[Closed] My Last Bad Day

So I am no longer Murlo is disguise ?

Posted by: Murlo

So I am no longer Murlo is disguise ?

But still full of typos...

Posted by: Murlo

So I am no longer Murlo is disguise ?

I presume you mean "in disguise". You make me laugh. Your typo's are funny. I tried to DM you but you must have your settings set super strong cos I can't see a way how to. Nice to see you pal. x

Ah...I will have a look at my settings. 

My Day. 

Last night I made the mistake of thinking about money. I was trying to create a spreadsheet for doing the bills again like I always used to but then it got me wondering about days till I am debt free and it's a massive number. I was triggered so bad. Not to gamble! Lord no! Just to feel bad about myself. In the end after feeling bad I chatted a lad on the Helpline. Within seconds he had me laughing. I wish I could remember what he said but honest to God, I cannot, it's gone. It's like I was fixed on hating myself and this lad said summat and I was roaring with laughter and totally over it. I am grateful for his sort of intervention in my bad mood. I left the chat pretty quick cos I wanted him to go spread his joyful self with anyone else struggling. I also left him real good feedback on that feedback form cos he was a good egg. 

Hubby slept in today. I got up to call work. Left my boss a real sleepy croaky message. He called me back like half an hour later and was super nice. This is good. I hope he continues to be super nice cos it's the only behaviour I will accept from a boss. Super nice or assertive when I need input. Otherwise I turn into a petulant child. 

I logged onto Uni. Today I have learnt about Performance and Discharge, Remedies and an introduction to Tort. That's 3 units in one day. Epic effort on my part there. Tommoz I need to do Duty of care and breach of duty and causation and remoteness. Then the small matter of writing 2000 words about whether to litigate in contract or tort. Then I will be back on track. I really really really need to stop procrastinating. I am a bad person. 

I went on chat a couple times today. Not for too long. Just to say hi and that. 

I tickled my cleaning jobs tonight. Found out a lad wants me to cover for him next week. This is fine cos I'll be free of study so I told him to book it in. 

Um, that is all I think. 

I HAVE NOT GAMBLED IN AGES AND THAT FEELS GOOD. I will not worry about how long it takes to be debt free cos that is another matter. It doesn't need to drive me nuts. Gambling for sure does drag me down though. If I keep chipping away at them debts, they will come down. I've already seen a great rise in my credit score all things considered. 

I am happy. 

G'nite Godbless Gamcare Buddies. 

Drama

xoxoxox

I had the worst nightmare last night. 

Not had one like that for years. 

I know it's not real but its unsettling. 

D. 

56/2000 words written. Pray for me. My brain is mush. 

If I get writers block at work I dig out something I have written before just to get me started. Just a kind of reminder of structure and that I can actually do it

I submitted my essay. 1700 words. It'll do. 

I'm not fussed to write ought else. 

Laters. 

D. 

You know where I am if you need to vent. Love you mate x

I ruined my diary. I don't wanna do it no more. 

Sorry to intrude Drama but I am concerned about you.

Hope you are feeling ok.

Love and best wishes.

Stephen x 

I am fine. Don't worry about me. 

All I want is for everyone to be gamble free and happy. Honest. 

Posted by: DramaLlama

All I want is for everyone to be gamble free and happy. Honest. 

Hello DL, 

That’s all very good and admirable. But, I know this is all a little bit cliche - being compassionate to your self comes before being compassionate to others - Focus on yourself on this rediscovery, as hard as it may sound ‘ selfish in addiction, selfish In recovery ‘ 

Your doing good DL, enjoy the good days and ride the bad days.