My recovery diary - Last bet 18/02/2012 - Forwards and upwards

Day 4 - Slipped up today, balls, t**s, drat, pants!

No damage done, well £50 damage but stopped, which I am pleased about, not going to beat myself up the first two weeks is always hardest.

Start again tomorrow. Stay positive

Hi Wilsy,

Your last few posts have hit a nerve with me. I too lost fairly big... got out of jail for the time being, then gambled again..... I was lucky that last time, I went to -120... then won 100.... only 20 down, then like you, I stopped.

My problem was I thought... a little can't hurt, and what if I win...? but if I had not won the majority back... how much would I have put in to try and get "the majority" back?... it could have been ugly... and that is why even £10 is to dangerous...

We cannot win because we cannot stop... well I know I can't... I got lucky that a bit of sense came over me at just the right time...

Hope you can remember that one bet can only lead one way.

Still here, still struggling, still determined.

Jon

Andy.

Interesting reading your last two posts.

For the greater good i have a few questions.

Did you tell your g/f you kept a ton??

Does someone have possession of that credit card??

Does it matter what job we have? Whilst at it, are we being fair to ourselves and more important our employer??as we throw sick days and work becomes secondary to our addiction.

And my final question is this.

Do you want to abstain from gambling.??

I totally agree the first weeks are hard,the brain formulating bets the monkey on your back telling you it will be different this time.

There is an answer.

Get help.

There is a triangle.

Time -Money -Location.

It works Andy you take one away the punt becomes impossible. By carrying cash you give yourself the opportunity.

Time is difficult. If the money is there your addiction finds time to blow it.

Location, did you self exclude?? You talked of it,but i don't know if you did.

Ultimately it is your choice fella,me my hope is you see through your addiction And the horrendous,terrible damage it causes.

Example.

How will you pay your dad back??

Win it??

You did fifty quid of his money doing that yesterday.

I cannot win because i cannot stop.

The religion of the at it compulsive gambler.

I did win because i did stop.

The word of the arrested compulsive gambler.

And to boot,the lying stops,work improves,relationships improve and in general life improves,oh and a guaranteed 100% payrise.

Get help to do something amazing today.

Your friend and fellow compulsive gambler

stepping forward never back.

Duncs

Day 1 today

Thanks Jon and Dunc I will try to answer your questions now Dunc.

No I didn't tell my girlfriend because of the addiction, us gamblers think of ways of feeding the beast I have been gambling again for several months now so I am going to be in a severe state of continous gambling spells.

I have possession of my credit card as I believe it is up to me to be controlled with it and I have been up to last month and will be again and it's cleared.

Yes it does matter what job we have you don't know anything about my work to comment even though I know you are trying to help but I understand all work improves once life is better away from gambling. Work I agree does become secondary to our addictions I know that.

As my diary says I believe up to know that no I haven't truly wanted to abstain from gambling and the addiction is still telling me I don't but I do deep down which is why I am still fighting to stop even if just for short periods every day without a bet is a winning day.

The first weeks are hard but I'm starting again and this time I'm going to try harder.

I understand about the triangle thing but until I completely want to astain then I will always keep the triangle open. I will always have time and money and the location is always accessable it's up to me just to not do it, it's simple but still difficult.

I'm paying my dad back £100 a month that's been agreed the £50 I lost was £45 of mine which cleared from a withdrawn sum left in an online ********* account I only lost £5 of his.

I know you are trying to help but I didn't expect so many questions from you and my situation can't be explained but please do keep posting you are helping and you have made an impact on me today to be resilient.

Duncan all I can say is internet gambling started with me before Christmas because I got brought a new computer. I am excluded from all bookies I now need to block my computer to protect myself.

This is where I aim to make a difference thanks to you my friend, I am going to go on a long no betting run of days, I am determined not to let myself down anymore and make everyone proud.

Today I have no urges I am smashing sales today and everyone is congratulating me and this is because I now don't want to gamble again, this is it I hope, I new life starts again now!

Onwards and upwards.

Thanks Duncs mate

Andy

thanks for responding to my post fella those questions were for you to know the answers to not me.

For me we connected on the 18th February last year and i simply wish you the same today as i did then.

To find a way that suits you.

Fair to say we shared some ups and downs in our time.

I wanted to show you i suppose how the penny dropped for me.

See the opportunity to borrow your way out of trouble ends eventually.

I simply wish this is the last time it happens to you.

Give yourself a 100% payrise. Just for today.

My friend, i say the things i do from the bottom of my heart.

There is a way and you are not alone.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

You smash those sales fella.

