My gambling recovery diary

Hi Lisa bee it's a great start to recognise a problem. I'm wife of cg and have seen the other side. I would encourage you to tell someone close to you. Maybe someone could help monitor or control your finances. Support is often very helpful, doing this alone will be very hard for you. Call gamcare and get some advice. Also don't underestimate the power of addiction. Put as many blocks in your way. There are apps that block gambling sites you can download to your phone. Self exclusion. If you really want to stop you will close every door and take all the help there is. Good luck!

Well done Lisa on beginning this journey with us all and I will check in with you when I can and offer my support.

Have a good day and remember you deserve a better life than the one you have had.

Wilsy

Wilsy wrote:

Well done Lisa on beginning this journey with us all and I will check in with you when I can and offer my support.

Have a good day and remember you deserve a better life than the one you have had.

Wilsy

Thank you so much for your support means a lot 🙂 x

Merry go round wrote:

Hi Lisa bee it's a great start to recognise a problem. I'm wife of cg and have seen the other side. I would encourage you to tell someone close to you. Maybe someone could help monitor or control your finances. Support is often very helpful, doing this alone will be very hard for you. Call gamcare and get some advice. Also don't underestimate the power of addiction. Put as many blocks in your way. There are apps that block gambling sites you can download to your phone. Self exclusion. If you really want to stop you will close every door and take all the help there is. Good luck!

Thank you very much for the advice. I have self excluded and withdrawn the remainder of my savings out of bank to store at home in a cash tin.

Having money in my savings doesn't seem to compute with me as money its just figures on a screen. So I thought saving some cash the old fashioned way where I can SEE and feel my money will help me (I want to save for holidays etc)

Day 1 today!

Day 1:

Today I woke up feeling like s**t.

Checked my bank and yup,most of my savings are gone.

Finished work then went straight to the cashpoint and withdrew what was left to take away with me next weekend (going on holiday which I can JUST about afford)

Bought a cash tin and have set myself a savings schedule of £100 a month. I can save money but as I have mentioned if it is in a lump sum in my bank... It doesn't seem like 'real' money to me. Money I can see and feel does seem like real money. It seems more tangible.

Has anyone else felt like this?

So savings plan set up, diary updated and all in all I can feel a small glimmer of positivity out of this madness.

I am looking forward to my holiday and turn 30 on December 8th. I really want ten days GF under my belt for it.

Thanks for reading. 🙂

Hi Lisa

Welcome and well done on taking the steps to stop the madness of online gambling.

Self exclusion is good and keeping the money in cash has a certain logic to it. I only ever gambled online and therefore no longer have unmonitored access to cards. If you gave me £1000 in cash today I would have absolutely no interest in walking into a physical casino or bookies to gamble. Giving me uncontrolled access to £1000 in an online casino account might not be quite such a good idea despite my resolve to quit gambling.

Can't really help you much with the waking up feeling like s**t. It does get better but only with time. If you can start to forgive yourself it may happen quicker but I struggled with that as forgiving myself seemed a pretty selfish thing to do for myself.

Not sure of your circumstances but having the support of a friend or member of your family will also help significantly as will getting some professional help either through counselling (available free through this site) or GA meetings. You need to work out what works for you but having someone to talk to seems pretty important to me as our thoughts relating to gambling are not rational so we need to discuss our thoughts/feelings with someone else to get that second opinion.

Good luck and keep posting.

Lisa-Bee wrote: Money I can see and feel does seem like real money. It seems more tangible. Has anyone else felt like this?

Hi Lisa-Bee

I'm glad that 'glimmer' is beginning to appear. Stick at it, it will be a big hulking fireball of happiness.

I totally agree - there's a world of difference between handling the real money rather than having it just displayed as digits in a bank account or as a casino balance . Having cash in your hand (or a tin) is quite a shocker, especially when it sinks in just how reckless it was to gamble huge chunks of it online without batting an eye.

I pulled out the remainder of my money that I had left from my bank account and kept some of the cash into a tatty envelope. I also put some into an old fashioned Building Society account that only has an 'over-the-counter' method of withdrawal. It was the best move I ever made. It means everytime I need to pay I bill, I need to take a trip to 2 banks, but that's a joy compared to the agony of losing it.

Especially because my gambling urges still come back quite regularly (daily, in fact) - but because I've got just enough money in my bank for the essential bills, there's no way I can blow everything in one go now.

I'm self employed so I don't have a regular payday or income - so all the money I had was in a single account which, now I think back, terrifies me how close I came to spending every last penny. I think I was 2 gambles away from losing everything I'd saved, but thankfully somehow bailed out on a loss.

I'm only just 2 weeks gf - but finding this place, and being able to log my thoughts in a diary has really helped me to resist the urges.I'm sure you'll find it the same - there's so much support here - and just reading other people's recovery diaries helps to hammer home the point that gambling only ever results in a loss and the only way to bring back a sense of calm into life is to quit and quit for ever.

I wish you the very best in kicking this nasty habit out of your life - and I guarantee there's going to be much more pleasure in seeing your savings grow in a tin compared to seeing it instantly swallowed by an anonymous gambling site.

Wishing you all the very best

Equinox

Muststop123 wrote:

Hi Lisa

Welcome and well done on taking the steps to stop the madness of online gambling.

Self exclusion is good and keeping the money in cash has a certain logic to it. I only ever gambled online and therefore no longer have unmonitored access to cards. If you gave me £1000 in cash today I would have absolutely no interest in walking into a physical casino or bookies to gamble. Giving me uncontrolled access to £1000 in an online casino account might not be quite such a good idea despite my resolve to quit gambling.

