My addiction started about 15 years ago i started going to the bingo with my mum and sisters once a week. It was great to get out the house as i had 4 young children. My husband works long hours so i didnt socialise much . I used to look forward to going the bingo and i continued for about 5 years going once weekly. One week about 5 years in my mum and sisters wasnt able to go so i went alone big mistake i got chatting in the interval to an old friend who was going to spend the interval in the foyer on the slots so i went with her. Curiosly i put a few coins in a slot machine not having a clue what i was doing or how to play it . On my 3rd spin i heard these 5 little chimes and realised id won a feature still not having a clue i was led by the machine on what to do and in a few short minutes i was staring at a win of 125 .00 . I was so thrilled i quickly cashed it out and went to finish off my bingo . I was made up to tell my husband that id spent just 3.00 and won 125.00 . Week by week then id nip out with just 10.00 and try my luck an often won small amounts but id never take my purse with me id leave it with my mum. My mum made it clear that she didnt approve an warned me to be careful but hey i was winning what harm could i do !! .
This went on for a few years then one day i found myself back at the bingo alone. Id just been paid . When i got into the bingo hall i didnt even buy my books but went straight to the machines first off a fiver went in then a 10 and next i was feeding it 20.00 notes. The next 15 /20 minutes or so passed in a blur and then i reached into my purse for another 20 to find there was none left id spent 200 in a flash . Every single penny my food money my gas my electric everything was gone. I panicked o*g what do i do in my dispair and worry of what to tell my husband i quickly went the toilet and threw my purse behind the toilet and walked the mile home as my husband was suppost to collect me after bingo but i had no books so couldnt stay. All the way home i was shaking i got in a relayed the story that id lost my purse. My husband was so sympathetic gave me a cuddle an said dont worry we will sort something out. Later that night the bingo called to say my purse had been found but sadly it was empty. I went bed an just lay there thinking o*g what have you done. I didnt go the bingo after for a few months and thought i was over gambling. Then i logged into my email and had an email with a 400% bonus dispite everything i had felt i found myself registering and before i knew it id depositted. I used to sit in bed at night when my husband was working and play but was only spending around 20.00 a week so to me it was harmless. Some nights my husband would say hey why dont you go bingo tonight ill watch the kids but id say no its ok im ok here little did he know i was on the slots in bed. I started work and it felt great being independant then one day i was an hr early for my shift so thought ill have a look around the shops to pass the time . I was looking in a shop window when it started to rain then i heard a voice off a lady who said hi there would u like a coupon come inside in the dry and you can have a nice cup of tea with a free 5.00 to try your luck on the slots ! When i looked up it was an amusements arcade that until now i hadnt even noticed. I took the flyer for the free 5.00 and stepped inside. I imagined that these places was filled with 18 year old lads but even found little old ladies on the machines. I had a few games and again had a win of over 100 i thought god that was easy left and went to work an i even treated the kids to clothes with my surprise winnings. I then found myself going to work an hour early every shift and going in then one day again with my wages in hand found myself in there i again started off with loose change but before i knew it was inserting 20.00 notes . I kept saying its got to win in a min but no every spin was dead and i once again was pennyless. What on earth do i do this time id spent my whole months wages before it was a weeks wages an we struggled like mad but this was a whole new level of dispair. I left the arcade an walked home all the way thinking o*g how the hell have you let this happen. I got in and thought i got to get somemoney so i found myself applying for a payday loan just a few clicks later 300 was in my account . I later told my husband my wages had been messed up and i was only paid 300 i cant believe how many lies ive told him. I went in the arcade and self excluded myself and thought right 2014 will be a new me no gambling. After a few months i recieved an another email from another casino offering a free 20 no deposit . Great i thought i dont even have to deposit so i joined but as u can guess after a few days the deposits started to happen just little ones though ones i could afford. After a few weeks id find myself taking the kids school an logging onto my computer and if i was off work id be sat there till end of school where id even be playing last spins when i should have been leaving the house to collect them . I did always make it but some days id be running so i wasnt late . It eventually started having an impact on work i was late and when i was there i was waiting to get in an go online.
