My life with addiction

Hi Dan,

I have to disgress with you on gambling urges not existing.

i believe they definitely do exist and when they come they are real :)))

gambling is a selfish addiction and choice, drugs and drink are another ball game, but gambling can totally self destruct us, drugs and drink can be stabilised by medication, gambling can't (as yet) because it is a different type of addiction, and we cannot all put it down to mental illness,

Looking at my gambling past, I know it was for pure selfish satisfaction, yes a symptom, to why I gambled, but at the end of the day it was pure selfishness.

thanks as always for your wise words on this addiction, but remember dear friend, we are all unique on here in our own journeys, and our expectations and beliefs will be different, especially for the newcomers,

Warmest of warmest wishes dear Dan,

Suzanne xxx

Thanks for the comments all. My point was really about the urge not being an independent entity that stands alone without any driving force behind it. My opinion & experience of it is that addiction only exists when the user feels helpless to change how they feel or the circumstances which they find themselves in. So it isn't an urge to gamble per se but an urge to escape & forget for a few hours at least, which manifests itself in the form of gambling. I agree all of us addicts are different but none of us is unique on our need for the company of addiction. The chemical hook that you talk of half life is a very temporary thing. For the chemical hook of alcohol to leave an addicts system takes around10 days, for drugs around 7, so one would expect the time frame to not be too much different. So if the drive to use was about the way it made you feel whilst indulging in your particular addiction of choice, a period of say 2/3 weeks of abstaining should be all that is required to be cured for good. Yet people return to it time and time again, often after considerable amounts of time without using. This suggests to me it isn't about getting high but rather about not feeling low.

​

​

Yeah I would agree with dan. Would also say that the urges are 'real'.

Our mind (which don't forget is evolving and imperfect) craves the zone out/escapism of gambling. This manifests as urges.

I agree the underlying cause of addiction is repressed emotions- Although I doubt each urge corresponds directly with a repressed feeling/emotion.

I do find addiction very intetesting. In particular how I came to be addicted for 16 bloody years? ??!!!!!!

Hey Dan,

How are you doing, you have been a bit quiet, (mind you so have I ) lol

Missing your words of wisdom with your informative posts dear friend, ( even if I do dare to contradict 0))))

Take care

Suzanne xxx

I said in my new diary I can't go to GA because of my shift in work.. Having read your diary my mind has opened up and I can go to GA. While I can't go to the same meeting every week, I can go to a meeting once a week as my local group covers 7 days a week. So I may be going to different groups each week but I totally buy into your mantra and if its helped you then it can help me. Great diary Dan!!!!

Lol Dan, just checking you are ok. :)))

I would not have the patience writing posts on my phone either lol (and mine is a new phone0)))

I have the comfort use of my IPad, it's quick, easier and I can see the keyboard 0:))))

Enjoy your meeting xxx

Suzanne xxx

I attended an open meeting last night. Open meetings are where the compulsive gambler is presented with a medallion in recognition for the number of years gamble free. GamAnon members also attend along with friends and family and anybody else really who wants to go. Members are invited up to speak about both their gambling and their recoveries. It was fantastic to hear the therapies of those affected by living with an addict. How there lives have been traumatic because of someone else's action. How they have lived to tell the tale and come out the other side. I unfortunately had to leave 3/4 of the way through, but its something I won't forget. Both GA & GamAnon do amazing work. They both fix people & offer continued support to the addict and those caught in the chaos it creates all around them. Please, please if you're struggling to stop or have a loved one who can't seem to do it alone, get to your nearest meeting. It might just change all your lives

​

I have just driven past a bookies on an industrial estate!!! I'm not really usually bothered by their proliferation of shops as its not something under my control. But this seems a tad over the top. Supply & demand I suppose.

​

Bornagain wrote:

I said in my new diary I can't go to GA because of my shift in work.. Having read your diary my mind has opened up and I can go to GA. While I can't go to the same meeting every week, I can go to a meeting once a week as my local group covers 7 days a week. So I may be going to different groups each week but I totally buy into your mantra and if its helped you then it can help me. Great diary Dan!!!!

This certainly made me smile

thanks Phil

Dan

Fella thanks for the kind words upon my thread, they mean a great deal, you are right my friend what I invest in recovery reaps nothing but rewards.

Truly it's a commitment worth making

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

GT I'm not sure I or any other addict I have ever met can get on their high horse about morality, values and compassion. All the things I see people moaning about when talking of their dealers seems to me they are seeing things they don't like in themselves reflected back at them. Much easier to find fault in others than to look at oneself. I personally have done far more immoral things than any bookmaker has ever done. I never showed any compassion to my fellow sufferers while waiting for them to lose all their cash, before jumping on their machine. The only values I held were those that would benefit my need to use. My greed & desire to have everything in life with no effort were unprecedented by any gaming company. So I'm not better than them, I'm not better than anyone. I'm just me, I try to keep my side of the street clean today, what others choose to do with their side is entirely up to them. Who am I to judge

​

Wow Dan you sense me spot on :)) quite strange that you do in a way, but it is a very reassuring strange, that someone reads me lol.

Yes I have family issues going on and yes it is a struggle at this time to emotionally keep a strong head, am actually feeling quite depressed, guess you picked up on that too :))

Thank you so much for caring, understanding, and being sensitive, what a lovely kind man you are. ( and I really mean that)

An enormous vent may be coming your way very soon :))

Thank you again my friend, and thanks for being there.

