My recovery diary - Last bet 18/02/2012 - Forwards and upwards

Hi Wilsy, sorry to hear that you are feeling so down at the moment. I have hit a low point too but you should take a lot of strength from your successful battles against your evils. You are doing great to abstain from the gambling, you are doing what you need to do and what you have learnt to do in order to keep it that way. You are right that it is a long battle and you have made such a wonderful start, stay strong and try to cherish the feeling that this gives you.

I can't offer advice about the want to buy all the time, I wish I could! I did enjoy creating my own list of rewards for successful abstention though and can't wait to finally buy some stuff. I rewarded my 5 days with a tub of noodles from the Chinese take away and it tasted great.

If I step back to look at your situation then my observation would be that you are going through a transformation period, you are joining normality again and normality isn't always so thrilling, especially when you have so much rebuilding to undertake at the same time whilst working a job that you struggle to tolerate. I wonder if you miss the buzz, the excitement, those chemicals swishing around in your brain, the escape. Well we can find these in different ways, natural ways such as your fishing. Find some more ways Wilsy and things will be much easier. I must do the same and until I do, nothing will ever change as I keep leading myself back down the hole again through my dissatisfaction, whether it be my work or personal life. Can you take your work out onto a boat whilst you fish? ; )

Just my thoughts so take what you will. I'm not feeling particularly inspired today either so you are not alone.

Speak soon buddy

DAY 30 - NO BET TODAY

Hi Alexis mate, sorry I didn't get back to you yesterday, I hope you are ok and feeling a bit better today?

I feel better today, felt awful Friday and Sunday dealing with these withdrawals I guess, head all over the place but I know now I need to change my work.

Thank you for your feedback, you are very helpful to me and I appreciate your help and support.

I do take great pride from the fact I have gone 30 days now without a relapse. I pray I don't ever relapse but that isn't fair on myself to say I never will, I just don't know, I just have to remain strong and just saw no to my urges, I think really that's all it comes down to, being strong enough to just say no. Yeah we'll feel s**t, moody, emotional etc but it's our choice, we all need to be strong enough to reject those urges to gamble. I pray I can keep it up into a second month.

This compulsive buying is in my way I suppose a way of dealing with something I used to enjoy doing being taken away from me. It is compensation for not having a bet anymore and for this month only, I have told my girlfriend I am not saving but instead am going to spend my wages on buying myself things and doing things I enjoy doing. I am on my own staying at my mums again, I suppose it's sort of a holiday 🙂

You are exactly right, I am going through a transformation period and am thinking straight again. I am now looking at changing my work situation, because I know it makes me unhappy. Then I will move back to Essex to live again with my girlfriend to see if that still makes me feel happy.

I've got my fishing and football, I guess that ain't bad, I just need to start socializing again, I don't seem to interact with my friends as much as I used to, instead keeping myself to myself.

How has your day been Alexis?

I will make a comment on your diary now.

All the best

Andy

Hi Andy, many congrats on the 30 days. Here's to the next thirty years free from gambling. Wouldn't that be something.

Love to read diaries of those who are winning their personal battles. We all have off days. it's the abstaining that counts until we permanently see things in a way we used to before gambling.

Hi This time User

Thank you for your thread mate, I will read yours in a second.

30 days eh, I think I have gone longer in the past at the beginning of my relationship with my current girlfriend but not sure by how much. I would love to reach 100 days that is my first target, 30 years would be amazing mate, I am 36 now, so yeah that would be good. How's about you, how long have you gone now?

I have so many off days, I think gambling when I did it and lost made me miserable now it is work. Finances are fine thankfully not in debt and have savings, I just want to be happy in life and enjoy work not hate it.

Abstaining is the key isn't it, if I can fight these urges every day they pop up, then in a few months, they should start to fade away. All I know is I don't want to throw 30 days away now.

Cheers matey

DAY 31

Today still can't be interested with work, I have gone beyond a point and I now want to leave on the last day of this month, once I have been paid. I will seek new employment either in East Sussex or Essex with the support of my girlfriend. Now I seem to be focused and the gambling has stopped, I now need to deal with the one major downer in my life at the moment, which is work. I am positive about this changes need to be made for the better and no better time than now.

Booked appointments for the dentist, long overdue and my teeth are hurting now, need fillings I know that, one of them a route canal.

Going to go and watch Crystal Palace play tonight, should be saving a bit really if going to be quitting my job but sod it, need some more enjoyment.

Hopefully I won't have had a bet by the end of the day, have no urges too.

Strength and honor to all of you today

DAY 32 done and dusted no bet today

Not much to report today, happy my team won last night, made the trip up to Croydon worth while and the expense (£45 in total).

