[Closed] My Last Bad Day

I got some sleep!! Wahoo! 

Hi  DramaLlama, 

It sounds like you are having a bit of a stressful and tiring time at the moment , Hope you have had some rest and are feeling ok .

Please keep posting and we are always here if you need to talk about anything . Maybe give us a call on the Helpline or the Netline.

Take care 

Forum Admin 

Thanks for the reply Forum Admin. I'll take it onboard and connect if I feel I need to. 

Today I worked from home. Actually managed to get through some files so that was good. 

This afternoon I went to see the counsellor. She's so nice. We chatted about my relationship with Hubby and the dynamics we have going on. I didn't tell her about Friday night. I dunno why but I didn't. It was interesting how she interpreted stuff from my childhood and how it's reflected in my adult life. 

She taught a new mindfulness thing for bedtime. I'm gonna be picturing a chalkboard and I'm writing the number 100, then rubbing it out and then 99 and so on. I've got my eyes closed and I'm following the writing with my eyeballs. Hopefully that will help me get off to sleep. We shall see. Last weeks breathing trick has made a big difference in a week so I'm full of confidence. 

Work this evening sucked. The guy that was sposed to help me last night decided he wanted the keys back for his place as he wanted to do it himself. Fine, you would think, because I drop an hour and a half that I didn't need except, I would've been paid for that. I will not be paid the hour it took driving around town getting the keys back to him. He's on my bad people list and will be getting no favours from me anytime soon. 

I went to the place I'm cleaning for the next two weeks whilst someone else is on holiday and it's a massive place. The hottest weather we've had in years and I'm lumbered with that. I tell myself that the bank holiday will be a break and it's not forever, it's just for now. 

The last place was fine. 

My dog is not enjoying this hot weather and I miss our time in the park between jobs but I just can't take her in this weather. It's too hot in the car. 

People at work have been sending me messages of congratulations about passing my exams and getting a new job and so that feels really nice. 

No gambling thoughts at all. I've just got two bills to sort tommorow and one next Wednesday and then everything is straight bar the massive debts but I'll chip away at them as I can. 

G'nite all. 

I got an email from the admin to check in or phone or summat. It was on Sunday and I missed it cos I've changed to a Samsung and I'm struggling to get my iPhone email to work on my Samsung. I can only check my mail at the minute on my computer and the only thing I'm doing on my computer right now is updating this journal. Anyway, that's the backstory, but it got me thinking about this journal and how my posting about my day might make other people worry about me. I don't like that. What if they're talking about me in the office or send someone to my house? I overthink everything. I know this already. 

Anyway. Beyond what I've said. I don't know that I feel like journaling tonight. 

I haven't gambled. Work is fine. I got a good nights sleep last night. I don't feel like ringing people when I only have a few minutes before I go to bed. 

That is all. 

G'nite. 

Good to see you are taking everything in your stride

There is nothing finer than a calmer drama llama

Stephen x 

Friday. Woosh, made it to the weekend. What a horribly hot and busy week. I have so many chores to get through this weekend. I've made a mental list. Overtime is cancelled because everyone caned it so the work is all done. This will be problematic for cash flow next payday but only if I am not sensible about spending. I survived two weeks with £50 recently so I've already told myself I can handle it. 

I only did one cleaning job tonight so I could get home early for a change. I'll do the other tomorrow. It's a small job so it's no big deal. 

I'm gonna watch some telly. 

I have been having gambling thoughts but nothing I cannot handle. Just creeping in there and I do my mental pros and cons and the cons are way bigger so I'll not be doing that. 

G'nite all. 

Thanks for your post Stephen. It was nice. x

Oh, and I banged my thumb locking up some big heavy gates and it really hurts. 

Really really, that is all. 

Been unsettled today. I planned to have a lie-in this morning but some local youth decided to use the street as a racing circuit for their mopeds/motorbikes. Revving up and down until I was well and truly awake. 

I get my first Saturday off in ages and this happens. I feel unhappy. I can't shake it. 

I did my last cleaning job of the week, walked the dog in the pouring rain. Accidentally gave away my best Pokemon to the Professor (it's a thing). 

I made some homemade breaded chicken but I left it in the oven too long and it was so dry, it was virtually inedible. Dog liked it though. 

I'm hoping I get a good night's sleep tonight cos I think that's what I need to fix my mood. 

That is all. 

Hi! Hope you are ok, yea sleep will help you loads everything seems harder when tired, I listen to sleep sounds with earphones in bed it's free on YouTube, they have audiobooks on there too, recently I have been listening to thunder storms on there and it really helps me to sleep.

Thinking of you, keep well xx

I slept till 1 o clock today. Had a very productive day as a result. I did all the re-cycling. Went to the bottle bank and cleaned out my 3 bins. 

I went to the supermarket and got some whoops'd deals including a roast beef joint. Made a cracking dinner. 

I took the dog to the park. It was pouring with rain. There was a swing band in the bandstand and bless them, they only had half a dozen diehard fans watching. I listened to them do New York New York and Pennsylvania whatsit and I kicked my wellies at the New York turn. It was a giggle. Nearly caught pneumonia though, got soaked through. 

Been to the pub this evening. Some special needs lad hogged my attention and that got on Hubby's nerves. This bloke is sweet but clearly has aspergers or autistic or summat. I just had to rein hubby in and stop him from being rude. I helped stop him picking a fight but his rudeness was obvious and I hate that he does that. 

