Hi everyone,
I'm new to the forum. I'm a CG and my last gamble was Wednesday 13th February 2019.
A brief bit of history. I started to gamble at the age of 18 going into bookmakers with friends. It didn't take long for me to get hooked and before I knew it I was spending money that I couldn't afford. I have gambled on and off since then, and I've never attempted to get the help I clearly need. Over the last few months things have started to spiral out of control again. I was gambling online and eventually signed up with Gamstop which has since proven positive. That said I did try to gamble online after registering. After checks were made my account was closed. I'm sure others that have joined Gamstop have been in a similar situation!
This didn't stop me from gambling. I visited local bookmakers on my lunch breaks and after work, where I would take an amount of cash with me and gamble. If I lost sometimes I would return to the cash point. Because of my actions I found myself in debt (I have a credit card up to 4k and a £500 overdraft). I borrowed money from my parents to help with the debt, but as you can probably guess this just helped towards my addiction. Shameful.
At the moment I am currently going through a divorce and attending court to formalise what happens with my only son who is 7 years old. The costs for this are extortionate. I live with my partner who has helped out financially, but hasn't known about my addiction. I recently hit rock bottom, having £0 to my name and I had no way out. I told my parents and I told my partner, I also told a couple of close friends. Although I feel so much regret and shame for what I have done, so much weight has been lifted and the constant anxiety and stress has started to lessen.
Although very angry, betrayed and hurt, my parents and partner have stuck by my side and are supporting me. I will be attending weekly GA meetings and I have called options to discuss face to face counselling. I have physically been to the local bookmakers and self excluded myself. I have also called the multi operator to ensure I am excluded from all other bookmakers in the area (some I didn't even know existed).
I want this so much, and I know I can do it. I know I can become the person I want to be, the person I am supposed to be. The worst thing for me is the lies I told my partner/parents. Yes they are sticking by my side, but they are hurting a lot and it's all my fault. I want to make it up to them by proving I can kick this, but I don't feel like it's enough. Trust has been lost. I am afraid that my partner will leave me eventually. She is so kind, caring, loving, supportive (the list goes on). What else can I do to build that trust again?
Thanks for listening. Any responses appreciated.
Yo, welcome . Firstly well done on everything you have done to far , you have taken a lot of of positive steps in a short space of time to fight back . Takes a lot of courage to come clean to your partner and family , but well worth it as it took some of the pressure off you. As to rebuilding trust , it will take time, if you carry through with the actions you have planned , and obviously not gamble and be honest I think your family and partner will see how committed you are . I hope your first meeting goes well, try to post here regularly their are good people on this site who will walk beside you . Take care , try not to beat yourself up too much, ...... Shiny 🙂
Hey, thanks for your response.
I do agree and I think if I could reach out to anyone on here looking for help my top advice would be to talk to people. I think we keep it a secret whilst being an active gambler not just because we know it's a shameful act, but because we are too afraid to own up as it will hurt the ones we love... and we do love them. In reality you end up making it worse by prolonging it.
I will never be able to understand why I continued to gamble and lie given the end result. I never meant to hurt anybody, and I'm sure everyone else on this site sees it the same way.
I'm going to do everything in my power to make this right. Thanks for your advice 🙂
Hi Dave,
Welcome to the forum and congratulations on taking the brave first steps towards a better life.
You have taken the correct steps in the past few days. My advice is to read as many diaries as possible and to post as often as you can.
From my own experience, what you are going through mentally at this time is the toughest part but as the days build and you begin to recover things get easier.
With time, your parents/partner will see your hard work and witness the improvement in you as a person and they will be proud of you.
Take everything one day at a time. Try not to worry too much about the future, debt, life without gambling etc. Just do your best today. As you continue to do this the future that you want for yourself will begin to take shape and it will be fabulous.
Take care.
Tomso
Hi Tomso,
Thanks for taking the time to respond. I had a read through your diary, well done for coming so far! Really appreciate the advice. As you say one day at a time 🙂
Thanks, Dave.
How do I write in a forum pls
Hi LeeDonnelley,
If you would like to start a new topic please select the Forum section you want to start this new topic in and on the top left of the Forum page click the blue 'New Topic' button.
Wishing you all the best,
Eva
Forum Admin
Hi all,
12 days gambling free today. Feeling really good. The weight that has been lifted from being honest and 'lie-free' is such an immense feeling and I intend on fully committing to this. There is nothing good that can come from gambling.
I also wanted to mention that I attended my first GA meeting last night. It was quite an experience to tell my story in front of a group of 35 people who are all in the same boat. I will definitely be going back next Sunday. It was also good to hear others stories and learn from them.
Still waiting to hear from options about face to face counselling.
All the best to everyone battling this.
Hi all,
16 days GF today. Feeling really positive and can't say I've been getting any urges to gamble. I feel like the urges to gamble have been masked by the positive feelings of being honest and starting to understand how much better life if when you aren't worrying about how much money you have available to gamble with. Also how much more free time you have when gambling isn't part of your life!
My week at work has been more productive, probably as I have more energy and my concentration levels are higher. I'm going to be attending my next GA meeting on Sunday.
All the best,
Dave.
Well done Dave. Very similar to my story in how we started at 18 and have made unsuccessful attempts to kick the habit. Good luck and long may it continue!
Thanks R99C. 20 days gambling free today!
Attended my 2nd meeting at GA on Sunday night. It was good to see other newcomers and hear their stories. I also got to hear stories from a couple of people who have been coming for years which was quite emotional!
I'm feeling strong and positive and there truly is no better feeling than being gambling free. I know I have a long way to go, but I'm already feeling the benefits. Financials sort themselves out, but more importantly I'm concentrating more at work, paying more attention to loved ones around me, there's no more lies and I FEEL FREE.
All the best everyone,
Dave.
23 days GF today! Feeling really happy and positive. I've started to notice that I'm looking a lot healthier which is good. Goes to show how much the stress and negativity can get to your health.
All the best everyone and have a good weekend x
Feeling good today. 27 days GF!
Hi all. 29 days GF today! Almost a month 🙂
Still waiting to hear from Options re counselling, and I'll be attending my 4th GA session on Sunday. Overall still feeling really positive!
Hi everyone. 33 days GF today!
Went to my 4th consecutive GA meeting yesterday. Although it was business as usual, someone had their say before the break and said some personal things a lot of people didn't like. This led to around 6/7 people leaving at half time. Gave me a different feel for what these meetings can be like.
Still not heard from options re counselling. Will be chasing them up this week.
I woke up from a nasty dream last night. It seemed so vivid and life-like! I was in the bookies I used to visit on a regular basis and was throwing the remainder of my funds into a roulette machine. The amount I threw away was the same as what I actually have left this month from GF savings! When I woke up I was soooooo greatful it was just a dream. In the dream all I could think about was how much I have let down my family again and the way it made me feel was sole destroying.
I guess it never leaves us. Anyway have a good week everyone, one day at a time.
Dave.
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