My Story so far

I'm going to copy my previous thread from Overcoming Problem gambling in an attempt to use this as a Blog to write my thoughts and my struggles down so I can vent about them and get help from you guys (if you would be so kind)

28/01/2018

Hi all,

I have previously been in touch with gambling help services

I had received over the Phone consultation previously around 2 years ago.

I got my gambling under control but I have issues again.

I've opened up to my partner and told her about it and she has reacted very negatively thinking I don't want a future with her when nothing can be further from the truth. She has said that she doesn't think she can do this anymore, she feels betrayed and doesn't know why I didn't mention anything soon she feels as though I've been sky and sneaky and I'm in pieces. I've broke her heart and I never wanted to do that

I was living at my partner's parents house with her and we were suppose to be saving money to clear debts so we could get our own home. The day after I told my partner she told me to go to my mams. I returned to her parents a day later and she had packed up all my belongings.

I pay by bills each month but I waste any spare money which I should of been putting in to paying of my already existing debt quicker but I kept thinking if I got a big win it would clear it.
I'm in around £13,000 of debt in total because of various decisions in life but a large chunk is from gambling.
I work full time Monday to Friday

I just can't control myself. I'm not a stupid person but this issue is there.
I block myself from a site but just find another one to gamble on, I set limits but find myself removing them.

I need some help and advice on what to do and how to go for from this.

I've not opened up to anyone about it previously apart from when wanting help from gamcare and counselling services. I have hidden it from family and friends for years.

I've told my partner, sister, mam, and 4 of my closest friends

I have been referred to a face to face councillor this time and I intend in going to a local GA meeting tomorrow after work.
My sister is going to take control of my finances for me and give me an allowance.

I want to do things right for me and right by my partner. I thought she would help be through the emotional struggle, but she feel betrayed.

Does anyone have any advice please?

29/01/2018

Have an update.

I've moved back into my mams which have given a me a big knock back mentally. I've not slept to well, knowing that I've hurt someone I love because of my addiction.

My sister is going with me tonight to a local GA meeting and I'm hoping that will help me understand on another level about my addiction
My sister has also sat down with my finances and highlighted that in not in a massive hole and I can get those in a better place relatively easily. She works in the credit industry so she has helped me with that. She's also taken control of my debit card and is going to give me an allowance.

I have a consolidation loan coming in today which will pay off all but 1 credit card and I'm going to get them cancelled at the same time. I'm also going to order a new debit card (then give it to my sister) so I don't know the details in the card. So I cannot put anything in online or access saves firm data if I'm tempted to gamble

My gambling stopped previously completely cold turkey when I was talking to a professional about the issues. I'm hoping talking to peers will help too.

I'm in a pretty low place, my family are being as supportive as they can but they're coming to terms with this for the first time and know I've hurt my ex partner.

My ex partner wants to know how tonight goes so she is trying to be supportive too but I know that it's a really big challenge for her

I downloaded Gamban for my phone but it wouldn't work so I've emailed off about support with that.