Then one night i thought ill have a little go online i only had 20.00 in my bank an it wasnt accounted for so thought ill deposit that . I hadnt checked the game starting price an just clicked spin my balance went from 20.00 to 10.00 ong 10.00 a spin but then something happend i had a winning line of the top icon and id won 1000. I couldnt believe my luck and thought ill pay about 10 spins at this stake and see if i get lucky again. 10 turned to 20 then 30 and yes before i knew it i was on zero . My husband had gone to bed early and i was so gutted i thought o*g u had 1000 just 10 minutes ago so thats when i did something unforgiveable i opened my husbands wallet an found myself taking his bank card out !!!!! I had to win bk some money j kept telling myself . Next thing i remember was it being about 4.30 am and my last deposit failed due to insufficent funds o*g he had just been paid 1200.00 o*g the hate i felt for myself was disgusting . What on earth was i going to do . I climbed the stairs and woke him up in floods of tears i admitted what id done i could see the disappointment in his face . Even after everything i told him he wrapped his arms around me and said its going to be ok i will somehow sort something out. He went to work an after he got in he sat me down and said right we are going to have sell somethings i begged him to sell my computer this way i had no access to gambling he agreed an that day we sole a number of our possessions and scraped about 400 together . He held the money and we contacted the site id spent the money on and they self excluded me for 5 years we did budget shops an got gas an electric we put off bigger bills to the next month an struggled to pay 2 months the following month. My husband told my friends and family and i was embarrassed an ashamed and thought whenever i feel like gambling ill remember how i felt at that moment . I thought right enoughs enough and was relieved i had no means of gambling.
Around 6 months after i got a new phone and set up my emails and found loads of different emails all offering free spins or non deposit bonuses before i knew it id joined them all id get the free money or spins then make another account in a made up name before i knew it i had 10 emails all being used but i hadnt depossited so it was harmless . I spent time rationalising what i was doing . Then came the worst day in my life id joined a new bingo site on my phone and had an offer of pay 5.00 and get 40 free . I checked my online banking and had 7.00 in my account so thought i wont miss a fiver so i depositted but when i depossited i clicked pay via paypal so it wouldnt show up on my bank . The paypal transaction was set up via direct debit. I made the purchase of 5.00 and started playing. Later i checked my bank but still had 7.00 in my account . A short time after i found myself depositting 7.00 and it let me unsure as to why i was back hooked. I spent the whole night awake in my bed on my phone playing spin after spin depositting minute after minute bigger an bigger amounts i was looking at the balance an not thinking this is real money. The next day around 7.30 the alarm went off my husband woke up an said i didnt look well i made an excuse that id been awake all night vomitting and he told me to get some sleep while he did the school run. I checked my online transaction history an id spent 2050 in the night . I panicked went to my online bank and blocked paypal from taking anymoney i am fully aware what i did was disgraceful . Over the next few days i was checking my paypal account and as the payments was bounced bk i was 2050 in negative balance. After a few days paypal rang and i admitted everything to they said would contemplate getting the police involved. The next few days was a blur and i was admitted into hospital after gaving a nervous breakdown where i spent 2 months. I was contacted daily by paypal who rightly so wanted their money then it was passed to debt recovery agency who added 500 . I am out of hospital now and are repaying what i owe to paypal every week . My husband found out about it and the stress of being there with me again took it toll and sadly we seperated in september 2016 . Ill be paying back paypal till april 2017 at a rate which is making me struggle financially and when i had the breakdown i lost my job. I now have a nurse visit me weekly and is currently on medication to keep my mood stable i now have self excluded myself from every online casino and bingo site . I lost everything from gambling and hold my hands up to everything ive done and took the punishment. I will never forgive myself for becoming the woman i did . I have wrote this for anyone at the begining of the cycle to read and realise how easy it can get you hooked. Paypal was very understanding by not contacting to police and this is why im paying them higher payments to get the debt gone. Im just glad ive never had credit cards or god knows how much debt id be in. 2017 is going to hopefully be gamble free everyone around me knows of the battle ive had . I now have a rule that i can only use my phone for calls and texts an the kids will take it off me if im seen using it any other time. I am deeply sorry for the hurt i caused to my husband and hopefully in time he will love me once again as i lost hope when i lost him but if not i have to live with that as it was all my own doing. I now have closed all emails down and dont use one and ive not gambled since april 2016 and for the first time feeling hopeful for the new year . My brother came home from canada for xmas an in canada you cant bet its forbidden i really think the uk should adopt this policy as after reading on here it affects millions of us . Anyway heres hoping that the government somehow in the future try an ban or limit the amount of online casinos. I think im self excluded from around 120 casinos and bingos and from all arcades and bookmakers in my area even though ive never been in a betting shop i self excluded so im never tempted again .
