My FINAL mistake

Hi hays it's good you've come here and reached out for some help. It's incredibly difficult to do this alone. So my advice would be to call gamcare, go to GA and ultimately confess to your partner. In my experience you can't do it alone. I am wife of cg and the deceit is what you find the most difficult to fathom. I can't give you a definitive answer as to what will happen but your partner knew you gambled and asked you to promise something without probably realising how difficult it is. I think it also makes you more secretive. get rid of your online access, download blocks and hand over control of the finances. You have to show your partner you mean it and also ask for support. If you really want to stop you have to close all the doors. Don't be halfhearted, commit to doing what is necessary to stop. This is a tough addiction to beat. Read around the diaries and you will see. Honesty is the way forward, be honest with yourself. Good luck!

Hays
Welcome to the forum, I hope it helps you as much as it has me.
Addiction doesn't do ultimatums it will happily lay dormant and as soon as it gets the opportunity to present itself to you it does.
My advice is be honest, 100% honest with everyone,seek help, there is a wealth of it. This forum offers free counselling, find a GA room, speak honestly to your wife, see a gp.
Are you ready to commit 100% to abstinence because it has to be your total commitment.
Practically the thing that works
There is a triangle
TIME-MONEY-LOCATION
Take at least one away at all times and the next punt becomes impossible giving you the time to understand why you gamble, for me it was to escape myself, a coping mechanism as such.
Today I understand my mind better but it took a horrific chain of events for me to truly seek the help I needed.
Don't punish yourself any longer.
I will leave you with this
How do you make a compulsive gambler a millionaire???
Start him as a billionaire!!!!!
We all live by the same mantra
I cannot win because I cannot stop!!
I hope you commit to a better opportunity of living without addiction ruling your mind.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thank you both for your comments and support!
Today has been a really tough day.

My wife and I have spoken. I have been 100% honest with everything, which was really hard. I've been kicked out of our room, and I'm on the spare bed for a few nights, which I completely understand why. She wants me to realise how much I have hurt her through the lies I have told and the promise I have broken.

I am not letting this addiction beat me and it is the final straw. I've had an online chat and I'm looking at booking some counselling. Like you said I need to remove the temptation, so going forward my wages will no longer be for myself to control. This is a big step in the right direction I feel.

I am feeling so determined that I will not let this happen again.

I will keep updating my blog in the hope that I help or inspire others, and I am super greatful for the support.

Over and out 🙂

Update:
So I am a whole week gambling free. Feels like a big achievement which is silly. One week.

I had a dream last night. A ridiculous dream at that. I won just over £3million on online slots. That just puts into prespective how i have unrealistic ideas when gambling. That the next spin im going to have a big win and all my worries will be answered.

I am feeling stronger than ever!

Things are very tense in the household after all of this coming out. We are arguing alot which I cannot stand. It makes me realise even more how stupid I have been and has made me think about what I could have lost.

One week down, just the rest of my life to go!

Its not silly to be happy about not gambling for a week. Your mind will play tricks on you, you have to remember the real cost to you if you do listen to them and from reading this board you stand to lose far more than money. Get your blocks in place. Make sure you know that they are as strong as they can be. Its time for you to take control of your addiction and be tough with it and yourself. If you leave options open and you give in you know what will happen. Don't give it a chance. Are you having counselling? (its all free). Some people don't think they are "bad enough" for counselling but the truth is the reason we are all here is because we are struggling. It can help.

On a positive note, congrats on week one.

Thank you for your support.

I havent yet bitten the bullet for counselling. I want to, i am just so embarassed to do it. I keep thinking what if I see someone I know when im there, but then I suppose that's just me making excuses.

Still gamble free! Been getting my finances in order this week which im feeling positive about 🙂

So I have decided that I am going to update this every week from now on. Or at least try my best too.

Still gamble free.

Things have taken a turn for worse at home. My wife is really struggling to come to terms with the fact that i had lied to her again and gambled. My heart is literally broken into two. I didnt realise how my selfish gambling could make her feel. She doesnt trust me at all, and I don't blame her. She really does deserve better than this.

I still haven't got around to arranging some counselling sessions. I don't really know why. Mainly because i feel to ashamed and embarassed. I need to do this though to beat this forever. Going to make the call this week.

Stay strong everyone.

Hi hays it's a real shock for partners and it takes a really long time to get over it. Everything you do day to day involves money and now she will be worrying about it. She will be thinking that you are gambling whether you are or not. She's so angry because she can't control what's happening. 'How could you?' What you need to do is take it on the chin. You need to actively seek help, as you say stop making excuses. She needs support, talking to gamcare, a gamanon meeting. Somewhere for her to offload, express her fear. You both have to learn, like we all have, that this is forever, there is no quick fix, it damages you both. She won't and shouldn't trust you, she needs to be on her guard and secure all finance. As you can see from around the site this is devastating and if you think you've beaten it you're mistaken. Encourage her to get some support, it takes 2 to argue.

Hey Hayds, I know it's difficult mate but you've shown that you're serious by telling your wife even though it's caused problems. Staying in secrecy only serves to feed the addiction so coming clean is a great first step. If you haven't already you should cede control of your finances or at the very least allow her to monitor your spending, that way you are being held accountable.

I read what you said about telling embarrassed about going to counselling in case you saw somewhere there you know. Well if you see someone there that you know it only means they're a compulsive gambler too, so what's there to be ashamed about!! I think you need to swallow your pride and do it, it'll show your wife that you're serious and also will do you some good. You need to stay on top of things as much as possible to help you overcome your addiction. Post here regularly, read others posts and always be thinking of things you can do to make the situation better. That's what I've been doing and it's been very helpful.

Hope you're good mate

Thank you both for your comments and support. It means alot.

Ive finally taken the step and arranged some counselling. I have my first initial assessment on monday, and im absolutely crapping myself.

Things are not good at home. My wife has said shes leaving me. She is really struggling to cone to terms about this.

I feel so stupid to have gambled again in the first place when everything in my life was perfect. I did mention to her aboit the support for her, but that made things worse and we argued more. I think its too raw at the moment.

My money will now be going into a bank account that i do not have the details for, nor do i have a bank card. Its for the best.

I am so determined now not to gamble. The thought of gambling makes me so angrt inside.

Its going to be a long road, and its going to be hard. Thank you for your continued support.

P.s. still gamble free!

Had my initial telephone assessment yesterday. I cried, a lot. My first face to face is next Tuesday. Super nervous about that.

Things at home are still awful. Still in seperate rooms. We are trying to be civil to each other but thats about if for now.

Not feeling very festive this year.

Still gamble free and I intend to stay gamble free forever.

Update:

Having a really tough time tonight. Things have gone from bad to worse.

My wife doesnt want to be with me anymore. She is leaving me. I literally feel like my life is over. I've managed to hurt the person closest to me. My best friend, my soul mate, my literal world.

I feel like my whole world has ended. Im drowning in emotions. I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate how i have done this to her.

And i deserve this.

Hi hays I'm so sorry that your wife is unable to support you through this. Making rash decisions is not advised but you are both young and she obviously doesn't feel she can live with it. Many partners don't seek help. Try not to let it put you off your determined recovery. You need to do this for yourself, make your life better otherwise you will live in torment. Addiction doesn't care who it hurts or destroys. Go to your counselling it will help having someone to talk to. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed. Maybe you could also go to GA, you will get support and real life advice. Stay strong.