Thought provoking comments Awayout.
We live in a society that presents us all with all these oppurtinites for a quick fix for instant gratification.. but the end result is often personal misery.. be it gambling, drinking, eating, smoking.. whatever.
The particular cruelty with gambling is that in distorted sort of way it can be seen as both the cause and the solution.
The lottery has always been my achilies heel on days that I struggle, cos like the advert says "it could be you"... but what helps me on occasions is something i red.. following a survey of lottery jackpot winners this article concluded that jackpot winners surveyed returned to their previous states of happiness with a few months of the win.
In other worsd all the issues of "self" of character of personality were still there.
I am working towards a state of having no interest in wanting to win money..fullstop. Today I can say that but on a tough day those words are not so easy to type.. Lol .. Hope your having a good weekend.. S.A 🙂
Yes I think you have the right target of trying to work towards having no interest in trying to win money.
The amount of people I see old men & ladies 'n' all thinking the lottery is going to come in one day and solve all their problems, when in reality they are being robbed of their pound with only a miniscule chance of winning a decent payout...
I keep saying things like that then end up buying a lotto or scratchie. I guess I think lottery is safer somehow when sometimes it has encouraged me back to heavier gambling on roulette etc. As I said won £450 on pick 3 almost the first time I played and it all went on roulette could have had a decent holiday with that looking back.
In my view a small win which let's face it is all you are likely to win (and that only now and again) just makes you greedier for more and to want to keep playing so you are never 'up'. Excuse me for using gambling term 'up'!
I somehow think winning the £4.3k I owe on the ovedrafts is going to make me feel happier and less likely to gamble (at least that is my logic). But in reality it could then make me think I can win again like so many times before in this addiction cycle.
I don't want to go back to the roulette again which to me is probably as damaging as catergory A drugs...
The strikes are killing my trade on one of the auction sites which helped me out last month so I am going to have to be very careful budgeting this month.
Awayout
Hi awayout
"I somehow think winning the £4.3k I owe on the ovedrafts is going to make me feel happier and less likely to gamble (at least that is my logic). But in reality it could then make me think I can win again like so many times before in this addiction cycle."
Exactly!.. that is the addictive cycle
I remember when my debts were at the 8K level and being on a low income I was starting to panic.
Anyway I asked my dad to lend me the money (without telling him why I might add). I reasoned that better to being in debt to my dad than to the banks.
Anyway after much delay he eventually said that he would lend me 4k as long as i imformed him (by letter if need be) as to how i'd got into the debt in the first place.
At this stage nobody new, though they probably had an inkling. Anyway this is what happened..
... the 4k hits my bank account and i think to myself...I will pay my overdraft off in my current account and a little off of each of the credit cards.
I leave myself 1k to gamble with.
I convince myself that i can double it up (on Arcade slot machines???) and then pay off more of my debt.
What happened of course was that i went on a gambling frenzy and lost that 1k and felt like s**t!
I then built up my overdraft and credit cards once again.
Six months later my debt had doubled to 16 k and then my world started to collapse.. my journey towards rock bottom had just got closer.
The reality of it all was that i just wanted to be in action.
It didn't matter how much money was lent to me or how much money i won.. it was always going to go back.
Eventually I started the painful process of starting to rebuild my life.. which to this day is a work in progress.. a day at a time.
Onwards and upwards... S.A 🙂
Doing OK apart from that 'feeling' on lottery days. I keep thinking if I keep the stakes low I can have a flutter but I know sometimes I end up buying 10 tickets not one plus scratchcards etc.
I never want to return to those big money relapses again even fifty quid is too much for me to waste. But the £700 quid one was a real killer blow when I thought I was in control again. Really have to watch myself visiting other towns where I am not banned.
Will need to watch myself in the winter like many people with the hectic work schedule and depressing weather I am more likely to think gambling is the answer when it is not.
Work is not going too well again. I thought I had one thing in the bag (sales targets) now they are getting stressy about accuracy.
I am on 1st warning so would be an easy target if things turned sour in the place as a whole. They have not been doing the checks properly so they can pinpoint errors to any one individual so will be doing more individual checks pronto.
What I did not like is the management mentioned it to me personally that inaccuracies were being made again and checks were to be made.
I did not like the sound of it. They definitely need me til Christmas I have been then nearly 6 years... With the recession and all....
Well I can only do my best. Thing is I am quite sensitive and tend to make more mistakes if I worry too much....
