My life with addiction

Possibly Tri. Im sure it will make its way to a more appropriate platform one day

Just wanted to thank you for your post to Tri. It was one of those that really hit home for me and I wanted to acknowledge it.

LifeBegins wrote:

Just wanted to thank you for your post to Tri. It was one of those that really hit home for me and I wanted to acknowledge it.

good discussion helps doesn't it?

I have seen many many hundreds of people come to their first meeting. In that first meeting we will ask them GAs 20 questions. A simple tool to ascertain where people are at with their gambling. There are only 2 questions i have heard every single person say yes too.
Question 4. Have you ever felt remorse after gambling.
Question 9. Did you often gamble until your last pound had gone.

What we like to do in the meeting I attend through our Step 1 work is put a little meat on the bones to these yes or no questions.

Question 9 is a series of war stories there is no arguement around it.

Question 4 ?
Well i said yes at my first meeting. Of course i did. I'm not a sociopath am I?

Society demands I'm remorseful for anything i do wrong isn't it? It's written into our very core that if we admit our remorse we will be given leniency. It is a get out of jail free card or at least a reduced sentance.

On closer examination remorse is very rately felt by an active addict. Self pity, fear of consequences, guilt & even shame are felt, but genuine remorse how our actions have impacted on others?

Even if remorse is felt its fleeting. Addictions purpose is to numb uncomfortable feelings. So paradoxically a feeling such as guilt or remorse, which in people with a normal way of processing emotions, is a learning, long term positive emotion, actually leads an addict to perpetuate more of the same behaviour, in order to suffocate how guilt & remorse make them feel.

Today I feel remorse for what i did. While practising an addiction led life. I felt f u k you. Just give me what I need to feel safe. My need is greater than yours. I really am not interested in how this makes you feel. I just want what allows me to function. This is the only way i know how to control how i feel inside.

Hi Dan

Interesting stuff. I'm pretty sure that addiction is all about repressing emotions

You've focused on remorse as its particularly apt to addiction, but addiction represses them all, even love and joy. Which is ironic given that we gamble to 'feel good'.

Learnings how to 'feel' feelings has been a revelation. It's not a thinking issue. I didn't really appreciate that feelings tend to have associated physical sensations kicking off around your body (clue's in't name).

From being an infant, when feelings overwhelm us, to adulthood, I learnt to repress quite effectively, to the point I didn't know what I was missing

Unwillingness to feel feelings leads to anxiety - fear of difficult emotions. It leads to an internal struggle and unnecessary suffering.

I think the mindfulness side of ACT is very good for helping you to feel feelings. It encourages you to expand into them, to sit with them. Not a solution in itself but allows you to pursue your values.

Louis

Gonna start with you Dan,

Ideal recovery? I don't think there is one. Recovery = life. Life dishes out some brown stuff alongside with lovely flowers too.
What are my expectations and what do i want?. I want more peace to settle this mind down while i go through this tough (in my eyes) path. I can't get it, because - such is life! We all will have some stressful times and lows on the way. I accept that and I'm not looking for an easy way out.
Gambling and daily life is related. Only yesterday actually thought about it, doesn't matter that I'm not looking for temp escape, gambling has shifted my personality a lot. I still gamble with life. I dive in in the unknown and deal with the consequences. Now, here is the key - the way i deal with them changed a lil. Not perfect and no way satisfying but at the end of the day - I'm here, I'm breathing and looking for the next challenge tommorow. It will be challenging because i have chosen this way.
Nothing comes easy & everything requires work. It pays off in the end and we, as human beings get growth, strength and more knowledge as a result. Life is continued development plan for our brain, it won't stop.

That's what i think. Hard times - keep walking..easier and more pleasant times - enjoy, they don't last forever ☺

Thanks for your post. Sorry if once again i come across as a princess expecting green grass everywhere i turn.

Addiction is still here, within me but i have more important issues to sort out - myself & my reactions to difficulties...work in progress

Best wishes to you & yours

S x

Great post in the f&f dan

The task lies ahead
It is the task that stimulates growth
And growth brings happiness
And happiness means love
And love is truth
And the truth will set you free

Dan...Thanks for your post on my diary a few days ago. I'll ask others but respect your input. How much effort (time and emotional) is required to fully work the steps. Appreciate it could be a "how long is a piece of string" question but don't want to go down the route of something I cannot fully commit to. Possible procrastination here but also trying to be realistic.

I have met many many people who tried to stop gambling & failed.
They all shared one common trait.
An inability to get honest with themselves over their gambling & their life.

So stop blaming your negative behaviors on gambling. Thats not gambling addiction, that's you!! You don't lie, cheat, steal & all the other numerous bad actions you do because you're a gambling addict. You do them because you are you! This is where recovery is to found- the changing of you. Nothing else works.

Take away the gambling from a person who is dysfunctional, lacks purpose & direction. Finds little joy in others, themselves & life itself. Then what are you left with? All those things are still there, they just don't gamble anymore.

Hey Dan,

True. Thanks! -joanxx

Hi Dan

Also agree and posted something similar on the other forum - that people sometimes refer to their gambling side as some other self or person. Jekylll and Hyde. In a sense, it's easier to build up some 'other self' and shift all your she ite on to that 'other', so that the real me, the born again me (who has now created another self I've offloaded all my unpleasant aspects to) can plunder on.

Not against this kind of mental gymnastics as such, if it works. But as you say, stopping gambling doesn't deeply transform you, as you're stopping a symptom, albeit a nasty one.

I get that people don't like this idea: it's not gambling..IT'S ME. After all, that's a pretty full on frontal attack. And it's a particularly scary thought when we've become so used to running away. Much easier to say I'm a great guy, I've just got this gambling thinhg. But I see it as offering hope. The shei'te that's been pushing those buttons has been there for a long time and needs dealing with.

Louis

https://youtu.be/rLHvyud1zYY
addiction summed up nicely

So why couldn't you have shown me that on day one ? We'd never have had a crossed then :((

Suits my intellect perfectly , laughed like a drain looking at myself :)) .

Thanks Dan x

Loved it. So simple, so true. Thanks x