Hi all,
I’ve signed up to Gamcare today to finally put a stop to 14 years of gambling, before it’s too late. I’ve been here a couple of times before, albeit briefly, but never hung around for long enough. But this time it’s different. It has to be different.
My journey into gambling started when I was 16. The shop where I worked as a saturday boy was shutting down and I was due some holiday pay I hadn’t taken. She handed over an envelope bursting to the seams with notes. I thought they must have made a mistake! A Saturday boy being paid over £700 in unpaid holiday?! I walked out the shop as quickly as I could, after saying thanks of course! I cycled the whole way home with a smile, thinking how I could spend my money. The first thing I settled on was putting my first football bet on.
It was a Tuesday night and Arsenal were playing Celtic in the Champions League. My gut was telling me 2-0 Arsenal and so I cycled to the bookies to put my bet on. I was always an older looking kid, so no need for the fake Id! Later that night I watched the match with way more intensity than usual. I don’t support Arsenal, but i loved how vested I was in the game. When the 90 minutes was up I celebrate Arsenal winning 2-0, and myself £240; from a £20 bet.
I wish that bet never came in. In fact, that xxx winning bet, probably cost me £240,000 over the following 14 years to present day. Of which, £100k is still outstanding through loans I’ve taken out to cover gambling losses, usually to pay back people I initially borrowed from once I’d lost mine.
I have a good job. Ironically I probably have the gambling to thank for that. I was always hungry for another promotion and knew if I put the work in and performed I’d get there. The real incentive - more money for gambling or paying back debts quicker.
Recently however I can see my performance dropping at work because of my gambling. In the last couple of years my betting has massively increased. I would have episodes of betting £1k or £2k on football games. Usually trebles, backing the odds on favourite and hoping for no upsets, but there always was. Or I’d win, then view it as more ‘ammunition’ to beat the (online) bookies.
Today I’ve probably hit rock bottom. I had been paid last week, but owed some friends some money. I’d decided I was going to gamble my salary over the weekends football matches to try and make up the shortfall. I had friends I owed money to with the promise I’d pay them back on payday, yet I wouldn’t have enough to cover all my bills. My plan was to gamble my wages on football bets so I could pay everyone back. Unfortunately it didn’t go to plan. I proceeded to lose everything over the course of the weekend. I then stressed for around a week about what I’d do to solve the money issues. By this point I had come clean to my girlfriend. But only at the last minute like usual, I’d seen her reach for my hsbc dongle out of her purse that Sunday afternoon and knew she was logging in to check my account.
I’d reached out to a friend who seemed to be doing well and asked him to borrow £5k. I told him I was wanting to invest it and that I’d pay him back when I get my bonus in March. He was able to help and so I asked him to transfer it to my second account. I knew I wanted to try my luck with a £500 bet, win it back and act like nothing had happened. I lost that bet and over the course of a few days the rest. I was betting on any game I could. Today the National Bank of Egypt conceded in the 97th minute to draw 2-2 and lose me £5500, my last bet with the money I had left. I naively celebrated in the 90th minute thinking it had won. My world came crashing down 7mins later.
I wish they could bottle that feeling of loathing and self pity. You could take a small dose every time you think about gambling in the future as a preventative measure. That would be great.
Anyway, I thought I’d share the start and the (hopefully) end of my gambling journey. There’s hundreds of bumps in between and I’m certain there will be some more ahead, but I’m hoping being active on here and showing up each day to write my thoughts down will go a long way to smoothing the journey.
Stay strong. We’ve got this ?
Congratulations for coming clean, its never too late, things will get better with time, you need to find some sort of support as the addiction is life long, their a million reasons why we end up gambling, life will always test you in so many ways, it comes to a point where money isnt an issue, put all blocks in place get rid of the money the temptations will be strong early days, i can assure u with time things do get better, and u will be tested be honest with yourself, get yourself to local Ga meeting its a life long process, i wish u well in your recovery
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