Feel like saying 'sod the job' and starting afresh if it were not for the debt I need to pay off each month. It is probably the Christmas pressure building!
Awayout
Thought I had better write here today
Found Remembrance Sunday depressing as I always do. The cold weather never helps. I go church and I almost have to force myself to go as it is sucha sombre occasion.
Anyway I did not turn to the gambling just as well as I need every penny for my loan repayment.
I realise how difficult I have allowed gambling and the debts to make my life. If I only could have seen this coming I never would have placed that first bet about 19 years ago.
I made a stupid mistake the last few months buying stuff. I think my excuse was I was going to try and sell it on for a profit. Sometimes in the past I have had a bit of success selling stuff.
This month I was stupid and bought too much from an auction, nearly all the money I had set aside for a bill and even that was overdraft money.
I might have to get bailed out again til end of month and I hate doing this to my mum.
It is like I am replacing the gambling addiction my excuse to gamble was make money in the end to pay of my huge debt.
Now I have spent a lot of money to me buying stuff. I don't want to place a gambling addiction with a buying one as I know I will never recover financially and in my life in general.
The only good thing is I have material things so the money is tied up in them. So many times before I have sold 'precious things' to pay off gambling debt or to gamble with. This time I am trying to get out of debt my buying and selling mad I know!!!
Yes it is a good idea to have a little business but not if you keep buying and then don't make any cash!!!
Well needed to get that off my chest. It is only November 9 and have almost spent out all ready. The truth of the matter is I desperately need a full time job
Awayout
Hi Awayout,
I read your first couple of sentences and then thought to myself.. I am about to hear a tale of gambling.. but I didn't.
Progress made my internet buddy! Well done!
Buying and selling can be seen as using your initiative and being creative to find extra income.. as long as you don't gamble it... when you have a good sale use it to pay off some debt and hey use some of it to treat yourself in some other way.
The goal is simply not gambling a day at a time... I still have minor addictions and other things i do of an escapist flavour but they won't destroy me.. gambling will. Focus on not gambling and other areas of your life can start to flourish. Regards to you.. S.A 🙂
Hi just to say feeling a bit better. That was pre going in to work.
As regards buying and selling it is not big bucks but just a few puunds here and there which sometimes adds up to paying a bill or small amount of overdraft each week or even interest.
Something to aim for though. With these things ut tends to be the more effort you put in the more reward. Sometimes though I find I feel so drained that I find it hard putting the needed effort it.
Must do better!!!!
Awayout
Hi just to say things going a bit better as you indicated SA
Still need to sort my life out after many years of neglect (mid thirties). Financially still striving to pay off debt. Have to try and get my bill money together in a week.
I think I can do it but shamefully my mum suffers if I need to ask for help for the loan payment...
I think banning myself from local bookies was the best decision I have made for many many years. Anyone fighting themselves to do this and get the exclusion forms I would say 'go for it'. The shame or embarrassment soon is overtaken by a feeling of pride and saisfaction that you are safe and are making some progress.
I am not trying to make myself seem 'silky white' as I know I relapsed last month and admit to still doing the lottery. But since stopping my nemesis roulette recently I feel like the cloud is lifted from my eyes and I can cope with the world that much better.
I can definitely say I was gambling on FOBTs and roulette to block out certain personal problems and day to day stresses. But I think I realise now that the addiciton was taking over and it gave no pleasure in my life.
I feel like I am no different to a drug addict who has had to ween himself with the help of others with one step at a time. With some backward steps being made before one forward.
Looking forward to things getting better as regard the debt. Slow process but I know it can be done. It is tough, the financial recovery on low income but I am beginning to see sense.
Awayout
Hi just to say things going a bit better as you indicated SA
Still need to sort my life out after many years of neglect (mid thirties). Financially still striving to pay off debt. Have to try and get my bill money together in a week.
I think I can do it but shamefully my mum suffers if I need to ask for help for the loan payment...
I think banning myself from local bookies was the best decision I have made for many many years. Anyone fighting themselves to do this and get the exclusion forms I would say 'go for it'. The shame or embarrassment soon is overtaken by a feeling of pride and saisfaction that you are safe and are making some progress.
I am not trying to make myself seem 'silky white' as I know I relapsed last month and admit to still doing the lottery. But since stopping my nemesis roulette recently I feel like the cloud is lifted from my eyes and I can cope with the world that much better.
I can definitely say I was gambling on FOBTs and roulette to block out certain personal problems and day to day stresses. But I think I realise now that the addiciton was taking over and it gave no pleasure in my life.
