Need to start all over!

Just thought I would catch up as I know it is a danger point if I stay away from the diary too long..

Basically I had a lousy week at work. Skivers again making the work harder for those who are there...

Also the weather was a downer so gloomy.

Feel like moaning various aches and pains eg aching neck when I woke up funny one morning (3 weeks now!). Could well be due to stress of work and finances etc...

January is a long month to wait for pay etc... week to go.

Cannot afford to take off and do stuff but I have not been gambling on the FOBTs when there was a chance to do this. Have been buying lotto, ***** and scratchcards what a sheer waste. For some reason I cannot seem to kick the lottery just yet although I would like too.

Somehow I need to turn things around financially, I have about a year to pay off my 2 overdrafts of nearly 5k before I can even tackle my consolidation loan.

I admit it is weighing me down. It does not sound much for some people but I am on low wage and as I mentioned before, charges are £70 a month....

Cant wait to change my life around. Im mid thirties and life has seemed to pass me by and I am wasting some of my future because of the debts....

How did I get myself into this mess???

Awayout

Hi Awayout,

As you know I have written quite a number of responses on your diary.

You state you are mid thirties and life has passed you by. Get real mate. Mid thirties , your life is yet to really begin. Ok you are in bad debt due to gambling. STOP Gambling completely , forget your debt, put what you can aainst it each month and slowly but surely it goes. Then you can start saving , spending money as you please. First stop gambling completely , FOBT's are the biggest con in gambling history, after only one thing and that of course is The natlotto. A con, plus would really want to get money through winning on that. I know for sure I wouldn't , I would rather be in the debt I am than take anything from them. Take Care

Hi Awayout

Plenty of time to turn you life around.You are still young. I waited too long ,but realised its never too late. Good times are coming to you awayout.Put the work in and i promise you things will get better. All the best Jeff.

Hi havent been on diary a few days so thought I would.. thanks to the recent responses. January has been a tough month but I am getting through it...

I am trying to handle situations better in my daily life. As regards work I am taking the attitude "if I am doing as best as I can in the time available then that's all I could do". It is just not worth getting stressed about!

I realise that chasing losses is no good or having too many regrets and worrying the whole time about the debt caused by past gambling. Indeed I used debt as a reason to gamble more. At times I easily had enough to write off large chunks of the debt but I never did! Why? I was do addicted it would always end up in the hands of the casinos/bookies pockets...

Apologies to others and myself for constantly going on about cash problems but that is the nature of gambling addiction to cause financial and emotional stresses.

Yes lotto is a con as are scratchcards must give them up completely. So are other forms of gambling. The odds are always well against you...

Awayout

Awayout

Ok today Fridays never too bad as I have my weekend break to look forward to.

Saturdays quite tough now as I sometimes still think about the FOBTs was really fighting it last week... found myself looking at them yestersday as I walked by saw noone on them guess they are still taking money off people.

The bookies seem eerily empty at the moment. I hear stories of how the machines have ruined people and guess that might be affecting their business. Short termism for profit on greedy machines by greedy people does not work!!! The same way many businesses have been ruined by greedy execs.

Just my thought for the day...

Awayout

Ok today Fridays never too bad as I have my weekend break to look forward to.

Saturdays quite tough now as I sometimes still think about the FOBTs was really fighting it last week... found myself looking at them yestersday as I walked by saw noone on them guess they are still taking money off people.

The bookies seem eerily empty at the moment. I hear stories of how the machines have ruined people and guess that might be affecting their business. Short termism for profit on greedy machines by greedy people does not work!!! The same way many businesses have been ruined by greedy execs.

Just my thought for the day...

Awayout

I have not been on the diary for about a week I feel if I am not careful I will begin to slip!

I admit to going in an arcade and going on the slots on Saturday not in bookies which I am sekf excluded from. OK I did not lose anything but could have easily spent last £50 I had...

I feel the main problem is the lottery. I must be buying at least £10 worth of scratchcards and similar amount on lottery tickets = £20 a week. In all the time doing lottery etc one decent £20 win on scratchcard the rest not even one £10 win on the lotto all last year and this.

Quite frightening I have given up roulette but now spending £80 a month on lottery and scratchcards. Something I could well do without asI need the money to pay off overdraft debt,,,

Any advice as I cannot self exclude from buying lottery terminals? Trouble is that odd £1 here and there soon adds up.

I know it's a load of cr** (more chance of being struck by lightening twice), but I am finding it hard to go cold turkey.

Awayout

Hi Awayout

"I feel the main problem is the lottery."

I would suggest that the main problem is GAMBLING... fullstop.. pure and simple. I am much the same.. take one form of gambling away then i would gravitate towards another. Thats why I have blocking software on my computer.. cos i know that after a few beers a part of me would love to spend half the night gambling online. And ive read so many times how people have mixed and matched gambling styles. The gambling monster within don't give a dam where it gets it fix.

For me gambling addiction maintains itself for the following reasons...

1. The continuing belief that gambling can solve ones financial problems.

2. The craving for the dopamine high.. more commonly known as the "buzz"

3. Escape from reality

Recovery aint easy for any of us. It aint easy for me. You may have read that i also gambled again after many months off it.

All the best to your continuing journey.. maintaining committment to deal with ones gambling problem is the important bit. Regards.. S.A 🙂

Yes SA you are right committment is the tough part to giving up gambling.

I have done well so far in getting as far as I have banning myself from bookies and stopping roulette (also blocked online).

The next stage would be to give up the lotto.

