My recovery diary - Last bet 18/02/2012 - Forwards and upwards

Wilsy,

Great news about the counseling. I wish you the very best. So many people have taken a real interest in your diary because you come across as a genuinely nice person.

I wish you well.

Tomso.

Thanks Tomso. I will always be honest and speak my mind. My mum has often told me not to tell all and sundry my past and problems but I can't help it, that is me and hopefully that is why I am liked.

I am pleased I joined this forum and I will stay here always. Today I noticed I needed good help mate, I don't feel comfortable in my skin and I don't feel a mentally well person at times. I will continue the fight because I deserve better like we all do and I will get better.

Speak tomorrow or over the next week mate

Wilsy

wilsy. Today you have unlocked the door to a gamble free life my friend i was there in your shoes 86 days ago. To admit that gambling has got you licked is the begining fella now take all the help that is there for you andy and embrace your new gamble free life a better life and because you want it. The rest will follow you are a brave man to bear your soul and i hope you continue to inspire many others through your own courage. And me i will be here every step fellow crusaders on our gamble free quest. Duncs stepping forward.

20TH OF APRIL 2012 - THE FIRST DAY OF MY LIFE AND FIRST FULL BET FREE DAY (So far).

Cheers Duncan mate.

Today is officially my first day again. I wanted to completely start a fresh new chapter as I have been gambling on and off over the last ten days, maybe to just get rid of my money which is what I have done (£1,000) and because I relapsed in the first place. Now I feel I can get my head down because I can't gamble anymore because the money has gone and I can rest my mind.

Today I have £6 in the bank, I am lucky I am living back at Mums, unfortunately I have broken up with my girlfriend but I have a Councellor now to look forward to seeing, I am hopefully going to be diagnosed to see if I am struggling with depression and I now know, I can't do this on my own. On pay day finances are going to my step dad, I will put blocks in place with the shops and in 3-4 months time, I cannot wait to see what I have saved, I might even go on a lads holiday again in September at the age of 36! lol

I am very unmotivated today in myself and feel depressed which worries me and my work is surely struggling being in sales but maybe I need to look at work next and consider a career change.

I value everyone's continued comments, just need to sort out my messed up life at present.

Hi Andy, thanks for your post, looks a very similar story to mine, I know if I don't gamble on the machines I can soon stack up some money, we have to be strong.

The 20th April 2012 is the begining, it's no good looking back at the past what is done is done, so lets just look to a better life and future, I am sure if we can stop this we will feel so much better, its the gambling that causes the depression, highs one minute and lows the next, we count our winnings and try to forget our losses.

Last night I went into LB and in 1 hour lost £500. Mortified. I think thats when I hit rock bottom

We can do this together, try to keep positive, let me know how the sessions go with the councilor.

Thanks Julliette, Yes we can do this together, i will let you know how the sessions go, just waiting for a time and date at the moment.

x

Thanks for the encouragement on my diary.

I am in the process of reading though your diary, as I do find that in the early days of quitting I need to spend a lot of time here, reading and reading to stop me thinking that I can win what I've lost back.

It was only a few hours ago that I was piling money into the roulette in bookies, but it seems so long ago - it was as if I was detached from reality.

I have been completely the same as you mate, throwing hundreds at horses and dogs, just to get rid of the dam stuff. I could easily go and have a bet now but I must draw the line somewhere.

Keep trying Paul, we're just struggling at present but it won't always be like this

DAY 2 Today

Well, nothing planned really, £1.00 in my account, I have a PS3 downstairs, been meaning to play Uncharted 3, really enjoyed playing the first installments at Christmas so if can be motivated, will give it a go. Football games on later, reflecting on the cr** week at work I have had and am determined to relax this weekend, so can make a better effort on Monday with it, just feel like I am mentally drained at the moment and would die for a few months doing nothing but fishing 🙂

Not heard from anyone regarding councelling sessions yet, maybe they can't find anyone to help me, now that wouldn't be very funny.

Wanting the months to pass by to be honest, want to be 90+ days gamble free and would like to be back home with Jo, not happy about being away from her, I do miss her but if I am to go back, I need to be in a better place with myself first. Something to aim for, I just hope the door isn't shut.

Have a good day everyone.

Good morning young Andy

A few months fishing, maybe the new cure for CGs, wonder if it will catch on ,lol

As for the councilling probably takes a few days to sort out, think this site shows us there are lots of us out there. I had counciling , and was put on medication when I was in rehab. Must have worked to a certain degree as I stayed clean for 5 years. Although I only took the anti depressants for 6 months, the shortest amount of time they said i would need to take it to be effective.

Looking back on it, I was really quite ill, and my time spent there did a lot to help me come to grips with reality and changed my distraughted view of things.

I reget not continuing on, once I left , I did attend GA for a good number of months, but struggled with the sameness week in week out. Unfortunately this site was not about then.

I hope your appointment comes along quickly for you, and gives you a greater understanding of yourself.

I know it's difficult to stay positive all the time, we all have our ups and downs. You are fighting this, you have already put things in place to help you.

So stand proud, and stand shoulder to shoulder with me , as we both make the choice not to have a bet today. The future is not here yet, it is only today that we need to get through.

Stay strong, my honey,

Dusty

Keep going Andy, sorry to hear about your recent blow out, these things happen to the best of us. It'll be a 100 days before you know it. Keep really strong and busy, keep positive and don't give in to those demons, life from now on becomes better and better, Steve.

Hi Wilsy,

Have just read your diary & I too have relapsed after nearly 80 days or something I am on Day 5 now & this is so hard,all I can say is that I am trying to hod onto that great feeling when life is normal & we are not gambling, stay strong my friend dont look back look forward....

Cheers Steve and Andy.

When I went 46 days, I felt in control but now that seems such a long time ago. I know I will get there again but at the moment it is only because I am skint I think that I am not self-destructing and punishing myself even more.

Watching the Man Utd vs Everton game can't believe it is 4-4, really good game.

Tomorrow back to work, dreading it really, hopefully I'll hear from someone re seeing a councellor, need to talk to someone soon.

Pay day a week tomorrow, I think it will cheer me up a little knowing I have money again even if I am going to hand it over to my parents.

All we can do is keep fighting but today is 3 days without a bet.

Hi Wilsy,

Great coming back to your diary and reading some truly positive things happening for you.

I think every single one of us has our own slightly different story, and I also believe every single one of us has their own path to recovery. Some of us will need regular GA meetings, some will need a daily diary, some will need constant support from family & friends, some will need a combination of every one of these.

All that really matters is that we beat this. It is brilliant that you have taken your next step with the counselling. Im also really pleased to see you are now 3 days bet free again. This is your time buddy do yourself proud!!

Flagg

Yo,

Just a quickly to say hope work is not too bad. Chin up

Hope you get some news over the next couple of days about your counciling, if not stay strong.

Keeping my beady on you, hugs

Dusty