Need help again.

hey anniel

try calling the council about the bill - they will nearly always work out a way that you can pay them off over a longer period so that your payments are manageable. Once you have spoken to them and come to some sort of agreement they will not hassle you. My auntie paid 1 pound a week to clear outstanding bill until she was in a better position to increase it. Keep up abstaining and you will see clearly. Deal with 1 thing at a time and you will see that you can come out of this and be happy again.

Linda

Afraid they're not that flexible here - they're very quick to go to court for non-payment and send in the bailiffs (happened to someone I know recently). I will try though - and I will apply for a reduction based on income, with blacked-out statement as evidence. Thanks for your advice. It's funny, in the 'real world' I am the one people come to for advice & help, and I can usually help, but when it's me...Each day that goes by, I think a little of whatever I was hiding from is unravelling. It goes back a long time and there are a lot of things I think I've never really dealt with, just distracted myself by immersing in you-know-what. I to deal with: ***DELETED TEXT****

I hadn't intended putting all that on here this morning, and reading it back t sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself - I'm not, I just think I ran out of coping mechanism but needed to keep pretending so I found a way to shut it all out/distract myself from thinking about the reality. Now, I think I need to find a way to come to terms with all of it so that I can move on.

wow what a load of cr** you have had thrown at you- I did something similar where I wrote down on one of my diary pages everything that I had thrown at me last year and to be honest at first it hurt to write those things down but once I did it was like I was exorcising the demons and I felt much better having said them. Im a long way of dealing with them but a start is a start.

Thing is we have to deal with these things one way or another. And we will get past them. You have had a rough time but you are still here and you are still trying and thats what counts. Why should you have to go through your life using gambling to numb the feelings? once the money has gone it will still hurt so why not deal with them now and then we can move forward?

Somone said something to me last year and to be honest it helped a lot-

"Never let your past experiences harm your future, your past cant be altered and your future doesnt deserve the punishment"

Linda x

Another day. Still here. My to-do list for the day includes applying for some cover work ***DELETED TEXT****Before, I just went through the day zombie-like I think, didn't think about anything else too deeply, but now every day is making me face the awful truth and consequence of my actions. I can cope fine with the impact on myself....seeing the impact on my family is where the guilt and shame lie, and I guess that'll be there for a long long time. Hey ho - Best thing I can do right now is work, and do my best to help my kids, I reckon. I was going to say "wish me luck", but in the circumstances I think "wish me strength and stamina" is more appropriate!

Bad day. The worst so far. Not gambling but the effects of being a CG are overwhelming. Don't know what to do, don't even know how I can put food on the table this week, or buy a bus ticket to work (it's 10 miles, or I'd walk!), and worse, how I make sure my daughter can get to college etc. The reality has hit hard....I know that if I had any money I'd be so tempted to 'chase' a win....I don't know what happened to me but I hate it.

Hi Anniel

Is there anyone there that can help you out at the moment? or is there anyone that can give you a lift to work or take your daughter to college? The fact that you are in this situation is because of gambling but you will not get out of it by chasing a win. Believe me- you need to stop thinking that gambling some more will help you. It wont. It will take the little you have left. There are organisations around that will help with food if you have no choice (i dont know whereabouts you are otherwise I would find you some numbers/addresses).

Right now you are dealing with the worst of it. If you can get through this week until you get paid or get some money through to keep you going each week WILL get better.

Make sure that you have stopped payday loans from coming out of your account- even if you have to open a new bank account to get your money paid into it. You can then deal with any payday loans seperately. Remember every day why you are going through this and let it stop you from ever gambling again. I wish there was more I could do to help you but the best thing I can offer are words which I know doesnt help your current situation. Keep posting though and let me know how you are doing. Stay strong

Linda

Linda, words really do help. Thank you.

I read back what I'd written earlier, and thought it's time I did whatever I could think of, apart from gambling, to get us through the next few days - so, I sold my wedding ring. It wasn't an expensive one, and I think I only got a fraction of its value, but hopefully it'll get us through this week. Tomorrow I am going to sit down and face the mountain of debt and try to figure out a plan. On the inside I am constantly in a panic, but not sure whether it's the present situation or the fact that I've taken away my 'hiding place' that's making me feel that way.

Morning Annie,

Many thanks for your post. Sorry it has taken me a few days to get back to you.

seems like you are going through a tough time. Don't try and gamble your way through it, it won't help.

Stay strong and try to achieve realistic targets-I did the 90 days as suggested by GA.

It helped me greatly, as did this forum-it still does. Nearly 2 years down the line, it's still tough but not nearly as tough as it was . Feelings of guilt and remorse are still there, maybe they serve to remind me why I can never gamble again.

