My life with addiction

Dan.

Fella a post containing nothing but a great deal of truth. I am an example of the point you make, I came here broken and willingly counted days, wore them like a badge of success, yet for more than 18 months I failed to address the problems in my life that led me to gamble.

The inevitable happened, addiction offered itself and I ran willingly to its open arms.

That day hit me hard,in truth my family harder, they wanted to believe that I was cured.

Today I know that I will never be cured I have stopped looking for one.

Today I believe that I am living in recovery, understanding it's power, the opportunity it gives.

Fella you do hold a torch, you are living proof of what can be achieved if recovery is the most important thing in life.

My friend I am all in.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks for the feed back one and all, especially Amom. We are all in this together surely and interaction from oneside of the fence to another can only help us all to find understanding from one human being to another, I am however a little perplexed. Whenever i write on here, you look back on it and think well thats either good or bad, people will identify and respond or it will be ignored. I dont write for response but its always nice to get one. The thing is i have written things and thought that will get people talking and had no response and then put out a post like todays which i thought didnt say a lot and get loads of feedback. I suppose folk only reply to stuff they feel comfortable with. Wouldnt it be great if we could create a forum of honesty, Where feelings could be openly discussed. If this was a place where a people could openly discusss how aadiction affected them and the people who are affected by it could discuss it to, them maybe we could create something greater than the sum of our parts. It is wishful thinking i know but just imagine what we could all acheive together if we were all prepared to commit to honesty and vulnerability with each other. What could be acheived if we stopped saying what we thought others wanted to hear and we began facing the truth. It could be amazing.

Thanks Dan for keeping an eye on me, and trust me I have your number close by if need be, :))

My recovery has taken a different route this week. (Which I will explain in my diary lol) but in short, my best ever friend (who now lives in Turkey ) came over to England and drove up from Portsmouth to see me for a few days, she arrived on Wednesday, (have not seen her since my recovery journey started) she came to see me as she was worried about me, but as the first hour of our meeting evolved, I sadly realised she needs more help than me.

She is quite a wealthy lady, only child, no children and no partner, she has property in Turkey, (nr Bodrum) Spain, and Portsmouth, but she has another kind of addiction, Alcohol dependent, I know she has always had a big problem in this area, but I did not know how much it had progressed until I saw her, and Dan I have been using my own personal knowledge with my addiction, to help her along with hers, She did AA for seven weeks at the beginning of this year here in England, and what made me sad was she never told me, but I now understand why she never told me, she drove back to Portsmouth yesterday and is flying back to Turkey on Wednesday. her addiction has made her physically, mentally and emotionally ill, just like gambling, but it has not by no means effected her financially like my addiction has with me. but money as we have learnt the hard way, does not make us happy, money can in no firm buy us happiness and contentment. I have spent the last few days giving her all my recovery knowledge and experience, and have not been even slightly wavered or worried about my own addiction, she needed my strength, if that makes sense, and I see another route now on my own recovery journey, where all types of addiction are very close by to each and everyone of us (if that makes sense my friend)

Your last post about day counting, and abstinence being different to recovery, was very inspiring to read, great post.

To be honest I don't know how many days now, until I check in on my diary (have an idea of course but not the exact day lol, but (lol) you know me, I will continue to put my day count on my diary post, not because I think it's a competition, there is no competiveness between CGs we are all one day at a time, but because when I first came to this site, the day count was very important the milestones were important for my recovery, seeing other diarists with their 50 100 plus days, gave me hope, determination, and something to aim for, so for me, I think by me doing a day count, can only encourage new members and members that have slipped, and even long term members, that we can do this, we can abstain and maintain, one day at a time,

In my experience of being on here, to count the days is very important in the early stages of recovery, I think it gives motivation, and it is a choice that we as individuals do to help us along.

Recovery is very much finding the right balance with everything in our lives, and I sure am working hard on that st this time,

Your support, help and wisdom, is helping me along more than you know :)))

Was supposed to be a short post, lol, work in strong progress with doing everything in moderation and finding the right balance.

Take care and keep safe.

