My Recovery Diary (last bet 22/04/06 )

Morning Gull, every so often I come across a quote or comment from another person here which hits me in the face

"Abstinance is the only way for me and I will use or do anything to stay stopped. No excuses."

I think the amount of time you have been free of this addiction proves a big point. Same for me the only way I will beat this addiction is to try to never ever gamble again - "No excuses" as you yourself say. And yep there is a big place here for those that have been posting a long time. Shows me at least what is possible if one is determined to quit. Thanks for sharing the above quote 🙂 All the best Blocked.

Hi Jim,

Clearly the "chat" session on Friday opened up a can of worms,i don't use chat as i feel it can be very emotive and is to "busy".I have read lots of your diary over the last month or so,and also jackie's......,And like you i know exactly where this addiction can take us,over time it literally took everything i had,(and i'm not putting the vast amount of money i have lost at the top of that list),i didn't want to live any more,felt i was useless....and more importantly of no use to my loved ones.I know that you and Jackie "champion" GA,my personal experience of my nearest group was very bad,so it isn't for me.....,however i do agree that total abstinence is the only way to recover,and in future my partner will handle our money,i am very happy that she will do so,it makes her and me that bit safer,and takes away a huge amount of pressure from me.It takes time for some of us to realise what we are :),i try to support them though.Anyway,best regards to you and Jackie,long may your recovery continue.

Seano

Hi Gull

Thanks for the olive branch. I dont hold grudges either and Fridays chat is now in the past. However I think we just need to accept we have completely differing views.

You echo the GA way of doing things and whilst I know that route works for many (and good luck to them), I hated that approach based on my 2 visits to GA, there are others on here with similar experiences. I have never wanted to stop gambling completely or felt that was right for me.

On this site I have found a much more flexible supporting infrastructure which allows support for whichever route an individual wants to take, that can be total abstinence, cutting down, gambling a different way, whatever. I believe I have supported and encouraged everyone on here based on their chosen direction and topics raised and will continue to do so.

If you elect to try and influence everyone that completely stopping is the only option, that's your prerogative.

Hi Jim thanks for the post on my diary. Nice to hear from you.

Stumper

I am more convinced than ever that abstinance is the only way to get our life back.

Its not just about the physical act of placing a bet, there is so much more to it than money we lose when we gamble.

Gambling consumes our lives.

I read about people trying to control it and dressing it up as advance betting good, random betting bad. This is utter nonsense, gambling is gambling wether we bet in a second in advance or a week in advance.

The end result will always be the same eventually.

Its a shame but I guess a gambler in action wont listen to anything but what their addiction tells them.

I intend to continue on the tried and trusted method of ridding my whole life of gambling in all its forms.

It brings peace, calm and prosperity back in my life and I like that.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

hi Jim

I looking forward to reading your posts

for there strenth and wisdom

Regards

Micheal42

When I decided that I had had enough of the life that being a gambler brought me, i decided that I would do everything in my power to rid myself of this terrible affliction.

Over the years the tools that i use have increased and decreased depending on what I needed to do at the time, but the overriding factor has always been that "I will always do what is necessary"

NO EXCUSES!!

I still do what is necessary and I always will and I haven't gambled for almost four years and have no inclination to.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

Hi darling, I feel so inadequate & unable to help & support you, when I know you are having such a horrific day. I wish I could be there for you in your team. I feel nuts writing on your diary, but its the nearest I can get to you at the moment! sad eh... Love you so much & want you home, safe. Thought through the years that I was use to your dangerous job but today I'm scared.

Jackie xxx

Hi Jim and Jac,

Hope everything worked out for you today,whatever it was you had a problem with.

Knowing Jim like i do i,m sure it was fine.

Regards,

"" A NEW LIFE ""

Well here I am, four years ago today I had my last bet of any kind. Four years ago today I accepted that I could never bet again and I still strongly believe that...in fact I KNOW that.

I know that if I ever placed another bet then some time sooner or later I would be back in big trouble, betting money I can’t afford to lose, lying, cheating, stealing, doing anything and everything to continue betting.

I don’t want that sort of life again ever and to my way of thinking, if I never bet again then I will never fall back into the destructive cycle of the compulsive gambler.

Do I miss gambling?

Not on your life, why on earth should I miss something that only ever brings pain and misery in the long term.

Do I get urges?

Since I accepted that I am never going to place a bet again I have never had an urge to bet. It has fleetingly crossed my mind on occasions but it could never be described as an urge.

Is my life dull and boring without gambling in it?

Nothing could be further from the truth. I live a full and fulfilling life, much more so than when I was a gambler.