At times though I admit lotto has encouraged other forms of gambling but truthfully has stopped me going to bookies when urges are bad. But lotto is still an addiction if you do it every week!

Scratchcards are a no-no I am just wasting too much cash on them maybe 30-40 £ a month that pays one of my overdraft fees. I have got to stop that...

I am going to try sure as hell to stop the scratchcards they are a waste of space!!!

Awayout

Hi Awayout,

I,ve followed your diary from day one and if i,m honest you,ve had limited success with your personal battle with this addiction.

I say this with the greatest respect because nobody should ever knock a tryer and i believe you are trying (at times hard too) BUT i think it would be worthwhile if you give ALL forms of gambling a wide berth for a while.

Do what i did in my very early days of recovery,i couldnt tell myself i was giving up gambling completely,it seemed at the time to be too much for my head to handle and it put me under too much pressure,pressure i didnt need at that time.

I told myself i was just laying off the betting for a while,taking a breather,gambling wasnt going anywhere,it will wait for me and if i ever want to return it will welcome me back(with the usual disastorous results i might add but hey us gamblers dont remember our losses do we LOL).

Well it helped me a lot in them early days,i used to talk to myself (a bit crazy i know but what the hell) saying "I,ll leave it today and have a bet tomorrow" but you know that tomorrow didnt come for a long time,19 months to be exact.

When eventually i did succumb to having a bet i,m convinced even to this day that my mind has altered,i just dont look at gambling as i used to so conclusion,i might as well not bother with it ever again,RESULT!!!.

I just think theres plenty of ways of getting away from gambling full stop but a little reverse psychology on keeping the pressure off can sometimes go along way.

Regards,

"" A NEW LIFE ""

Hi A New Life

I think I will take a leaf out of your book.

Gambling is doing me no favours. I lost £25 on scratchcards today after having a weekend gambling free. I already said I did not want to waste my cash on scratchcards but I did.

Feel like I am swapping FOBTs for scratchcards/lottery.

I agree with your idea about taking a wide berth around gambling. Desperately need a breather from it all.

Hope I can get there

Awayout

you will get there awayout everyone here is gunning for you, you just need to really WANT to get there. are u sick and tired of being sick and tired yet?

Hi Awayout,

I like what ANL says "I,ll leave it today and have a bet tomorrow" .. kinda takes the pressure off a bit. Iv'e been using it myself recently.. a useful psychological ploy. All the best.. S.A 🙂

Hi Just to say I have relapsed after 2 months off FOBTs (Fixed odds betting terminals) and what I would call 'heavy betting'

Risked taking my card with me to another town. Day started well with shopping . Couple days off.

Spent all my holiday money on gambling and feel like **** so eveything left for bills.

I probably knew I was going to end up in there but never intended to spend best part of £300

Same old story. Began just on dogs/horses ok. Then on FOBTs. I saw someone else playing them and thought have a go. Big mistake. Thought I was safe but once that couple quid went in went back for more with virtually no wins. Then went to cash point to chase losses we all know the story.

Was in a complete dream had been doing so well. Should have listened to mother who suggested I only cash a cheque for small amount for shopping and not take card to 'be safe'.

Now have to find the rest of money for bill again and some progress made on getting my overdraft down lost. Yes I am living in my overdraft - not a healthy way of living.

Have a social event and time on my hands which is never good for me. Looking back I realise that the betting was not fun at all and gave no pleasure not even an inkling of a half-decent win. Just feeling like I was part of the machines cycle in complete control of me, almost in a dreamlike state. Sort of know that I should stop but could not.

Win-Win-Lose it's all the same with gambling.

Not proud of my actions after doing fairly well. I expect no symapthy as my own stipod actions allowing FOBT in my life again by going in a bookies. Will have to self exclude from final opening in that other town/bookies.

Must remember greed never pays. I had enough for the month with a bit spare but had bought a few things and thought I could get the cash back. Have a bit tucked away which I have got to use up. Gambling makes matters worse but I know I was missing the fix.

I don't really enjoy gambling or the consequences and cannot control in at an acceptable level.

Need to sort myself out

Awayout

Hi I want to report some positives depsite my recent relapse after 2 months off FOBTs

Firstly, I am bouncing back emotionally much more quickly.

Secondly, I am accept fully my own responsibility and I chose to gamble. It was my own fault for allowing myself that point to gamble by walking in the bookies..

Thirdly, I failed to stop when I knew I had crossed the line I gone on the machine in the first place. The only thing that has worked is never allowing the opportunity to arise.

I am seeing this as a blip on my recovery and not a step towards further gambling. I know I can move forward without gambling.

I know I did not enjoy any of the gambling if I am to be honest. There were certain warning signs in the day that I should have recognised could set me off to ruin myself by gambling.

If my routine is too relaxed and that is dangerous for me. I was on holiday so too much time on my hands and then the day was disrupted by a domestic thing in the house going wrong.

This made me want to get out the house. I was also bored as no work (big danger). Ended up taking my card. Had been warned not to but genuinely felt I would not fall into the trap of gambling.

Secrelty though I knew I would probably end up in there for a flutter as I have not gambled in a bookies soo long. We had one of the same branch opening up near where I live. This reminded me constantly about some of the good and bad times in that brach in the other town.

When I get a relapse in tends to build very slowly now. Not one trigger but many small warning signs and situations where I am likely to gamble.

Fortunately I have a little tucked away so I can replace my bill money in the couple months I had stayed away.

So now I am saying no gambling can wait. I do not want to put too much pressure on the recovery as I know that is not the best way as someone else here suggested.

Must take it easy

Awayout