My Recovery Diary (last bet 22/04/06 )

Hi Jim, good to see you on here.

The fact that you once managed 3 years is massively important, and must be a good sign. You also seem to have put in place a lot of 'acquired learning' in putting obstacles in your way...I am also keeping a diary ('Determination - and Fear'),and I'm finding it a very good tool in helping to fight this addiction. Keep posting mate, I will follow your progress with interest.

O

Hi Jim, just read through your post.

I am keen to learn what triggered you after 3 yrs to go back to the dreaded weed.

I am only 2 weeks in, and deep down not sure how this works. When do you say your clean ? obviuosly never it seems ?

I have resigned myself to a life wit no money no cards no temptations. I am happy with this but is this the answer. For now I suppose it is.

Keep strong Jim, you have done so well so far, just find what did it before and get back on the ride to happiness.

Rob.

Hello Jim,

Seems you got your philosophy well sorted. Look forward to read your journal.

Cass

thanks for all your replies. Its good to know that there are people out there who undestand and care.

olly

I have just read your diary. keep up the good work mate, i know it can be hard at times but i do truly believe that this addiction can be kept in check. Just take it a day at a time .

just.like.dad

I have spent many an hour pondering about what triggered me to go back to gambling. The answer, i think, is manyfold.

I had become very complacent and stopped thinking about how dreadful i felt when I first stopped.

I had stopped talking about the problem with my wife and others.

I tried to think that the problem had gone.

There was no specific event that made me walk through that bookies door again after three years, but the scariest bit was the fact that I felt instantly at home in there again. I have come to believe that I will always be a compulsive gambler but I also believe that It can be controled and as time goes on it becomes easier to control, but it is always there. Thats just my opinion.

Cass

Thank you. Your support is very welcome.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

Thanks for your words of support, Jim.

You seem very self aware and level headed - albeit that has been gained through bitter experience. In my experience (limited as it is), the traits that you are demonstrating seem to be the key to successful quitting. I'm really interested in your views about complacency setting in, I guess that's always going to be a danger...keeping a diary might be a way of 'bottling' that awful feeling, 'lest we forget'.

Keep posting mate -

O

Dunno about level headed olly, you should see me in a bookies!!!

I try to be self aware, and i also try to understand the gambling addiction. during the first two years of my "clean" period, my wife and I spent a lot of time reading about addictions and talking a lot about what we learned. As time went by for some reason we stopped doing that and basicly forgot the problem existed. But it hadn't and before too long it came back. I felt awful and disgusted with myself for being so weak, It has taken me a long time to forgive myself and get back on track. I am finding that this site is helping so much and I intend to use it a lot.

You get what you put into this life, so I intend to put in a lot.

keep up the good work mate and you will get there.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

Hi Jim,

Totally understand your comment about it taking a long time to forgive yourself...that's the stage that I'm stuck in at the moment, absolutely delighted to have a couple of clean weeks, but still despondent about what happened to get me here. And another good point about getting out what you put in, you're dead right there mate.

Thanks for your support, and use this forum as a support for yourself.

Cheers

O

Its been a good day today, it usually is a good day when I dont gamble.

I am feeling stronger all the time and I am starting to believe that I can beat this gambling bug again.

I have read a lot of the posts on this site (still a lot more to read) and I am finding them extremely useful in gaining the strength that I need to get my life back on track.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

Hi gull, glad your having a good day. I have found this week really good too. But if it wasnt for this forum I dont think I could have been so strong, the support has been so gratefully received.

And I think you will get your life on track. cheers Joy

Nice one Jim, I'm pleased that you had a good day...hopefully it's sunny where you are too, and isn't it lovely to rediscover the simple pleasures of life.

Like Joy says, this forum is excellent, and I totally concur with her thoughts that without this forum, it would be a lot harder (if not impossible, for some) to quit. You've got experience of that Jim, quitting without this forum, and it would be useful to hear your views on the differences between your previous 3 year abstinence and this attempt to beat it for good.

Keep smilin',

O

Hi Jim,

Hows today been? A little easier i hope

Take Care

Stay Strong

Kim xx

hi kim

Today has been good too...If not a little too warm!

Spent an hour or so reading peoples diaries today. there are some sad stories out there but hopefully with hard work and determination, and of course the terrific support of people on this site lives can be turned around, I believe mine can.

I have had enough of the constant lurches in my life, had enough of hurting the people I love, had enough of the lying and the cheating that this gambling bug leads me to.

I want to be at peace with myself and eventually I want to like myself again and all this depends om me keeping away from that first bet.

I know I can do it, I made it for three years, boy that felt good..but then I threw it away in a moment of madness. This time I will try and be more aware of that bet creeping up on me and I will try never to forget what i become when I gamble.

Just my rambling thoughts for today.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

So true Jim, what you say about liking yourself. I am at long last beginning to like myself the longer I go without gambling. Normal thoughts are coming back into my head instead of missing that buzz, am actually looking forward to being at home with family.

As you said, you did it before and I will also remind myself not to let it creep back up on me. And as you are determined you know you will do it again. cheers Joy

Hi Olly

"the differences between your previous 3 year abstinence and this attempt to beat it for good"

That is a tough question mate but a good one, I will have a think about that and try and answer it tomorrow.

I hope all is well with you. the path may be tough but the rewards are great. keep strong.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06 )