My life with addiction

Am soo pleased you found you had a choice Dan, even though that choice is sometimes hard to make, but WE do have it, and as we know, nothing good in life comes easy, it's all about commitment, hard work and self belief in ourselves,

We are all entitled to be able to make our own choices, let's keep continuing to make the right one, even though those stupid urges

Continue to pop up, ridiculous isn't it, and you are so many years into recovery, thank you yet again for sharing and continuing to give me more knowledge on this horrible addiction.

Suzanne xxx

Thanks Suzanne,

I think people need to keep in mind that recovery is a process & not an event.

This means staying free from our addiction will require continued effort. There is no graduation day for addicts.

This is where most relapses will occur. The denial of who & what we are. Letting our ego control our management of our illness.

I am an addict. I use addictions to control my moods.

This is neither a good or bad statement to make about oneself. It is merely a fact.

I am also many many other things. I am right handed, i like seafood, im good at maths, terrible at spelling you get the jist. Do i deny these things about myself....no. But for decades i denied my addictive behaviours even though the evidence of it was just as obvious.

Knowing & accepting i am & always will be one bet away from destruction gives me the motivation for change on a daily basis. It allows me to strive to be the best i can be. Sometimes i make great strides, other times i fail miserably, but the important thing is i tried & if it didnt work out i tried something new. Recovery remains my no1 priority in life, it comes before everything & everyone, because without it i will lose everything.

One Breath

One Step

One Day At A Time

Hi Dan,

Inspiring and sooo true post, thank you for sharing. Another doze of recovery medicine been taken 😉

Keep up good work!

You may have managed to steer your way through some very difficult & painful times during your addiction & come out the other side & when you did you thought, im leaving that behind me & am never returning there. Thats a great way to think......if your a selfish d i ck!

If we actually care about other people than ourselves, we cant leave our problems behind us & never return. If we dont take the freedom we have experienced & try to bring it to others, we are not becoming people worth becoming.

A friend said this to me last night. I thank him, nothing has ever rung more true about describing recovery for me.

I looked back last night both at the pages on here from a few months ago & thought about all the people i have seen stop attending GA. We are told on this journey we should do what is right for us, & most folk take that as an excuse to move on & f u k everyone else that is still suffering. Of course we shouldnt do things that cause us difficulties in our recoveries but i dont see how walking away & not passing on how you have come through the other side could harm anyone.
How does doing the right thing not enhance how we view ourselves?

One Breath
One Step
One Day At A Time

Dan

Fella thanks for popping by my thread, I understand how my thread could be interpreted of late.

With honesty I know my brain has an eliment that believes that any good things that happen in my life are to come with a dose of pain and I am not worthy of 'enjoying' life.

Addiction comes to the fore,it see's these events as a great light to try to regain control of my being.

I do I believe unconsciously revisit the 12 steps in these moments, I am fully aware that I will for life have the opportunity to make better choices as a result.

Regards any frustrating thoughts of how the forum is being used by its true owners,the authors fella I know that the figures don't lie,that only a minority of folk find continued abstinence. I am learning to accept that, I understand that without a commitment to recovery from us makes for an opportunity for addiction to break up the chain of recovery.

Recovery has brought a great deal to my life, in truth it has carried beyond the pages here and the walls of the GA room,I would never given willingly my time to many things outside of addiction

I am committed to a life without destruction, that running to addiction reaps.

Thanks for sharing your own commitment

It's infectious.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey Dan, just wanted to drop by & say thanks...I get it now! I'm still not sure what my underlying 'problem' was/is (multiple I expect) but I finally understand that this addiction is not just about the money!

I'm never going to be Mother Teresa but I'm working on my flaws, kicking less cats (I don't do that really, I promise) & generally being less aggressive (although this could just be old age)!

I can't abandon Step 12 (even thought I've still not done 2-11) since it has been a part of my journey since finding this site but I am more conscious than ever about offering emotional solutions too!

Thanks once again for being around! Keep breathing OAAT!

HA HA HA ad infinitum! Just seen your last post on my diary (you crazy Witch)...The NM doesn't even get them on his messages!

Raised a smile though & since you have never asked anything of me before, I will honour that (got a few weeks to get my nerves up)!