I really wanted to gamble last night and I'm glad I didn't succumb to it. 

I've got another 60 hour week coming so that should keep me outta mischief till the weekend. 

The insurance money we expected hasn't arrived and might not come till 15th August. We aren't gonna manage the bills if it doesn't come early but really really that's outta my control. I'm working all the hours God sends. If it doesn't come then I will just deal with the mess of bounced direct debits and stuff again. 

Losing £x doesn't help. 

That is all. 

I hope you are all okay. 

G'nite. x

Had a productive day at work. Got a meeting tommoz at 9 with my bosses boss about my transfer to the new department. Suspect he's gonna want me to make a permanent move rather than a secondment but I will try and stand my ground. I don't wanna jump ship when my current role is so cushy. We shall see. 

Could do without the early start. I'll have to leave the house at 7.30 which means I'll be well knackered for my evening work but hey ho, it is what it is. 

I got stuck in traffic on the way home tonight and it was awful. I hate it. As soon as I joined the bypass and was stuck I felt panicky. I did my breathing and got through it but initially thought I was gonna pass out. So bad. I have a job in Bolton in a couple of weeks so I'll have to go on the Motorway. I might need to practise a bit as I haven't been on the Motorway for months. It gives me high anxiety. 

My cleaning jobs sucked. I got through it though. 

I went to the park at 10.30 with the dog. It was fun. I played Pokemon and she had a good run around. Not a great place to be late at night but I'm pretty safe cos my dog is huge. 

G'nite all. 

Had my meeting this morning with my bosses boss at 8.30 cos I got in early. I was prepared. 

He wanted me to make my secondment a permanent move rather than a 6 month secondment. I said no. He got nasty. I said I wasn't gonna be bullied into making a move that I didn't want and the point at which he should have said what he wanted was like May when I was applying for the job not July when I was offered it. 

I wanted to go for a 6 month secondment and prove my worth and negotiate a raise based on my performance and he was robbing me of that with his intentions. 

I bought myself some time saying I needed to talk to some people. 

He grabbed me again at 11.30 in a stairwell and was super nasty. He mentioned my sickness which frankly hasn't been bad (4 days). I've had chemo injections every Friday and I've not gone sick at all during that even though they make me poorly and I reminded him that what he was doing in trying to bully me based on that was discriminatory and illegal. I stood my ground again. 

This afternoon I spoke to my new Team Leader and explained my plan. I said I was planning to impress you with my work over the next 6 months and then ask to get a 5% raise. This chap is forcing my hand here. If he continues, I'll stay where I am. I want to join your team but I also want the 5% I would've deserved in 6 months. 

He spoke to his boss and offered me the raise. I shook his hand. 

I told my bosses boss that I'd agreed terms with the new guy. My bosses boss whole demeanour changed and he was super duper sickly nice. He told me that if I ever wanted a job on his team, I was welcome to apply. I told him I wouldn't apply for a job on his team if my life depended on it. He showed me what he thinks of me. He tried to use my illness against me even though I've worked mega hard and opted to do Chemo and be sick on the weekends to not interrupt this work and I've even flexed off to hospital appointments and worked the time back so as to hit my targets and he pulls them cords when he doesn't get his own way, no sir, you are not somebody I would choose to work for again. 

He really needs me next month as he has a job that needs my particular set of skills. There's no way he can achieve what he needs without me as he doesn't have time to recruit or train someone. I said, you'll have to speak with my new boss. If he releases me to do it, I will do it to the best of my ability and apply myself to it wholeheartedly. 

I found my assertive me today. 

I am really proud. 

G'nite Godbless Guys. 

xoxoxoxo

Worked from home today. Had a shocking hangover. Was not very productive to say the least. 

Saw my counsellor. She's very good at getting to the root cause of stuff. It's weird how talking to someone else can make you see stuff logically. I don't wanna say anymore than that. Just it was a great session. 

Cleaning was super hard. This job I'm covering is massive and my shoulders are killing and we're only 3 days in. Just got hubby to give them a rub. It's eased a bit. 

Gonna have a fish butty and go to bed. 

No gambling thoughts at all! 😀

Laters x

I cleaned the gunky fridges at this place I'm looking after. They were nasty. I don't reckon they've been done for years. I dodged the floors as they were pretty decent from last night and my shoulders hurt. 

My cleaning boss called and said the person doing my regular job isn't doing a good clean and he's getting complaints. He asked if I could go and help him. I was like NO! HARD NO! I am knackered and not sitting down before 11pm. Where am I sposed to find time to help him out? Dang, get real. This two weeks of cover is already hitting me hard, an extra 10 hours a week and I'm already doing 60 hours regular. No no nope. He took the hint. He said he'll get another lass to call by. 

I cannot believe I have lumbered myself with all this extra work just by gambling silly for 18 months. I solemnly swear when all the debt is paid back, I will never put myself in this position again. 

G'nite all. 

Hi Drama,

Look at your 1st post then look at your latest. Already you're a million miles away from where your journey started. Assertive, self confident & optimistic. Good for you, just make sure you repay that comforting & soothing rub of the shoulders by giving something back. If you're struggling talk, if you're down share it. Remember the stories we write are the difference between success and triumph for others.

Sincere Best Wishes

AL

success & failure was meant. Not drunk just fuelled with enthusiasm for other peoples recovery.