Suzanne xxx

​GA has provided me.. with much over the years. I try to live by the principles of the 12 step program given to me for free by the good people there. I was reminded of this exercise within Step 4 while listening to someone who I sponsor share their working of it . It is part of priorities, something that sadly vanish from our conscience while actively indulging our addiction.

To My Family . There is nothing more important to a persons fulfillment than the family. Through the family one can satisfy all the basic needs of a human being. To love and be loved, to cherish and be cherished, to provide and be provided for, to give and receive, to feel wanted and feel needed. All the basic needs can be realized through interaction of a family who love one another. A. Write a short description of the love and caring you have for each member of your family. B. Write a short description of what you think each family member feels about you. Do you think these feelings are justified? C. Do you reveal (or show)by words and actions the feelings you have for each member of your family?. D. Are you responsive to their emotional needs. E. Are you responsive to the material needs of your family?. f. Do you share your thoughts and feelings with your loved ones and do you allow them to share their feelings with you? How do you do this?. G. What kind of example do you set for your children. Explain. H. What do you do to earn their trust?. I. Write a description that would best describe your family life. Do you think each member feels as though they are a vital part of it? See if you can determine whether each member enjoys peace of mind and happiness as a result of being part of the family. J. What do you feel you can do to improve the general well-being of your family.. Apologies for the layout (stupid phone is not keen on paragraphs) will try to edit later. One Breath. One Step. One Day At A Time

​

Total honesty to them and just as important total honesty from them to you.

Tough one there Dan in all areas :)) I wished it was simple and easy lol,

We tend to to not tell our kids stuff, because we don't want to hurt them, and vice versa our kids don't tell (confide in us) because they don't want to hurt us, viscous circle my friend, but I totally understand where you are coming from.

Big hard step for both sides, and in an ideal world it can be achieved, by all, we don't live in an ideal world sadly, and the older I get

the more I realise how vulnerable each and everyone is on this planet, and every single individual needs what you have written, to live a normal life,

Truth is life is going by so fast for everyone, not just CGs, we do need to get back to some old fashioned ways, family, loved ones, the 21st century is seeing us all on this planet, moving and being away from what really matters, and that is family.

Lovely post again Dan, (don't worry about editing it) your inspiration and wisdom will have hit home on here:)))

Yours and Duncs posts mean and say so much more underneath, they can only do one thing more

and that is hope, inspiration, and fight , important word fight, because we have to fight to keep strong in our true beliefs, (if that makes sense)

I find it hard when I read now on here, about peeps breezing through after a certain time of abstinence, ? I don't think any CG will ever get to the stage where they are able to breeze through life, (too much damage) maybe they are being kind to folks they post to, (I hope so) I don't believe in a cure or thinking it was all a bad dream, it was soo very real, hell Dan, it still affects members of my family (brothers) and certainly my OH, total honesty between us, but the aftermath had affected him too, it still goes on.

I am not blind, I have and can still see the damage it has done to him, he is as up,and down as me :00(((

I am telling you all this, because you and my other dear friends on here will understand.

Thanks yet again, (how many times today ) but I mean it, and an email will be coming your way (ohh no) lol, but I am ok, am dealing with stuff, but I am not stupid anymore I will take all the kind help that is offered, I have done since I started my recovery journey, and I know that as time moves on in recovery, I need/want to step up on my recovery even more.

Thanks YOU today for strengthening my resolve even more

Suzanne xxx

Step 8 of the GA Recovery Program

​Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all

Step 8 asks you to make yet another list. This is one to identify all those you have harmed, then, to become willing to make amends to them all

First on the list, put yourself, you should have no doubt whatsoever with this choice. You've harmed yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically and financially.

​Have you harmed family members, fellow workers, employers, employees, friends or anyone else?

​What is harm anyway?

​Harm seems to be abusing others and taking from them the right to lead their own lives. Family members loved us and we were unable or unwilling to return that love. Perhaps instead, we failed to provide adequately for them. Was that stealing? Perhaps as the addiction progressed, we stole anything wr could from our family or from anyone that was available.

​One thing is certain. We stole time and this can never be regained. Money problems will eventually be worked out but the time lost is gone forever. With the help of our higher power and the program working, one day at a time, we never again will lose time or money unless we choose to return to gambling. The choice is ours, to gamble and risk progressive deterioration or not to gamble and develop a better way of life.

​Did we lie? To whom and how much did we lie?

​Good judgment in making this list is vital. Do not assume harm. Look at each instance and list it if you feel you did harm to another. A good yardstick is to ask yourself whether omitting a name may later return to bug you. If yes, add that name. Lets say you wasted many hours at work as you waited and prepared your gambling action. Now in your new way of life, you can show your boss someone with a clear mind who can work properly giving more than the bare minimum expected.

​If goods or monies were stolen, all should be returned in a practical manner. Clearly you can not just hand over this money without endangering yourself or your family, but,maybe you might leave the money in an unmarked envelope to atone for the theft. So these harms should be listed. The method of making restitution will be determined in Step 9. To be forgiven, one must first forgive others and then one's self. Therefore don't leave off your list a person harmed but who had also harmed you. The entire aim is to set right the harm done -nothing else matters. This Step is starting your return to society. Properly done, all fear will dissipate and you will be free to talk and move about as a normal person.

​The list should include EVERYONE you have harmed. After having the willingness to make amends, you will be able to resume a beneficial role in society and your family life, usually for the first time in many years.

​One Breath

One Step

​One Day At A Time

​copied from Working the Steps with thanks to Gamblers Anonymous

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​