Just one thing to say dear Junniee,

XXXXXX 🙂 HD lol

everything is possible when in recovery HD indeed

Blondieeeexxxxxx x xxx sos extra xx cos you are soo worth it )

Hi Dan

Yes I did get some sort of resolution. Not perfect but then recovery isn't is it? Thanks for all your help. Keep it coming. 🙂

Gambling Addiction Progression Into & Through The Seven Deadly Sins.

Wrath, Pride, Greed, Gluttony,Lust, Envy & Sloth.

The Wrath of Addiction.

Wrath or anger is one of the most powerful emotions one can feel, but what is its involvement when it comes to addiction.

In terms of gambling, the wrath comes from every loss a person has on slots, blackjack the horses etc. Each loss feels like someone is cutting you & the result is a painful & angry reaction.

Surprisingly wrath is the first stage of addiction because you still have a strong reactionary response to your situation. Gradually your response will become more subdued, & that is when you will begin to lose control of yourself & your actions.

Pride: Taking Pride in Your Short Term Victories.

Each win we get is a strong positive affirmation in our minds, & its one of the early phases of gambling addiction.

Why?

Pride gets generated in three different ways in relation to our emotional disorder.

Satisfaction at small gains creates an inner monologue of things greater happening.It gives a false sense of self worth.

Unlike being prideful of positive accomplishments, here pride is misguided & fleeting though bolstered by the occasional win.

For example a few wins on a slit machine will create satisfaction with oneself despite it being a relatively small gain.

This small gain will trigger an emotional response where the idea of winning something bigger stirs up your inner voice. That inner voice makes you feel stronger & more accomplished around your gambling but because the gain is short term it creates a false sense of self worth.

You feel worthy & powerful when you are ahead as if its something you have created through skill & good judgement. As we all know this feeling changes quickly as profit turns into loss.

This false feeling of acheivement through winning is completely different to say real accomplishments gained through hard work ,dedication & talent. When things are gained using the above they cannot be taken away from us as they so easily can be within the dreamworld of addiction.

Greed:

As gambling has associations with money its appropriate for greed to play a role in our process of addiction.

Greed along with gluttony represent the middle stages of our addiction.Once a person enters this stage logic tends to go out the window & only the illogical thoughts of obtaining great wealth through gambling begin to take precedence.

Despite constant losses, the mind continues to light up with every win or near miss & theres a strong psychological reaction thats present in the majority of addictions. Every win is like a shot of alcohol or the taking of a dr ug because of the intense short term euphoria it creates.

The grandeur of imaginary wealth is also triggered which leads to the next deadly sin & eventual downfall of the addict.

Gluttony:

Once the initial charm & glamour of gambling begin to fade, the addict dives quickly into the sad & uncomfortable state of our disorder.

Gluttony is another word for excess & when our gambling begins to involve more time & money than is healthy we are in serious trouble.

Gluttony will gradually take us into a deeper & deeper hole both morally & financially, it is the spiral into destruction we seem unable to control.

As we continue to fall deeper into that hole we begin to care less & less about what we may be losing or about the actions & lengths we are prepared to go to.

The only positive reinforcement we can ever find about ourselves or our situation now is an occasional win.

Lust:

For Power, Prestige & Control.

It seems strange to associate Lust with Gambling but when you think about it, it makes sense.

Lust for gambling is not ontimate in its nature, its a thirst for things we may feel have eluded us in life, things such as power, wealth,recognition from others,success.

However this thirst reaches the point where the victim crosses into unacceptable behaviours such as:

Secretive behaviour, hiding it from friends & family.

Desperation to recoup your losses.

Lying about your actions.

Borrowing & Stealing money.

The lust for power & control becomes so great that we will throw all sense out of the window & only think about regaining every thing lost. We continue to spiral further out of control as both our losses & our desperation become bigger. This is often the point of no return to many, without seeking help from others many continue onto the only places this can lead. Prison or on the streets of in taking ones own life & remember gambling addiction has a higher rate of suicide than all other addictions & mental health disorders combined.

Envy:

You might think Envy of others would be one of the first sins we encounter through of progression of addiction.But its one of the last we see.

