My Recovery Diary (last bet 22/04/06 )

well its 100 days since my last bet (if my maths is correct).

For a fleeting moment today I thought about gambling. it only lasted a second, but it was there. i logged on here and read through my diary and reminded myself why I dont bet any more.

On the whole a good day though, gambling free and happy to be so.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06, 100 days ago)

My progrees continues, a day at a time.I try not to think too much about tomorrow, or next week,etc, as far as my non gambling is concerned.

just today, that is all that matters, if i can get through today without betting then i am a happy man.

each morning i tell myself that just for today I will not gamble, If I feel tempted to then i remind myself why i am giving up.

i place obsticles in the way of my next bet to try and stop that spur of the moment bet.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06, 101 days ago)

Hi Jim

Thanks for helping me with my diary. Everyones support helps but people like you who have gone months without gambling really help peolpe like me who are just starting out.

Congratulations on reaching your 100 days. Massive milestone.

Regards

Magic1974

Hi Jim, I've been away for a few days so missed a few posts - but CONGRATULATIONS ON 100 DAYS. I totally understand what you say about this being a 'day at a time' battle, how true that is...but nevertheless, we should all also take time to pat ourselves on the back occasionally, after all this is a very difficult (life changing, in fact) journey that we're on and it is all too easy to slip up.

Well done mate, I am a puny 1 month tomorrow, so I will keep looking 'up to you'!

O

hi olly, nice to see you back mate. i hope all is well with you and you are staying strong.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

Hi Jim, I'm afraid I screwed up...my diary tells the story. I am unworthy...trying to start again now.

O

You are not unworthy mate, it takes a strong man to admit his faults and to do something about it. You can do it. i have posted in your diary..i hope it helps.

Anyway, as for me....A good day today, had a couple of peccaries born a couple of days ago at work. when i was gambling it wouldn't have meant anything to me, but in my non gambling days I can apprietiate the pleasure that the little things in life bring.

It may seem daft but seeing two baby peccaries running about with all the zest for life that they have helps me apprietiate what life is all about. It isnt about that next bet, its about the joys of just being alive.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

That's great, Jim (or should I call you 'John'...!). I can truly understand what you mean about being able to appreciate the beautiful but small things in life, when your entire existence isn't clouded by the spectre of yet another gambling loss - or even the fake euphoria of a gambling win. Just before my slip, I was at a similar stage, when I was beginning to appreciate the 'normal' pace of life rather than the helter-skelter of an addicted gambler.

Keep posting mate, you are helping yourself and others all the time,

O

No gambling today, another step along the road to recovery.

Looking forward to the start of the football season tomorrow..(proper league football, not this premiership rubbish!!). cant go to Torquays first game as i cant get to london, but i shall be glued to the radio come 3 o'clock cheering on my beloved gulls.

Strangly enough I never used to bet on Torquays games, even i wasnt that stupid to bet on Torquay winning..lol

My non gambling is going quite smoothly at the moment, I seem to have got myself in the right frame of mind and the urges are being kept at bay. I am sure i will have bad days again but hopefully i will be able to beat them with the support that i have in place.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

who would believe it, torquay won yesterday!!..but more importantly I went another day gambling free.

I feel at peace with myself at the moment, life is enjoyable..yes , i have money worries..who doesn't when bills constantly rise and wages never seem to match them. But i am dealing with it like most other people do..without gambling!

whatever life throws at me, I know that returning to gambling will not help at all, in fact I know that it will make things worse..my life history proves that to me.

I sometimes wish that I could gamble "normally" like other people do, but again I know that I cant. When i gamble I just cant stop, win or lose, it's always the same.

Life without gambling isnt so bad, in a lot of ways it is better and a non gambling road is the right path for me to take in life. So i walk this non gambling path, a day at a time, enjoying all the things that I see on the way.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

good chat in the chat room tonight.

It all helps.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

Hi Gull, welldone on staying strong. Keep it going. Joy

and one thing i mentioned in the chat that i want to mention on here because i want my wife to read it, and i know she does, is

Jackie....I dont know why you still love me after all the years of gambling, and lies, and deceit and everything else that comes with it. I dont know why you are still with me.

All i do know is that I am so grateful that you are sticking by me, you and both of our children really do mean the world to me, i will beat this gambling adiction..I stopped for three years and i can do it again. this time i wont allow myself to forget the damage that my selfish gambling has done to both my family and myself. I will remind my self daily of the misery that i put us all in when i gamble and hope that this will deter me from starting again.

I know i am not the perfect husband jackie, but i can be better than i was, i will try my utmost to resist the urge to gamble and to be honest and truthful with you.

You have been so much more supportive than i could possilby hope for and i thank you for that, from the bottom of my heart.

I am doing this for me, because i dont like the person i become when i gamble...i want the real me to be given a chance of life, i want you to know the real me.

It's not easy to change..i think we both know that, but i do believe it can be done and i will do anything to achieve it.

I love you jackie, i love you and our children, i will put things right, i will be the husband and father my family deserves.

I didnt really say all this in chat but i am saying it now, to you jackie. thank you for staying with me and helping me along this rocky road that i am leading.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

absolutely knackered today, that will teach me to stay up half the night drinking wine knowing I have work in the morning.

Still, another day without gambling has passed, another day further away from my last bet.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

Hi Jim, you softy!! but much admired your posting to your wife,it takes a lot of guts to admit one's failings but you are both lucky to have each other. And with her support I know you will succeed.

I have some spare parecetamols if you need them!!! took plenty on hols with me for the next morning.

And another day without gambling deserves a little celebration now and then eh? good on you. Joy