I feel like I am no different to a drug addict who has had to ween himself with the help of others with one step at a time. With some backward steps being made before one forward.
Looking forward to things getting better as regard the debt. Slow process but I know it can be done. It is tough, the financial recovery on low income but I am beginning to see sense.
Awayout
Hi just to say things going a bit better as you indicated SA
Still need to sort my life out after many years of neglect (mid thirties). Financially still striving to pay off debt. Have to try and get my bill money together in a week.
I think I can do it but shamefully my mum suffers if I need to ask for help for the loan payment...
I think banning myself from local bookies was the best decision I have made for many many years. Anyone fighting themselves to do this and get the exclusion forms I would say 'go for it'. The shame or embarrassment soon is overtaken by a feeling of pride and saisfaction that you are safe and are making some progress.
I am not trying to make myself seem 'silky white' as I know I relapsed last month and admit to still doing the lottery. But since stopping my nemesis roulette recently I feel like the cloud is lifted from my eyes and I can cope with the world that much better.
I can definitely say I was gambling on FOBTs and roulette to block out certain personal problems and day to day stresses. But I think I realise now that the addiciton was taking over and it gave no pleasure in my life.
I feel like I am no different to a drug addict who has had to ween himself with the help of others with one step at a time. With some backward steps being made before one forward.
Looking forward to things getting better as regard the debt. Slow process but I know it can be done. It is tough, the financial recovery on low income but I am beginning to see sense.
Awayout
Have had a good weekend away from gambling on FOBTs
Only way to do it now is if visiting a town a long way out my area.
I realise how selfish I have been but also when I was on a downer how depressed I was feeling and my self esteem was rock bottom being walked over in many areas of my life.
I also now know I am able to decide the things I want to do and that gambling no longer controls me. It is almost like knowing a new person!
I still need to sort out myself as regards career and finances but I know that will probaby come with patience something I have not been very good at!
Awayout
Hi Awayout,
Good to hear that you are taking control of your addiction rather than it of you.
I am impatient to but I have learnt to live with it.. time and patience.
Cheers for now.. S.A 🙂
Just to say thanks for reply
Yes patience really comes hard to people who have become addicted to one way of life ie gambling.
I find I am thinking of ways to pay off my immediate debt ie overdraft (loan will take much longer)
I realise I do have mental resources to use and that have been wasted. I am finding I have 10 x the energy levels I did before since quitting the FOBTs and roulette.
Trouble is I know I have probably aged myself with the addiction and dont want to cause myself stress all the time from worrying about money. I am also causing stress to mum with the constant lack of money and at times control over my spending.
I know in some ways my brain is saying the gambling was a source of wealth because I remember the few times that a load of cash did appear by chance. Now I am refocusing on trying to make a few quid here and there through my hardwork and using real intelligence.... whereas gambling was a waste of my talents....
I dont want to make myself or others around me old before their time worrying about cash or trying to pay off the debt so I have to hold myself bach sometimes.
Patience and commonsense not easy traits to get back after becoming a compulsive gambler and in recovery
Awayout
Hi awayout,
From someone who has been following your journey for a long time, I see changes in the way you are thinking about your addiction.. good stuff.. keep posting.. keep safe.. yours in recovery.. S.A 🙂
Thought I would post as having that 'empty feeling' when it is so easy to turn to gambling.
I feel quite rotten for buying things that I should not have bought without the money available and as usual loved one suffer as I had to get a bail out. I know I will pay back but it was a mean thing to do. My logic was I would make money from the items might do but I should only play with the money I can afford.
Once I pay off those overdrafts I know I can finally forget about the other large loan which is looking after itself as I slowly pay it off. Or save up enough to pay it off early.
I now realise I was being greedy as the gambling got more and more insidious in my life.
Money as they say is not the most important thing in this life although we are brought up to aspire to 'wealth and success'. Too many people are making money their God and just want more and more so can never be fulfilled.
It just makes life a little easier if you don't have to worry so much about .
Work is cr** again, people going 'sick'. Whilist I carry on. Good that I can get extra hours but then they start moaning that I am not performing. Well how the hell can I do my other jobs when I'm covering for other people????
I hate the 'abuse culture' at work they use you when they want to cover the hours then two minutes later they are telling you you are not perfoming when you're under added stress because of short staff or lazy unmotivated people you are working with!
Apologies moan over.... just the ones at the top get the high wages but dont seem to want to put in any extra work for it!!!
Awayout
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