Can't really help you much with the waking up feeling like s**t. It does get better but only with time. If you can start to forgive yourself it may happen quicker but I struggled with that as forgiving myself seemed a pretty selfish thing to do for myself.

Not sure of your circumstances but having the support of a friend or member of your family will also help significantly as will getting some professional help either through counselling (available free through this site) or GA meetings. You need to work out what works for you but having someone to talk to seems pretty important to me as our thoughts relating to gambling are not rational so we need to discuss our thoughts/feelings with someone else to get that second opinion.

Good luck and keep posting.

Thank you so much for your kind words 🙂 I am glad my strange concept of digital money and 'real' money makes sense. I guess its just the way addicted gamblers come to view money sometimes?

In truth I don't really have anyone close that I can confide in, which is why staying active here and posting is so vital to me right now.

Wishing you all the best in your life and recovery x

Equinox wrote:

[quote=Lisa-Bee] Money I can see and feel does seem like real money. It seems more tangible. Has anyone else felt like this?

Hi Lisa-Bee

I'm glad that 'glimmer' is beginning to appear. Stick at it, it will be a big hulking fireball of happiness.

I totally agree - there's a world of difference between handling the real money rather than having it just displayed as digits in a bank account or as a casino balance . Having cash in your hand (or a tin) is quite a shocker, especially when it sinks in just how reckless it was to gamble huge chunks of it online without batting an eye.

I pulled out the remainder of my money that I had left from my bank account and kept some of the cash into a tatty envelope. I also put some into an old fashioned Building Society account that only has an 'over-the-counter' method of withdrawal. It was the best move I ever made. It means everytime I need to pay I bill, I need to take a trip to 2 banks, but that's a joy compared to the agony of losing it.

Especially because my gambling urges still come back quite regularly (daily, in fact) - but because I've got just enough money in my bank for the essential bills, there's no way I can blow everything in one go now.

I'm self employed so I don't have a regular payday or income - so all the money I had was in a single account which, now I think back, terrifies me how close I came to spending every last penny. I think I was 2 gambles away from losing everything I'd saved, but thankfully somehow bailed out on a loss.

I'm only just 2 weeks gf - but finding this place, and being able to log my thoughts in a diary has really helped me to resist the urges.I'm sure you'll find it the same - there's so much support here - and just reading other people's recovery diaries helps to hammer home the point that gambling only ever results in a loss and the only way to bring back a sense of calm into life is to quit and quit for ever.

I wish you the very best in kicking this nasty habit out of your life - and I guarantee there's going to be much more pleasure in seeing your savings grow in a tin compared to seeing it instantly swallowed by an anonymous gambling site.

Wishing you all the very best

Equinox

Thank you so much for your response. I am relieved it is not just me who has this skewered perception of money when it comes to gambling. It is something I will be looking into!

I wish you all the best and please keep me posted on your recovery x

Update:

Purchased gamban on android to block access to gambling sites for a year (I always gambled on my phone never on laptop for some reason) £10 for the entire year!

Highly recommend it to anyone else who is used to picking up their phone and logging on to gamble.

Feel more secure with it in place.

Have sat down and worked out a realistic savings budget for when gambling does not soak up all my expandable income.

So feeling fairly positive right now.

Day 1 GF is under the belt.

Well done Lisa Bee your doing so many positive things I’ve been gamblingvon and off for 20 years I’m trying to get my head around the amount of money I lost and I’m getting there.i understand what you mean by digital money and real money completely it’s quite insane isn’t it but that’s addiction insanity. So glad your here keep going! X

Lulubobs1966 wrote:

Well done Lisa Bee your doing so many positive things I’ve been gamblingvon and off for 20 years I’m trying to get my head around the amount of money I lost and I’m getting there.i understand what you mean by digital money and real money completely it’s quite insane isn’t it but that’s addiction insanity. So glad your here keep going! X

Thank you so much for your reply. I am fired up the main reason being I am nearing 30. I have been gambling for 2 years and do not want this addiction hanging over me in the future. I am quite a determind person. I have made peace with the fact I have a problem and I cannot gamble again. I sat myself down and worked out I've lost around 4k of my own money over 2 years.

In theory I am quite fortunate. I am not in debt through this addiction but I have reached the stage where I soon could be if I continued.

These forums are so useful talking to everyone here is beyond helpful.

I am sorry you have had this addiction hanging over your head for so long, but you are here and that means you know gambling is an issue for you. Keep fighting and I really wish you all the best for your recovery x

Day 2:

Had a busy day with putting up Xmas decs, day has flown by. Not thought about gambling today much at all. Seeing the little lock emoji on my phone (from gamban) is reassuring.

So i'm pleased to say day 2 is done! 🙂

Well done Lisa-Bee with day 2!

Putting up Xmas decorations sounds like pure heaven compared to slot hell.

Gamban sounds great - I've just looked at the website and they have the iOS version soon which is what I need having been suckered into the world of iPads and iPhones.

Reading through happy posts like yours - when people are not gambling - helps to show gambling for the life-drain it really is and really highlights how we're so much better off without it polluting our lives.

I remember reading a post when someone said they don't want to spend Xmas day burdened by the heavy gambler's guilt and regret - and that really resounded with me. Let this Xmas be a gamble free one with a happy heart.

Happy Christmas!

Equinox