Work was ok today, the weather was glorious and reminded me how lucky I am to work from home, I can take moments out to sit in the garden 🙂

No thoughts of any bets today, in fact the beginning of this week, I have felt particularly strong.

Looking likely I will extend my stay at my mums for another month, not for any particular reason apart from being happy here and getting back to my old self. My girlfriend is in support of that, she is happy with how I am progressing and even said I sounded more myself recently, even though I am still moody.

The mist is clearly but I have a long way to go but today I will celebrate 32 days without having a bet 🙂

Hi wilsy

thanks for the supportive comments on my diary. 32 days sounds good! can't wait to get there and wave at u on 60 days! Not gonna lie did not make it to the GA meeting partially because of distance but mostly because I'm so happy with my new life (I know only 2 days in) that when friend came round with a bottle of wine and some gossip I couldn't resist! I might give it a go I'll see if I begin to struggle but at the moment the people on this site inspire me enough. I'm a bit drunk now if honest and while i'm not going to gamble staying on the computer means il probably write something really stupid on facebook so I'm going to sleep but a big CONGRATS to your 32 days!

With thanks, admiration and support

Becky

(Scampimus)

Hi Becky thanks for your comments, means lots.

DAY 33 DONE - NO BET TODAY

Similar day as yesterday really, not had any urges, not left the house, work has been cr** today, no sales unlike yesterday but the one thing it has reminded me is, that I need to move on and look for another job.

On a whole pleased with how things are going and delighted I still have plenty of money left in the bank 🙂

See you all tomorrow, stay focused everyone, it is our decision if we gamble or not and nobody forces us to.

Hi

Thank you for your comment. Mark 117 sadly passed away this week. Hhis thread is the most inspiring I have ever read if you get the chance you should read it.

It shows you someone who reached rock bottom and through such determination turned it around.

TAKE CARE

Dusty

Hi wilsy

Believe it or not I was just bout to post on ur diary main reason I noticed u post on others and support , we all need the support we can get , I agree it's so difficult to read everyones diary as there are so many I will take the time and av a good read through urs but for now just wanted to say thank u for ur support to everyone on here be proud of urself

Castle2

Thanks for letting me know Dusty, I have just left a comment but will look back at his inspiring diary and take confidence and strength from him. Hope all is good with you, I have read your diary and you are a strong character, very caring.

Hya

I need a new job too 3 days a week wage while gambling was pretty irrelevant as it felt like i'd always be in debt anyway but now I've got plans, want to save for a new car and stuff. Hearing you say I'm not a serious case was the best news I've had all week! When I was at my worst I thought I couldn't be nearer to rock bottom but now I feel like I was just a few steps in and with a bit of help and a lot of determination I won't ever fall back under. It's thanks to people like you and all the others on this site for sharing your experiences and inspiring me to not make the same mistakes and learn from your successes so thanks!

Really sorry to hear about the loss of a member. We should all keep in mind that life is short. If we are given the opportunity to live when some are tragically taken then we owe it to Mark to live happy and fulfilling lives.

Becky x x

(Scampimus)

Hi Becky,

You might of gambled more then because you only worked three days, live your dreams, go arrange those plans, get yourself 5 days work a week, when you start earning more money you will feel more satisfied. I think because I have lost lots in the past I don't value what I earn now, but since I have stopped gambling, I have already began to appreciate how much money I now have left over and that I can do quite a bit with it and pay day isn't far away :-).

I hope I have made you feel happier, you give me the impression you are quite a young lady and just touched the surface with your gambling but because of your intelligence and because you are sensible, you have noticed you have a problem early and are dealing with it before it is too late. Its sounds to me as if you aren't in debt or are not much in debt and don't have any loans to re-pay, so well done if that is the case, you probably just gambled with some control but blew what you should have enjoyed after your outgoings. I always paid my way, bills and never borrowed of loan companies or used cards, what frustrated me was I would blow whatever I had left over instead of enjoying it or saving it.

I think me and you will love fulfilling lives. Just keep updated your diary every day for now, do what you are doing and in 3-6 months time, you may even only need to come on here once a week but keep one eye open. 🙂

Have a good night x

DAY 34 Finished - No bet today

Work was OK today, it made me appreciate that when the weather is as nice as it has been today, I am lucky to work from home. i Haven't done much but have sold over a £1000 pounds for the company so that more than pays for my day rate.

Not left the house or garden so not had bet as online gambling has never been a problem to me, I have never done it.

Looking forward to fishing at Hawkhurst Farm tomorrow where three of us will have remote control boat races, to see who can take their baits and rigs out to the islands first 🙂

Really pleased I have gone 34 days without a bet and those urges have subsided for now.

Have a good weekend everyone, I know I won't bet.

wilsy.

I am further inspired by your diary fella, there is so much more to life than having a bet!!

keep it up fella

duncs stepping forward.