Suzanne xxxxxx

Hey thanks Dan,

You are soo right, my kind of support was not what my friend wanted to hear, she wanted a magic pill, we know that does not work for any addiction, it has to come from within,

As you have probably gathered I luv a drink, but I don't drink to oblivion where it affects my every day life and wellbeing, (but I did with gambling) so the affects from both addictions, are so dangerously alike:(((

Am fine and feel quite strong within myself at this time, keeping one step ahead, and as always taking small steps forwards.no point in rushing through anything :)))xxxxx

PS yes spooky your post to our Junnieee,lol, xx

day@atime wrote:

This is not a competition. Abstinance & recovery are two very different things. I have seen people of many years without a bet have very little recovery in their lives, they behave the same way, their way of thinking has remained unchanged, they are still very much driven by their angers, fears & frustrations. The only thing that has changed is their bank balance. What this gives them is even more frustration at both their life & their perception of themselves. Why? Because they believed the lie of gambling addiction. That if they stopped gambling, if they had money in the bank they would find unlimited happiness. When this turns out not to be the case they are left angry & confused. Why isnt my life perfect ? I fixed what was wrong with my life didnt I ? I stopped doing the thing that was ruining my life & was reponsible for everything i didnt acheive or stopped me getting what i deserved. The lie of all addictions and why they are so comforting is that they allow you to place the blame elsewhere. It allows us to stay locked in our fears about our past, present & future. They allow us to fail or not even try to change the things we dont like about our lives or the circumstances we find ourselves in.

A common theme i hear in GA rooms is that , I thought i was different from everyone. That they were better or more special than everyone else, that there ideas & opinions had greater value & meaning than anyone elses. That if it hadnt been for this d**n addiction , they could have been something great, they could have changed the world with their brilliance. Trouble is, when you take your addiction away, you then have to justify those thoughts, quite a daunting undertaking.

Those that stop looking for blame at others doorsteps & accept its them that need to change how they view the world & their place in it are in a position to find recovery. Those who continue to try to control & make everything fit to their way of thinking & doing remain where they always were. Angry, frustrated & resentful.

This has nothing to do with how long you havnt had a bet for, but how long you stopped hanging onto your own way of thinking. I understand that this is predominatley a day counting site but why do you need to compare. Its great you havnt had a punt for x amount of days but why make it your focus, it serves little purpose other than to say look at me im amazing. It just screams out tell me how well im doing. Well all im saying is when recovery is your goal. You will not need the recognition of others on how well you have done.

This isnt to say you shouldnt be proud of how many days, weeks, months or years you havnt had a bet for, but it shouldnt be your focus. Its never about how long you have gone but about how far you have come. So share how things were & now are. What you are still struggling with, What you have comes to terms with. How you have learnt to move beyond a life consumed with addiction. Your daycount is irrelevant. But what you have done in those days is crucial.

I have gone off on a bit of a tangent there, but these thoughts were rammed home to me at my meeting this week. One fellow 5 years without a bet, his life in the same mess it always was. Nothing change beside his finances. He hasnt moved emotionally forward. Another member a month in, embracing everything that recovery has to offer. Challenging their thoughts & perception of themselves. Reaping the rewards of embracing a new way of thinking & living. If we bring that back to days. On the outside it would seem the chap with 5 years abstinance has acheived more. I would beg to differ.

One Breath

One Step

One Day At A Time

thanks for the thoughtful post Dan

The support you offer all of us on here is appreciated

Don't think the shame of my gambling will ever go away but that's fine by me, I earned than darn t-shirt & it is those memories that keep me safe!

Someone else has mentioned my sh177y childhood but I don't see it...I guess having lived alongside my sister's illness, I always felt like I was the lucky one! We were only little when she was told she was only allowed 1 chocolate bar a week...I'm not talking about a Kingsize Mars bar that she could have cut into a million pieces, I'm talking about a little tiny Breakaway, one bite per week :-0 I vividly remember a girl in my class, I wanted to be her for a while, she was clever & good @ games but she complained one day about having a 2 parent family...She was jealous!?! I had a fairly unlimited supply of chocolate, The A Team & The Dukes of Hazzard after spaghetti bolognaise & chips @ my Nan's on a Saturday, fish fingers in a carrier bag on the way to school, kidney & chips on a Wednesday & an awful lot of contact with my dear Aunt, not to mention holidays to Pontins & Butlins & camping & even Disneyworld once...I didn't want anyone else's life, I was happy with mine!

I don't mind hearing other people's views but it would take an awful lot to change my perspective on things!

Thanks for the lovely compliment though 🙂

Thanks all,

Imagine a dialogue between two parts of yourself. One part is the weak part that has bad habits, the other part is the strong part that wants to change(your active addicted self & your vision for a happier healthier self)'

Strong tells weak your really bad, This has got to stop. Dont do this anymore.

Weak is initially intimidated and for a while tries to follow strongs order(remission).But weaks experience is that of being bullied into giving something up that he believes is very important to him, something he believes gives him hope, without any regard for how that makes him feel to be without it. To weak it feels like it is all about strongs view of what is important, & so conciously or unconciously, rebelliously or not weak reasserts its needs by creeping slowly & quietly back in through old behaviours.