Sorrygorry wrote: My addiction started about 15 years ago i started going to the bingo with my mum and sisters once a week. It was great to get out the house as i had 4 young children. My husband works long hours so i didnt socialise much . I used to look forward to going the bingo and i continued for about 5 years going once weekly. One week about 5 years in my mum and sisters wasnt able to go so i went alone big mistake i got chatting in the interval to an old friend who was going to spend the interval in the foyer on the slots so i went with her. Curiosly i put a few coins in a slot machine not having a clue what i was doing or how to play it . On my 3rd spin i heard these 5 little chimes and realised id won a feature still not having a clue i was led by the machine on what to do and in a few short minutes i was staring at a win of 125 .00 . I was so thrilled i quickly cashed it out and went to finish off my bingo . I was made up to tell my husband that id spent just 3.00 and won 125.00 . Week by week then id nip out with just 10.00 and try my luck an often won small amounts but id never take my purse with me id leave it with my mum. My mum made it clear that she didnt approve an warned me to be careful but hey i was winning what harm could i do !! . This went on for a few years then one day i found myself back at the bingo alone. Id just been paid . When i got into the bingo hall i didnt even buy my books but went straight to the machines first off a fiver went in then a 10 and next i was feeding it 20.00 notes. The next 15 /20 minutes or so passed in a blur and then i reached into my purse for another 20 to find there was none left id spent 200 in a flash . Every single penny my food money my gas my electric everything was gone. I panicked o*g what do i do in my dispair and worry of what to tell my husband i quickly went the toilet and threw my purse behind the toilet and walked the mile home as my husband was suppost to collect me after bingo but i had no books so couldnt stay. All the way home i was shaking i got in a relayed the story that id lost my purse. My husband was so sympathetic gave me a cuddle an said dont worry we will sort something out. Later that night the bingo called to say my purse had been found but sadly it was empty. I went bed an just lay there thinking o*g what have you done. I didnt go the bingo after for a few months and thought i was over gambling. Then i logged into my email and had an email with a 400% bonus dispite everything i had felt i found myself registering and before i knew it id depositted. I used to sit in bed at night when my husband was working and play but was only spending around 20.00 a week so to me it was harmless. Some nights my husband would say hey why dont you go bingo tonight ill watch the kids but id say no its ok im ok here little did he know i was on the slots in bed. I started work and it felt great being independant then one day i was an hr early for my shift so thought ill have a look around the shops to pass the time . I was looking in a shop window when it started to rain then i heard a voice off a lady who said hi there would u like a coupon come inside in the dry and you can have a nice cup of tea with a free 5.00 to try your luck on the slots ! When i looked up it was an amusements arcade that until now i hadnt even noticed. I took the flyer for the free 5.00 and stepped inside. I imagined that these places was filled with 18 year old lads but even found little old ladies on the machines. I had a few games and again had a win of over 100 i thought god that was easy left and went to work an i even treated the kids to clothes with my surprise winnings. I then found myself going to work an hour early every shift and going in then one day again with my wages in hand found myself in there i again started off with loose change but before i knew it was inserting 20.00 notes . I kept saying its got to win in a min but no every spin was dead and i once again was pennyless. What on earth do i do this time id spent my whole months wages before it was a weeks wages an we struggled like mad but this was a whole new level of dispair. I left the arcade an walked home all the way thinking o*g how the hell have you let this happen. I got in and