Have I changed since I stopped gambling?

Of course I have. I made a conscious effort to change, I had to change. I changed my routine, my way of life, my acquaintances, my daily routine, etc. I changed from a gambler to a non gambler.

Has my life improved since I stopped gambling?

My life has improved immeasurably since I stopped. I have money in the bank, I go on regular holidays, I don’t worry when bills come in, I can treat and help out my children, I give my wife the attention that she deserves. I know a better life isn’t guaranteed without gambling in it but stopping gambling massively increases the chances of life improving.

There are many tools to help us all achieve a successful recovery, my philosophy is to use anything and everything that is needed to first of all stop gambling and then to stay stopped.

Don’t use excuses such as “It’s not for me”. If it helps you to stop then do it.

Don’t kid yourself that you can control it again....after all we came here because we failed to control it.

Don’t forget what gambling turns you into it.

Don’t live in the past...remember the past but look to the future.

Don’t keep tempting yourself...stop reading form, stop watching races, etc.

Life as a non gambler is a great life and is well worth fighting for, put all your heart and soul into changing and don’t take no for an answer. It can be tough at times but we can be tougher. If you mess up then learn from it and come back stronger and more determined.

Life is for living and a gamblers way of life is not living it is just existing.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

Jim

Congratulations on your 4th birthday as a non-gambler.

Just had a look at the early days of your diary when I was on here before and below I have copied my first entry onto your diary back in September 2006.

---------------------------

Just thought of one of my silly acronyms for you

GULL--Going Upwards Lying Less

Inspirational diary mate.

Fully agree with you that we will always be compulsive gamblers its all about keeping it buried.

-------------------------------

Must admit I think the entry sums up who or what we are. You have certainly managed to keep it buried for a long while and for that I salute you mate.

All the best

Stumper

jim. . 4 years magnificent achievement. . . Really hope some that are struggling at present read your diary and take inspiration from it cause i certainly do. . Well done 🙂

Hi Darling,

I am so very, very proud of you and what you have achieved. Especially during the past 4 yrs.

I loved your last post and sometimes wish that you would write more often. I know its not something you like doing but you have so much information about gambling & recovery stored within you, that I think it could be of benefit to others.

I wish people could hear what I hear from you when we talk of gambling related issues together.

We continue to learn through our recoveries and I believe we always will. Often by incidents recorded by others here at gamcare.

It helps to remind us of where we once were/are and the gambling traps that are all to easy to fall into if you start encouraging old thoughts & behaviours.

When I see people falling into the 'i can control it' mode, I am sadden, for I know where that will lead.

It may not be for a while but it will happen. I have seen & heard it over & over again from 100's of cgs in forums worldwide, in the 'rooms' & in flesh. People from all levels of intelligence and positions held in society..... Thats the thing... addiction doesn't discriminate and it certainly doesn't give a toss about how clever & 'skilled' you think you are at gambling, form etc.

Once the 'Johnny big balls' attitude creeps in, you are in trouble.... but by then people are usually quite deaf to the warnings of their senses and of others.

Self destruction & loathing will be there waiting for you.

After all Jim, if you hadn't had your times of 'trying to control it' you would be celebrating 7 yrs today for sure (or by the way that a tiny minority here chose to record what they refer to as recovery, it could be 20+yrs! 😉 lol)

You & I know now what real recovery means... it took us a while to get there and nothing has ever felt or tasted so good.

I hope & wish that everyone here can truly accept who they are, what their problems are and put the work in that is necessary to change their lives around for the better.

Life is really far too short to be wasted.

Thats all in the end what gambling is about... a form of wasting time, money, energy, friends, relationships, marriages, health, brain cells, careers, self worth/esteem and freedom... the list is endless... gambling takes so much from the gambler and those around them.

Sadly some find the end, by suicide.

Why do people want to hand over their hard earned cash to feed a greedy industry that does not care about you????

Once people have found themselves at this site then there was a real reason behind why they came searching for it.

Once they have crossed the line and have a problem/cg, then gambling can never be classed as entertainment for them again. Ever. You blew that by over doing it in the first place!

It is a very complex & serious addiction and we both know that... but it can be put into remission through stopping gambling and choosing recovery.

It is the best thing you have ever done Jim... (except for marrying me that is!!! lol x)

Please stay strong forever and may we always guard against complacency odaat.

Love you loads

Jackie xxxx

The most wonderful thing about recovery is that it is always there waiting for you... it is never too late to stop gambling... and so much to gain when you do.

Just wanted to add my sincere congratulations on four years gamble free Jim,fantastic achievement.

Seano.

with much luv to ya both xxxx