My recovery diary - Last bet 18/02/2012 - Forwards and upwards

Hang in there Wilsy,

Thanks for dropping by and putting those kind words on my diary. I hope things settle down for you a bit, sounds like your having a tuff go right now. Were all tangled up in this madness of gambling together, so it's great to support on another. Stay strong and true to yourself, I'll keep in touch with ya.

Chicagoguy

DAY 4

Thanks Chicago guy for posting on my diary and offering your support.

Had to sell the old banger last night for scrap for £150, so have no car but believe my parents will help me out to buy another banger for £500-1000.

I have given £100 to my stepdad towards the rent for March, I will still be £200 short and I need to pay the other £50 into my account to cover my car insurance policy which I am going to have to keep going so when I get a new car I can just get a new quote and maybe some money back if the engine size is considerably smaller.

Got the doctors tomorrow going to tell him everything. Apart from being a compulsive gambler which I know I am I do feel that I might have an underlying depression problem, which directs me to participate in gambling activities when I am low and seeking a place to escape. I will see what he advises but could probably do with some pills to get me through the next few months so I can give my all to my new job.

Gutted about the money I will owe and need to pay back on a low salary of 17k a year but that's my fault and I need to be responsible and pay everything back to those that have helped me.

Trying to remain positive in 2-3 months times I will be back to square one but I've pleased in a way I can't gamble and I am getting help.

I've just read my last thread and have noticed I have robbed myself of a day. I'm 5 days gamble free today not 4, what a bonus! 🙂

Wilsy,

I was just about to leave a message on your diary when I noticed the "Day 4" and started to doubt myself. I thought I had added a day. Anyway, we are both on day 5 and you must admit those five days have flown by. For me they have went without any trouble and I cannot wait for the days to become weeks and the weeks to once again become months.

Sorry to read about the car situation but my wife always tell me that things happen for a reason. Maybe you have gotten lucky with this. Perhaps your car might have passed the MOT and then things might have gotten very expensive after this with repair after repair. Trying hard to find the silver lining here buddie.

Tomso.

DAY 6

Thanks for your message of further support Tomso.

You are right about the car and even though they are reluctant my parents are going to help me to get another one. They are wanting to buy one for as little as they possibly can maybe up to a grand maximum but that's fine by me, I would be truly grateful if they could do this for me. I've got to get one soon I start my new job on Monday.

Feeling a bit better today. Had a doctors appointment at 8.40am and I have now been prescribed anti-depressants. I understand I might not see any effects for 2-3 weeks and I will need to be reassessed in a months time but I feel so much more optimistic that this hopefully will be the beginning of feeling more myself again. Someone will get in touch with me in 2-3 days to see what support I need counselling wise. Part of me thinks I have remained depressed since I was first signed off with depression at 24 (13 years ago). I understand my gambling problem contributes to my depression but even when I have gone 2-3 months gamble free haven't felt any better as a person and feel that there is an underlying problem in my head.

I even brought a book today even though I don't read I'm going to give it a try. I got 'Cloud Atlas' as I would like to see the film.

The only thing bothering me today is this bloody internet, it's so bloody slow and it does my nut in, so am going to leave it there!

Hi Wilsy,

Nice to see your still around. I can relate a lot to your post today, i started taking anti depressents about 3 weeks ago now i put pride before my health for far to long, i always seen it as a sign of weakness to take medication (think i get that from my dad lol ) but its actually a sign of strength and sometimes our bodys just need that kick start to get back on an even keel.

Well done on taking that step to get yourself back to where you want to be mentally, that will only strengthen you to keep fighting.

They will take a few weeks to kick in as you probably know already my doc advised that i should take them for a minimum of 6 months and should not just stop taking them as it can cause a relapse later on and its sometimes worse than the original bout of depression.

Keep going wilsy your tackling lots of things at the moment things will get better.

Take care

Blondie

DAY 7

Thanks Blondie. I have had a migraine all day today and yesterday I had a headache. I am wondering if it's because of the anti-depressants, it says in the instructions that headaches could occur. I have a month's worth and have to go back in 28 days to see the doctor again. I have been told that I will probably need to take them for 8 months min, maybe forever. We'll see how it goes.

A week up today no gambling. Got a loan to get a car just have to find one by Monday which won't be easy.

Feeling more optimistic but still lethargic and don't want to do much.

DAY 8

After another great, deep sleep I need to find more motivation into finding a new car. I have only today and the weekend to find one before I start my new job on Monday. I am a bit nervous in all honesty about going back to work again. I haven't worked for a month and don't really feel motivated to work but I'm sure a few days in I will feel different, sitting at home can't be healthy.

No gambling thoughts and am pleased to have gone 8 days gamble free. Long my it continue.

Wilsy,

Keep making the choice to better your tomorrow my friend, and I am sure once at work you will find your mojo feels more upbeat.

Just for today No bet does without doubt better our tomorrow.

Hope you find some decent wheels, dont buy on impulse, take your time there is always thebus or train!!!

Duncs stepping forward never back.

From a fella who has never driven a car in his life, but cycled twenty odd miles a good few times in the past, through doing my money in our friend the bookies!!!!!

No more!!

Hi Wilsy

Good luck with your car hunting. I have been off work since Christmas so I know what it is going to be like to return!! However, it will bring about some more normality which is what life is all about for me at the moment - feeling "normal" again.

Hope you manage to sort it before Monday - I will say a prayer for you.

Stay strong and remain focused and gamble free.

Take care.

Feb.

DAY 9

Thanks for such a lovely post FEB, I will post you back on your diary later, just taking the new car out. Got a 10 year old ford focus estate for £1350, I few knocks and scrapes but it's the engine and mechanics which are more important, I am just pleased to be mobile again.

No thoughts of gambling going to remain strong.

DAY 10

Double figures today and remaining strong, I don't want to gamble and will keep reminding myself it is in my past and how I don't want to go back to it.

Took my new car round my dads to show him, he liked it.

Start my new job tomorrow so need to do some ironing after the footy and go to bed early.

Wilsy,

Good luck with the new job tomorrow. I hope everything goes well.

Tomso.

DAY 11

Thanks Tomso. The first day at work was okay. Didn't sleep much maybe 3 hours so am very tired now. Got lots to take in but at least I'm back in a job, just hope I can do it.

No gambling thoughts, no time, no location and no money 🙂

Well Done Wilsby.

Keep going strong.

Feb.