thought i got to get somemoney so i found myself applying for a payday loan just a few clicks later 300 was in my account . I later told my husband my wages had been messed up and i was only paid 300 i cant believe how many lies ive told him. I went in the arcade and self excluded myself and thought right 2014 will be a new me no gambling. After a few months i recieved an another email from another casino offering a free 20 no deposit . Great i thought i dont even have to deposit so i joined but as u can guess after a few days the deposits started to happen just little ones though ones i could afford. After a few weeks id find myself taking the kids school an logging onto my computer and if i was off work id be sat there till end of school where id even be playing last spins when i should have been leaving the house to collect them . I did always make it but some days id be running so i wasnt late . It eventually started having an impact on work i was late and when i was there i was waiting to get in an go online. Then one night i thought ill have a little go online i only had 20.00 in my bank an it wasnt accounted for so thought ill deposit that . I hadnt checked the game starting price an just clicked spin my balance went from 20.00 to 10.00 ong 10.00 a spin but then something happend i had a winning line of the top icon and id won 1000. I couldnt believe my luck and thought ill pay about 10 spins at this stake and see if i get lucky again. 10 turned to 20 then 30 and yes before i knew it i was on zero . My husband had gone to bed early and i was so gutted i thought o*g u had 1000 just 10 minutes ago so thats when i did something unforgiveable i opened my husbands wallet an found myself taking his bank card out !!!!! I had to win bk some money j kept telling myself . Next thing i remember was it being about 4.30 am and my last deposit failed due to insufficent funds o*g he had just been paid 1200.00 o*g the hate i felt for myself was disgusting . What on earth was i going to do . I climbed the stairs and woke him up in floods of tears i admitted what id done i could see the disappointment in his face . Even after everything i told him he wrapped his arms around me and said its going to be ok i will somehow sort something out. He went to work an after he got in he sat me down and said right we are going to have sell somethings i begged him to sell my computer this way i had no access to gambling he agreed an that day we sole a number of our possessions and scraped about 400 together . He held the money and we contacted the site id spent the money on and they self excluded me for 5 years we did budget shops an got gas an electric we put off bigger bills to the next month an struggled to pay 2 months the following month. My husband told my friends and family and i was embarrassed an ashamed and thought whenever i feel like gambling ill remember how i felt at that moment . I thought right enoughs enough and was relieved i had no means of gambling. Around 6 months after i got a new phone and set up my emails and found loads of different emails all offering free spins or non deposit bonuses before i knew it id joined them all id get the free money or spins then make another account in a made up name before i knew it i had 10 emails all being used but i hadnt depossited so it was harmless . I spent time rationalising what i was doing . Then came the worst day in my life id joined a new bingo site on my phone and had an offer of pay 5.00 and get 40 free . I checked my online banking and had 7.00 in my account so thought i wont miss a fiver so i depositted but when i depossited i clicked pay via paypal so it wouldnt show up on my bank . The paypal transaction was set up via direct debit. I made the purchase of 5.00 and started playing. Later i checked my bank but still had 7.00 in my account