This in turn makes strong ever more exasperated, harsher. Which in turn pushes weak further into a corner feeling more deprived (relapse).

I cant ask my mind to give up addiction by just starving it(barriers). I need an emotional negotionation with it. I need to tell it we are in this together, that its needs count. I understand that i cant ask it to give up whats important to it without giving it something at least as important. In fact something that in time it will like even better in the long run. Im not talking bribes or treats but im talking about genuine satisfaction , of real needs, of full & purposeful lives & of a sense of self worth &satisfication (recovery).

One Breath,

One Step,

One Day At A Time

Fantastic post Dan, I am in the right frame of mind at this time to totally understand it :)))

I just wished I felt this strong and positive every day/week lol, there is no mistaking our recoveries, it's a hard journey, even more so as we move on, (for different reasons and self beliefs for all of us, we are all so unique) in our journeys to embrace recovery.

But we are doing it in our own ways, and I feel so humbled that I have you on my back showing me the the reality.

Thank you dear Dan, your post was just right for me at this time.

Suzanne xxx

Priorities

​How important to you is it to stop gambling? Why? A fairly simple question one would think, but one which few give much thought to. Where does stopping gambling lie in your list of priorities? If I asked you to write out a list of your priorities in life what would you write down as your top 5. There are no right or wrong answers but the order you put things in reveals many things about why you may be struggling to stay stopped. What order were they in while yo gambled. What order are they in today. What order do you think they may be in, in the future?

​

Wise words!
I will have to read when mist fully clears up but deffo understand the meaning you're getting through to us!

Keep it real dear friend

S x

I can't do it...I actually can't :-0 I know once I get my b*m on my work seat that I must prioritise else the important/less s**y stuff doesn't get done but I literally can't write down even 1 priority other than to not go back! Crazy huh? I guess I'm just a fly by the seat of my pants kinda gal & maybe that's something to work on! I have priorities set by my Nan, money related & expectations from my mum, money related but they hold no weight with me...So for today, my priority will be to figure out 4 more so that I have a top 5 & give myself something to get up for each day instead of just going through the motions!

Thanks for this one Dan 🙂

day@atime wrote:

Priorities

​How important to you is it to stop gambling? Why? A fairly simple question one would think, but one which few give much thought to. Where does stopping gambling lie in your list of priorities? If I asked you to write out a list of your priorities in life what would you write down as your top 5. There are no right or wrong answers but the order you put things in reveals many things about why you may be struggling to stay stopped. What order were they in while yo gambled. What order are they in today. What order do you think they may be in, in the future?

​

Wise words seconded. Thanks day@atime

My list of priorities is as follows.

1. To abstain from gambling.

2 . Myself & my program.

3. My family.

​4. My job/my vocation.

​5. My goals & aspirations

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Thanks for taking the time to support me. I really appreciate it. Your points and questions provoked a lot of thinking and soul searching and the result has been a bit more clarity. I'm getting there. Slowly and surely, but I'm getting there.

You obviously have a lot of insight and knowledge about addiction, behaviour and personality.Can I ask whether you have gained all this from GA? or have you done some specific training? Do you have a background in psychology? You're so insightful and thought provoking that I'm interested to know how you got to this point. It's like free therapy! Tell me to mind my own business if I'm being too nosey.

LifeBegins x

Have read a few posts lately on how people try to justify their gambling doesnt affect their children. The usual addict bull##it, bills are paid, they dont go without etc etc. All things i used to try & convince myself of when gambling. Here is my experience of it.

I have two children. One has lived with me as an active addict he is 15. The other is 10 & she has no experience of who i was. My 15 year old son has shown all the classic signs of someone primed for addiction. Sucked his thumb longer than was appropriate, bites his nails, was always easily frightened by loud noises & thrown by the unexpected. He procrastinates, leaves homework till the last second & will very rarely talk about how he feels. My 10 year old daughter does her homework straight away,i will ask her why she is doing it when it doesnt need to be in for a week, her reply is ,well its got to be done so i may as well get it out of the way then i dont need to worry about it. She discusses everything. She is patient, doesnt get upset when things dont go to plan. She adapts to whatever the situation requires. She is calm, content & comfortable with who she is, where as my son is anxious, slow to adapt outside of his expectations & generally over thinks his place in his environment.

Coincidence?? I think not.

A man walked down the road with his children. He spotted a hole in the road. He said to his children , be careful dont fall down that hole. His children replied, No you be careful because the path you take we will follow.

One Breath

One Step

One Day At A Time