forum Admin

Thanks Dave and admin for your support, today I was fine.

At times we are on the very edge of losing it, its the addiction, the anxiety of debt etc, it’s the only trigger for me , I’m ok, I’ve gone past it.

This will always be a battle, never forget that.

As day 90 approaches it’s time to reflect on what I’m feeling right now.

honest 100%

i feel I’m not “cured” , I guess I never ever will be, I’m on the edge every day,yes I’m coping, I’m not gambling, but it’s always “there” ...I’m being honest.

i can’t gamble, I want to, I want that buzz, I wanna win...

i don’t know if I will ever beat this, probably not but life tells me I can’t ever gamble again.

ive got debts, I want to win back everything I spend still, I want to gamble to win back that money, I’ve no idea why I feel like this.Life is tough , dunno what I’m saying but please don’t ever ever think you have beaten this cos this is a life long commitment.

its hard 

Hi HC .

I think you hit the nail on the head in one of your earlier post's saying " Gambling's been such a big part of my life " . 

It truly has and just like mine it's something I'd done for more years than I care to remember , that said it stand's to reason that it's not going to leave your mind and more importantly leave you alone after a few month's ? .

I remember my early day's thinking about it and why I couldn't just put it all behind me and move on with my life ? , looking back now I realise they were just like any other memories of my life in that they'll always be there with the good positive one's still being clear in my mind but the bad one's a little more faded each day until there pushed out of harms way right at the back of my noggin . 

90 days is great my friend , just stick with the plan you had when you came here and it will improve and those urges will lose their grip until your able to brush them away as fast as they came .

I make no secret of the fact that even after  almost 4 yrs I still have the odd fleeting moment of " What If " but in all honesty there nothing nowadays and nothing that gives me the urge to gamble again but like you said " Were never cured   " true but living with it under control becomes far easier :)) . 

All the best HC . 

Posting this at just gone midnight but moderation mean's you probably won't get until Saturday night ? :))  

Just popped in to say huge congratulations on keeping strong, you must try and forget the money, can never be won back and even if you did the gambling frenzy would not allow you to use it for the debt and it would be lost again and you mental state left in tatters.

I know from experience, felt the same, drove me back to this site, as I won enough to clear debts but couldn't walk away when it had gripped me again, and lost a large amount, that felt worse than anything.

Stay strong, keep on the right path, staying gamble free will clear your mind and the debts will go eventually in the right way.

You are an inspiration to us all..stay strong 

Day 90 begins .

Thanks for those kind words Hullbo, just had to be honest with folk who think this is easy , it’s always there waiting to grab me when I’m vulnerable.

today my partner is on the second of 3 days away, I’m alone with the dog, plan to go out tonight with friends but the weather is rubbish, no plans to watch sport .

important week in my life coming up, that tax bill will land any day so I will have to sort that out and news on the job should come too.must stay gambling free 3 weeks today I get married.

Nice words David. Thank you 

Hi Holycrosser, 

I really like reading your posts and congratulations - you are doing so well 🙂 

Keep it up and all the very best for the wedding, the job and paying off that tax bill - I too have one arriving soon. 

You are an inspiration to us all. 

Take care and I hope the night in with the dog isn't too boring!

Julia