My new recovery diary 2017

My first story for anyone who's reading ... this was 2014!

Hi everyone, I am new to this so please bare with me

my name is Reece I'm a compulsive gambler and I last bet was today,

this will be the 5th year that gambling has stuck with me and as usual as we all know it's the most disgusting horrible addiction

left feeling sick just want to curl up feeling suicidal just want someone to pull it away from you but just will not happen,

i started gambling at the age of 18 never knew anything about gambling just used to go in there but a football bet on which would be a pound or two on each bet totalling to a maximum of 10 pound wasn't something we needed to do was just something me and my friend done for the ****** every Saturday before we went to our own match to play was nothing serious I did t even know gambling could become an addiction, one day he phoned me saying oi Reece found this new thing in bookies on machine (didn't even know there was machines you could play didn't even see them when I went to do a football bet) I said ok let's check it out have a laugh and that, so we got there he introduced me to the game roulette showed me the in and outs put a pound in the colour put a pound on low high even odd bla bla so I span after I had my bet I put twenty pounds in the machine that day I'd won 120 pounds on this machine I thought bloody hell this is good went back home told my family was happy for me but they didn't know anything about it either so went again probably at the weekend went to put our footie bet on we put 20 each into same machine second time I played on roulette we walked out in half an hour winning 500 pound each we both looked at each other walking out jumped with joy thought this was free money couldn't lose as the weeks were going on and that's when I started to realise I started losing still didn't feel like I was addicted kept telling myself we'd win again and again and again from this day I wish I walked in and lost that 20 pound I done first off,

got a job with a family member hairdressing was good looking ahead thinking growing up got a job bla bla

Well I didn't reAlise I had a problem until I lost my wages for on an apprenticeship wage lost 306 in half hour and then the stealing out people's purses and tills I then was caught out and sacked by my own auntie how disgusting would of thought I learned my lesson by now I can't really remeber much since then part from the last year,up to debt now mum got me loan to pay back what I owed her and what payday loans I got I was single then so had no girl to answer to ,

im now in a relationship was doing much gambling but was still there in back of my head still do football bets but up the stakes to 20 40 pounds a bet!

i got in contact with a one to one councillor I got a job in London drylining earning some good money was happy with the pay but the debt still there paying out every week worrying about paying out not having much to myself and if you know Liverpool st there a few bookies round there so hardto keep away thinking I could get back what I payed out which is never the case making up excuses to girlfriend and mum that I couldn't go out because I had no money saying I left my wallet at work over the weekend things wasn't adding up feeling sick every time I had to lie every time i lost my money to money grabbers can't blame anyone but myself ! I had one blip while I was one to one counciling which I told my girlfriend I only done 200 pounds which she was ok with didn't go mad told her I wouldn't do it ever again any way​

Come up to Christmas 2013 week before lost all my wages and all money I had for Christmas pressies auntie lent me money to help 600 pound was lent to me got presents everything was good but still debt was there the worry was still there!! This is killing me

i got a rebate of 2and a half thousands had some money from wages so had about 4 grand in my account thought brilliant can pay this and this but that worrie of not having that amount after I've payed everything off was still there payed my girlfriend to go away this year was happy I done something for her come to her holiday she needed a bit of help for spending money two days before she went away I had 600 pound left to my name which would of been for her to take after I spent all that 4 thousand went to the bank asked for the money then I had that urge well I do this see if I can some more for myself she didn't know I done all that money so I had no choice to give her that 600 or she would find out I've done I was acting strange last few days she asked for a statement to see if I done anything wrong I refused and made bull**** up so she couldn't have one I thought she would let it go but she just wouldn't I had to tell her in the end I couldn't give her money on the holiday she was going to in a couple of days she went mental at me we couldn't be together all that stuff was heart breaking we are still together as I promised not doing it again and I went to ga but got a new job I got now can't always make it cause I do night work too ga is good for me but I haven't been for 5 weeks I lost another 400 pounds last week and the acting strange was happening again the guilt the worrie in case she found out again and would defiantly leave me statements were asked for again told her even more rubbish to get my self out of showing her one telling her if you can't trust me we can't be together the truth finally came out but she still sticking by me but even after that I still went on to gamble I feel like nothing is stopping me even the words from her if it happens again we are done for good I can't lose her she is my everything but the money I'm paying out is still a big worrie only 300 a week but still eating at me it's to family so it's not too bad of worrie! so now I need something which I can do by internet everyday chat rooms which you have on here which is great just talking bout problems and people who are going through what iam give me a reminder not to d o it please please help me guys I need this to happen

ive even now stolen money from my parents which I can't even think to what I've done just to try and get that money back I put 100 pound Into win 900 just to back in and now I'm chasing to get that back and the money ive stolen!

I'm sorry if a lot of this doesn't add up but I'm trying to tell you my story in a rush I'm not the best at wording things either!

Hi reece and welcome back.
The above story has probably been written a thousand time's on this website and it's not to dissimilar to my own.

We all start with the same.
How easy is this to win money stage.
Unfortunately that winning stage dissappears relatively quickly and we become full blown addicts chasing the dream of we did it before we can do it again.
The thing is the more we win the bigger the dream becomes.
And the bigger the losses become to.
We've all gone to great lengths to get our next fix or cover our track's. It's what we do next that becomes our defining moment
Do we stay as we were and just keep making empty promises to ourselves. Or do we work hard and do our best to build a life free from addiction?
The hard work starts now and it looks like you're up for the challenge.
All the best bud and well done so far
Keep fighting
Deano

I've started talking to a councilor ,and getting everything off my chest is great for it .my gambling has left me owing money and that's what woke me up with anxiety and panic attacks .

Yes totally I was at 4am the other day woken up I felt like I couldn't breathe!!

the anger inside me is what forced me back to gambling ,I convince myself that they have my money and I'm going to get it back .it never happens .reality hit home this Xmas when I decided to go online with 300 and started backing on virtual horses ,five hours later I had 8800 in account another five hours later I had 0 in the account ,gambled all night no sleep and had to go to work ,and then I asked for help ,I looked at my wife working hard to pay for bills and I was living a lie , this is a horrible addiction and I'm determined to beat it,

I don't think winning your money will happen unfortunately we all do that but we always give more to them it will never work, ask your self this as well if you won all that money back would you still want more I think you would!!

Day 9 my head feeling clearer and confident I won't gamble !!

Absolutey I could have got €20000 up that night and I would have gave it all back that's what scares me most

I've lost that over the years but for someone to win that then lose that in one hit I couldn't cope , thinking when I've done 2000 in one hit was bad enough but twenty grand I think I'd kill myself

It's scary then the panic sets in about what you just did and your thinking we're am I going to get more money ,if I had what I gambled over the last 8 years I'd safely say I'd have 200 k

Day 10 feeling good feeling better in my self!!

Sorry this is day 11 !!

I'm on day 13 now I feel so much better my moods are better still up and down but ATM mainly up ! X

Day 14 still feeling good

Day 16 urges are there but gone after being on chat