. A short time after i found myself depositting 7.00 and it let me unsure as to why i was back hooked. I spent the whole night awake in my bed on my phone playing spin after spin depositting minute after minute bigger an bigger amounts i was looking at the balance an not thinking this is real money. The next day around 7.30 the alarm went off my husband woke up an said i didnt look well i made an excuse that id been awake all night vomitting and he told me to get some sleep while he did the school run. I checked my online transaction history an id spent 2050 in the night . I panicked went to my online bank and blocked paypal from taking anymoney i am fully aware what i did was disgraceful . Over the next few days i was checking my paypal account and as the payments was bounced bk i was 2050 in negative balance. After a few days paypal rang and i admitted everything to they said would contemplate getting the police involved. The next few days was a blur and i was admitted into hospital after gaving a nervous breakdown where i spent 2 months. I was contacted daily by paypal who rightly so wanted their money then it was passed to debt recovery agency who added 500 . I am out of hospital now and are repaying what i owe to paypal every week . My husband found out about it and the stress of being there with me again took it toll and sadly we seperated in september 2016 . Ill be paying back paypal till april 2017 at a rate which is making me struggle financially and when i had the breakdown i lost my job. I now have a nurse visit me weekly and is currently on medication to keep my mood stable i now have self excluded myself from every online casino and bingo site . I lost everything from gambling and hold my hands up to everything ive done and took the punishment. I will never forgive myself for becoming the woman i did . I have wrote this for anyone at the begining of the cycle to read and realise how easy it can get you hooked. Paypal was very understanding by not contacting to police and this is why im paying them higher payments to get the debt gone. Im just glad ive never had credit cards or god knows how much debt id be in. 2017 is going to hopefully be gamble free everyone around me knows of the battle ive had . I now have a rule that i can only use my phone for calls and texts an the kids will take it off me if im seen using it any other time. I am deeply sorry for the hurt i caused to my husband and hopefully in time he will love me once again as i lost hope when i lost him but if not i have to live with that as it was all my own doing. I now have closed all emails down and dont use one and ive not gambled since april 2016 and for the first time feeling hopeful for the new year . My brother came home from canada for xmas an in canada you cant bet its forbidden i really think the uk should adopt this policy as after reading on here it affects millions of us . Anyway heres hoping that the government somehow in the future try an ban or limit the amount of online casinos. I think im self excluded from around 120 casinos and bingos and from all arcades and bookmakers in my area even though ive never been in a betting shop i self excluded so im never tempted again .
Thank you for sharing, I have to say that it is unfortunatley not too disimilair to my own demise.
I hope 2017 is a year in which you recover your health, self esteem and family.
They are all achievable - By you !
Sbb
U are definitely not alone in this ! I never made a hospital visit but I lost my marriage, self respect and dignity. Gambling made me a deceitful manipulative liar and I would never forgive my self what I did to my ex husband
Good luck xxxx
I just wish we had a switch inside us that we could just switch off an never want to gamble again x until then im taking it a day at a time and hoping for the best x thank you for your kind words of support xx
I think all of us wishes we had a switch ...,and a time machine!!
We have to work at this beating addiction malarkey...it's not easy, highs, lows, happy, sad, angry...but so worth it when we regain our life's 😉
Thank you so much for your honest post , reminding me of where my addiction could lead and hopefully helping me in my recovery journey
Just try to concentrate on today....Not the past, it's gone....Not tomorrow, it never comes ....Just today 🙂
Thank you for sharing....Keep posting, it really helps.
M x
Can resonate so much with what you have shared.
Very brave and honest post and I felt quite touched by it.
Keep posting please x
Thank you so much for this honest post. So many words and feelings deeply resonate with me. They should advertise this feeling in a bottle, I would buy it over any bet!