Hi Duncan, We did connect mate and you mean alot to me, you have been a shining example to so many, i just think all your questions at a time when I am going to be out of work soon and at a time when I am disappointed at what I have allowed myself to do over the last several months hit a nerve but in all honesty I know you speak from the heart, just everyons situation is different and it isn't easy for anyone. I know now that my addiction is strong due to the difficulty I have in really wanting to astain from gambling, my addiction now is still telling me I want to gamble I might always be like that I must just not gamble.

I do want to stop for myself ultimately mate, I know I can do it but for how long, that depends on me. I won't blow the money that was lent to me, I am determined not to let my dad down, he has given me a way out and it will only come at a cost of £100 a month for 10x months, I should count myself fortunate.

I owe it to myself to block my computer from sites as the bookies are no longer a magnet to me and in a few months time I won't even think of going on there to gamble. I will from next month go back to paying my wages to my gf but I've paid my CC off this month and have enough to get by.

You are my pal and I really appreciate your comments. You watch this run that I am going to go on, you've kicked me up the a**e with your questioning and now I'm going to do it.

One day at a time

Day 2 - My first weekend

Here I am then, in doors, it's raining outside and is cold, upstairs in my room living at my parents, with a new computer and access to gambling accounts. What I want to do is get some blocking software if there is anything I can download for free, can anyone send me a link?

I might post on and off today while I fight the urges. I'll have time today and money and I'm in the location to bet so I must be resilient. The voice in my head will be saying, 'Go on transfer £50 it won't hurt, you might win £20' but I'm going to ignore it, I know if I did that I wouldn't be able to stop.

I'm going ten-pin bowling tonight at 8pm for my step-dads birthday so looking forward to that and the football starts at 3pm so that will get m through.

Hoping to report at the end of the day that I have got through as I do want to abstain from gambling now even through my addiction Is trying to make me feel like I don't

Hi,

I use K9 blocker for free, put in a random password or ask someone to put the password on for you.

http://www1.k9webprotection.com/

otherwise betfilter is free for a month

Stay strong

Paulds

Hi Wilsy,

The only free block I have used is K9 which is basically a parental filter, where gambling sites among others may be blocked.. but if you use this you MUST get somebody else to put it on with an email address you DO NOT KNOW.... I did find my way around that but it took me a while and gave me a break.

Now I useTxnogam... which has a 28 day free trial. It works for me. You can choose "forever" or 10 or 5 days cooling down period if you try to uninstall it. It does close down your browser sometimes when not necessary... eg type " gambling" into search and it closes... but you can contact them and they will sort it out if the site is safe and they respond pretty quickly to this. It cost me £20 for life... I think. Here is a link. http://www.plevna.f9.co.uk/block-gambling-with-txnogam.htm

Hope you are well

Jon

Hi Paul and Jon,

I've made a massive step today K9 is now installed and it works. I don't know the password and feel so happy!

Good bye internet gambling! I never used you before until I excluded from the bookies but you've hi-jacked my best intentions, made me lose lots of monies now you can d one! Get out of my life you drain on society!

Awryt wilsy hope u are bet free today,thanks for your post on my page and hopefully we can keep a eye out for each other during our recovery as we f@cked up at the same time! 😉 today was easy for me because I was working all day but the thoughts wer still there.am happy tho to say its my 2nd day bet free but wish it was more but al never give in to this horrible illness! 🙁 i really have to make this work this time or things at home could get messy.hope u enjoy your bowling mate. Take care and keep in touch.jst for today I will remain bet free for a better tomorrow. 😉

Scottyboy

Hi andy, thank you for the post I am so glad I am still here as it means I havent given up trying to beat this nasty sneaky addiction . Sorry to read about your recent slip, but nice to see you got back up from it and are prepared to try again. The key thing after a slip is to learn something from it. They say the first sign of madness is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. !! I learnt that if I cant place one single penny on gambling because the washing machine cycle begins all over again. Win lose lose lose win chase and repeat untill head is done in. You have done it before you can do it again. Take care andy and I wish you courage and determination to beat this again . Blondie

Hi Wilsy,

Well done 4 staying strong 2day and 4 installing the software that is a positive step 🙂

U can do this, take it one day at a time!

Have a gr8 nite 🙂

Andy

look what difference a day makes.

My friend today i take great heart from reading.

You did good fella, today you did something amazing for yourself.

Inspiring. Well done from me.

Tomorrow was bettered by todays action

Duncs stepping forward never back

Day 2 well done wilsy mate keep up the great work