When the losses begin to pile up & your moral & financial debts get greater & greater you will begin to look at others.

Seeing others happiness & successes will breed an intense feeling of Envy, you will want what others have but feel you canmot get without continuing to gamble.

You may even feel hatred towards others because you believe they have succeeded where you have failed.

This hatred only fuels our addiction further & the actions you take may begin to esculate to criminal activaty.Crimes such as fraud are commen in the late stages of addiction.

Sloth: The final stage.

Sloth is what most people would call laziness but when it comes to addicts it is much more than that. To us its that feeling of carelessness of tapping out emotionally & the wasting away of our lives. Its about curling up in the fetal position after all our hopes & dreams have been shattered.

At this point all the money has gone, families, friends, homes & material goods all sacrificed & we dont care anymore.

No loss matters anymore & even the occasional win fails to excite.

It is an extremely sad & unpleasant progression that could have been prevented. The rough ride through addiction is very clearly signposted. Every progression serves as a warning sign to seek help. If we ignore them we only continue to further fall into the pit of helplessness that can only end in one of two destinations.

Death or Recovery. Both are an option. Choose well.

One Breath

One Step

One Day At A Time

Thanks for that read Dan very strong, but sadly true.

Thank goodness we found and now choose recovery every single day.

Suzanne xxx

One of the most important things in recovery i have found is the truth.
To openly & honestly look at my morality, my core beliefs about myself & life.

This was not an easy undertaking, it was terrifying, heart wrenching, filled with sorrow, anger, guilt, resentment & pain.

For it to be beneficial it had to be far reaching & as searching as possible. There had to be no boundaries & no short cuts in the search for my truth.
In searching for the truth i always had to continue to pursue, regardless of where the search took me. I had to do this fearlessly for there is nothing to fear in finding the truth.
The results were quite to the contrary because the truth set me free from gambling, it left me free to choose the many alternatives & opportunities that life presents, & free to be a contributing & integral part of the wonderful community of humankind.

One Breath
One Step
One Day At A Time

Hi there

With thruth comes acceptance i believe...you talk wise words and the amount of times i just wanted to ask you something about addiction i never did ...simply because you talk truth about it and i am not able to accept that reality/truth...
Not sure if that makes sense, i am still very much confused about addiction and my poor choices...i guess i just need to accept the things i cannot change and change the ones i still can..Huge request from myself but if that's what it takes to come out the other side, it's worth the pain and all other emotions which might come with it.
Time always comes when you have to hold your hands up and say you surrender....to yourself because you are the one making these wrong choices and running away from reality.

Anyway, i thank you for sharing your thoughts and am sure you help many lost souls by voicing yourself. Thank you.

Sandra x

I am an Addict.
An Addict that has been in remission for over 8 years at present.
Am i cured? Never.
Will i gamble again at some point? Probably.
Why?
Because im an Addict.

I will hopefully be in remission until the day i die, but i have to follow my recovery plan to arrest my illness forever because to not do so will impact on my mental health.
I could stop taking my medication & pretend i was never ill to begin with but i have witnessed many many people do that & all with disasterous results.

I could try & pretend that it was a financial issue that forced me to steal, lie & cheat my way through my wifes, childrens & parents love, trust & money, but that would be a lie & im done with doing that to myself.

I could blame it on the gaming industry or my environment. I could look to the unfairness i may believe has happened to me or how i should be afforded a great life without any effort on my part. But that way leads to resentment, bitterness & envy.

I could go back to attending the self pity party i held in my head every day but i didnt much care for the company i kept there.

Or i can continue to do what works.

I can live in harmony with my addiction for ever as long as i accept it is & always will be a part of me. From bitter experience i know to deny its existence makes it angry, when its being ignored & unmanaged it always comes back stronger.
So today i will focus on my life & not my life problems. I will embrace everything life has to throw my way & wring every ounce of joy out of it. I will be true to myself & honest with all those around me. Because when i have truth nothing can harm me.

One Breath
One Step
One Day At A Time

Hi Dan

I can't say i'll never not gamble again, but what I can say, is i'll not give up trying.

Gone are the days when I thought I was cured or I could deny what i was