Sadly pros and cons of gambling can be detrimental and devastating but sometimes can be fixed in so many different ways no guarantees but never give up focus on whats important and what you genuinely want be prepared to take the rough with the smooth but never sacrifice your wellbeing and health it is much more important than anything especially to your loved ones move forward choose life good luck and never give up
Thought about my post all day and thought if i write a post its got to be honest even if i get slated for it so was brutally honest . I just hope someone may get some help from it to get the help they need earlier , so if it stops just one person than its been worth it x It feels good to know others have been in a similar situation and its not just me to lose my grip on life. I paid the ultimate price by losing my husband and i suppose in a way i lost abit of my kids as theyre now old enough to know the reason as to why their dad left us an it was all my fault . For that I can never make amends and is the reason while ill keep battling at this. Its took so much of me I will not allow it to take anymore not that theres much left now. I am feeling more positive for the new year and im praying that i get to the end of the year never gambling again but that seems so far away so ill carry on taking baby steps and those minutes ive not gambled add up to hours then days and months . Im so proud of myself for getting to the 8th month gamble free and can see the 20th of april in my sight now which will mark 12 months . I do have to confess the 2 hospital stays for 2 months a time have helped me as you cant gamble while your in their and i have had a few wobbles when ive been at home when ive seen advertisments for new casinos with free money but so far ive resisted as its still fresh in my mind what gambling caused me to do and im still paying for it. I currently log into my online bank daily to show the kids dad to prove to him ive not gambled and im grateful he still comes daily to see the kids and to check im doing ok. My mum is so disappointed with me and i just wish for a split second she could understand how much of a grib it takes of you. My mums idea is you choose to gamble or not simple....... i wish it was that simple most people dont gamble through choice they gamble coz they feel they have too an even when ive gambled all my wages an had a last 20.00 ive not rationalised an thought cmon stop now an at least you have enough for electric ive thought that last 20.00 could give me a win to claim back some of the hundreds ive lost. The amount of times ive said to myself im such a bad mum for not stopping earlier an leaving us with no money for food or bills and all i can say to those who think i am a terrible mother and wife is yes ive made huge mistakes in life and my children should have been at the front of my mind at all times but when your hooked a mist clouds over every rational thought an your consumed in hitting the next win. My children are my everything an im just so lucky i still have them because if id lost them too life wouldnt be worth living! . I see these adverts on tv saying when the fun stops stop does anyone seriously gamble just for fun ? Coz the very few ive spoken too certainly wasnt enjoying it. In the end i wasnt enjoying it half the time id be pressing spin after spin an not even looking at the screen to watch the spin just checking my balance every ten mins or so . I even started watching you tubers who was videoing themselves playing slots in bingos and bookies. My day was just slot slot and more slot. Ive even dreamt of playing and winning . It was a total obsession. I can remember a time lying in bed playing the slots hiding now i lay in bed thinking of the years ive lost out on , the memories i could have made with my kids if i hadnt have been so engrossed in my laptop . The money that we could have spent on a holiday that went online. How is this fun surely the government should be stopping these firms advertising . The health service are dealing with people taking their lives or having breakdowns like i did daily because of this an yet its all glorified on the tv i bet if people spoke out theres a heck of alot of people suffering in silence tonight. We need to speak out to be heard but sadly the casinos wont listen as theyre making millions for every 1 who self excludes theres 10 who join hence why theres now hundreds of sites xx
Sadly gambling industry is a business to make money one person excluding makes no difference to them there will be 100s more hence the constant advertisements just like drinks companies and before that the cigarette companies .And don't worry you have chosen to share your experience and take positive steps for your wellbeing which is paramount and everyday gf is a bonus and regardless what small steps you take it makes a difference for you and no one else if people recognise that then that's another positive just don't give up always move forward not back . good luck
Ty jayd x
Afternoon sorrygorry. Thank you for sharing your story and being so honest...we aren't here to judge each other, just to help listen, help and encourage. We have all done things we aren't proud of when gambling, but we can't change them, sadly. However, we can change our future and make things right. But only you can do that. The past is the past, but the future is yours to grab with both hands and hold on tight with everything you've got. Even though you might not think it right now or feel you deserve it...you deserve happiness, dreams and goals within your future. You can make a bright future and build bridges with your family...my gosh it's going to be the hardest thing ever, but I can tell you know it will be absolutely worth it. I think you need to start with yourself (well I did anyway) first of all telling yourself you deserve better, as if you don't believe you do you'll not fight for it with everything you've got. Happiness, starts with you and only you. perhaps write a list of simple goals, a goal for the week ahead, one for the next couple of months etc something to focus on and achieve always makes me feel good when I can tick it off. I hope your head is clear of the horrible clouds we've all been on before soon and you can feel a little more positive about things. Take care. C x
Well said Charley1
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