Stay strong in the days ahead,

Best wishes,

gazza

hi anniel

I am glad you can get through the week until you are in a better position do/sell whatever you have to to survive. As far as that hiding place goes- it is all an illusion. Gambling makes you feel all cosy and safe in this blanket that protects you but its not really true. It just makes you feel like that till you run out of money then it chucks you out into the freezing cold with nothing left.

In a few days/ weeks the fog will clear and things will get a little easier each day you dont gamble.

Linda x

Morning. Thanks Linda & Gazza, your support means a lot to me.

The urge to hide away from the world is bad, but I am trying to ignore it. I have made a to-do list and will make myself work through it. I think I have taken on too much recently, most of which doesn't bring in any money or sense of purpose/achievement, so I am going to shift the focus of my life - I think that ongoing guilt skewed my thinking and I made some really bad decisions, almost as if by giving my time to others didn't make me quite such a bad person. Now, I know this doesn't make sense, but I'm just writing what I feel today. I called my dad this morning, as it's his birthday tomorrow and I will be working in the morning... and realised that actually I don't ever want to tell my family - it's my problem, and life is tough enough without extra worries; I don't ever want to become a burden on my kids. I know people on here sometimes say that they're glad they shared, but it's not for me. What is for me is to get a grip and get past this. So hard to do though.

Linda, also meant to say that I have opened a new bank account and will arrange for income to be paid into it. Apart from the fact that it ensures I can control outgoings, I feel that a new financial start, logging into an account that shows NO money going into gambling sites, will help me psychologically. The thought that I will be able to show statements without embarrassment is a good one - not to mention the fact that if anything happened to me, my family wouldn't have to see my 'old' finances, as that account will be closed. I am trying to close every door on the gambler and get back to who I used to be. Right- am off to buy ingredients for a fresh home-cooked meal for when my daughter gets in from college later, will clean the house while it's cooking, and then look at some paperwork/bills to try and come up with a plan. Hope anyone reading this has a good day - be nice to yourself! x

Hi Anniel

So pleased to read your post, you sound way more positive and determined! I did the same with my bank account at xmas and its lovely to see a full statement with no gambling outgoings on it! You also do not need to share if you dont want to. You can make this change and we will support you here when you need it.

Have a lovely day

linda x

Well. I went to the shops, came back and did some cooking, only for both daughters to come in - and straight back out again! Sigh. Oh well, I'm working in the morning so I guess they can heat it up tomorrow! I contacted the council tax people (by email, not brave enough to phone them!) and arranged my income to come into my new account. I am sitting here not knowing what to do - I have lots I could be doing, but this is one of those times in the day when, left alone, I would be on the money-gobbling sites. Good thing I have removed that opportunity and only have a little money in cash - not that that would have stopped me in the past, I could usually find a way - and not always an honest way, I'm ashamed to say. I never went so far as to steal, but I certainly lied and used money that should have gone elsewhere. Not sure how I got to that stage, but I'm never going back there.

Am trying to pluck up the courage to go through everything and find out how much I owe in total - but more shocking is the sheer number of debts, from credit cards to payday loans to household bills unpaid, and even a couple of personal loans from friends....it's awful, really really awful. I am guessing it'll be about £50k altogether, but that's a rough guess. And it doesn't take into account all the actual money I blew - that would be more than ten times that figure. As I'm being honest, at its height (depth?) the most I lost was £9k in one night, and it ranged from that to chasing pennies. Over a period of about ten years, I think: it's atrocious.

hey anniel

I would say that my total losses would easily add up to 50 grand over the years if not more!

Im not sure if you are into scrabble but there is a site called word biz and when I have done my posting on here and when I have a bit of time on my hands I play scrabble on this site. I know it sounds boring but I love it and can play for hours if I had the time- anyway just thought I would let you know just in case. I also have got back into reading which I love coz I can trapse charity shops for ages looking for a good book! I hope you have a good evening!

Also, have you tried going on to stepchange site? Its a free service for people with varying amounts of debts. It may be worth looking into a way of putting all your debts together and paying these people 1 payment every month (IVA). Or if you have a very low income you could look into bankruptcy or a debt relief order. It all depends on your circumstances of course but at least there are some options rather than getting overwhelmed with all of it.

Linda x

Morning. Didn't sleep too well last night. Today I just feel sad, angry with myself, and if I'm honest a little bit lonely. Daft really, I have a big family and some good friends I could talk to if I wanted to. I think maybe some of the feelings I've been hiding from are starting to catch up with me a bit. However, I'm still here and I have to go to work in an hour - have a good day everyone. x