[Closed] My Last Bad Day

I didnt gamble. Just got wellied and now Hubby wont talk to me. 

Hubby told Auntie A he had no idea why I was scared to come home last night. 

They dropped me off an hour ago. I find my Christmas Crib is missing. Replaced by some of my law books. Presumably smashed to pieces and in the bin. 

My wedding picture is gone off the wall and the frame is in pieces on the printer. One of my Ant Middleton books is missing and the cover is ripped and lying at the bottom of the stairs. Hubby has 3 cut fingers. 

The Christmas Tree looks like it's been dragged behind a car for a couple of miles. 

"No idea why she's scared to come home" he says. Pah! 

I'm sure I'll find other stuff missing and/or damaged over the next day or so. 

Definitely made the right call not to come home last night. 

D x

There is no doubt you made the right call not to go home. I am struggling to find the right thing to say and I don’t want to be clumsy with words. I love you mate and sending big hugs x

Thank you posting on my diary Drama. I am absolutely fine, just bumps and bruises. A little gutted about my ring 

The Crib is not fixable. Mary is missing completely, so is a sheep. The three wise men and Joseph have no heads. I dunno where they are. 

I have saved Baby Jesus and the Angel Gabrielle. That's all I have. 

I'm sorry drama.. I feel I know how symbolic this crib is to your faith and your Christmas 

I hope tomorrow dawns an easier day and week for you. 

Love boo ❤️

It breaks my heart to think of the sadness you are experiencing Drama.

You are loved and respected by all your gamcare friends and we are all thinking of you.

Take care.

Stephen x 

Auntie A told me to glue it back together to remind him of what he did. 

I told her that it reminds me of my first day at school. I made a clown face on a shoebox lid with paper tissue and glue and stuff. When I came home, I showed Mummy. I was so proud. I say Mummy because I was an infant. 

She was cross for some reason and tore it to pieces. She sent me to my room. Later in the night, she came into my room with it sellotaped back together and put it on my wall. It was a constant reminder of how much she loved my brothers and hated me. Their stuff got put in the kitchen, on the walls or on the fridge. My stuff got ripped shreds, stuck on MY wall for ME too look at and I used to punch myself because i wasn't good enough. 

I am just venting. 

I really want to gamble alot but I'm not gonna cos I will be on 10 days tommoz. I am looking forward to being double digits again. 

I am very sad (understatement) that Hubby destroyed all the things I like. 

I dunno how to process it. I feel like a hurt infant again. 

Sorry for sharing my sadness. 

It's opened wounds drama.. Pain is intensifying at times.. But please don't gamble. 

Find some strength.. You have your faith.. You have us as Stephen says.. Reach out to netline.. 

Im only so sorry we are so near the 25th and you are feeling this way 

Boo xx

That is so sad Drama ?. You have your faith, that is so important. You have Archangel Gabriel  - life, hope and truth as I see him. Don’t know what else to say really other than love and hugs x

Hi Drama, 

Thanks for the response to my previous message. I meant every single word of it. Your words helped me when I truly needed them and for that I am extremely grateful. 

I've been reading catching up on everything that's been going on with you recently and my heart goes out to you. I hope you set your other half straight on a few things? His behaviour is unacceptable and not helping you and your situation one bit. Just my opinion but it seems like you give a hell of a lot more than you receive back? not just from your husband but in work etc too. If it were me i'd be doing a hell of a lot less and making everyone see and appreciate your worth.

Anyhow, I wish you well and keep fighting.

Morning drama,. Thank you so much for popping into my diary. I have taken my ring to the jewellers and it can be repaired. Thank you so much for suggesting that to me, I am so chuffed X

Posted by: Murlo

Morning drama,. Thank you so much for popping into my diary. I have taken my ring to the jewellers and it can be repaired. Thank you so much for suggesting that to me, I am so chuffed X

 

Wonderful news! That makes me very happy. ?

Hi Drama, I'm really sad you're going through the mill at the moment.  Thinking of you. And your underlying indomitable spirit 🙂

To everyone offering words of encouragement on the forum, on the chat and the helpline people, thank-you. 

Monday. 

I gambled last night. I'm not even sad about it. It felt like it was inevitable to have a blow out after my weekend. It's just how I feel now. Like numb about it. Not upset or ought. 

I chatted with a guy on the helpline. He said none of what happened was my fault. Not Hubby getting angry mad and trashing my stuff. Not my mate R shoving his tongue down my throat when I wanted to leave the pub. It was like he'd always been desperate to do it and just did. It was horrible. I hate tongues me (always have). I hated being pounced on but tongues are just disgusting muscly monsters. I don't do tongues. I told him that. I should've just said get off! but instead I said I hate tongues so he dived back in for another round like saying he won't use tongues and I just said NO NO NO I don't wanna kiss or anything like that Oh my gosh. Then I just left and that's when I messaged Hubby to say I'd got wasted instead of going football. I'm kinda glad he didn't let me get as far as telling him what R did cos can just imagine how angry mad he'd of got if he found that out?! 

Anyway, so I told the guy on the Helpline that it was my fault. Like indirectly. If I had made wiser choices none of the above would've happened. I should've just gone to the match. Then R wouldn't have fancied his chances and Hubby wouldn't have got upset at all. It would've just been a normal saturday. It's like that proverb in What Katy Did called "For the want of a horse shoe nail". My going out was the horse shoe nail. 

So today I WFH and just relaxed. I did 3 cleaning jobs tonight. I was happy for the extra work tbh for allsorts of reasons. 

I have been on chat a couple of times. 

I went to the Charity shop at dinner time and got a black machine knitted H&M sweater. It's a small mans size but it's got padded shoulders and elbows in like an RAF style. Very smart. I love it! 

I also got some blue and white and hot pink Gola trainers for my Gym Bag. I am very happy with them. 

That will do. 

Please don't feel sorry for me. I am the maker of my own troubles. I just need to do better. 

Drama x