Need to start all over!

I have never been more happy when earning money and getting the reward that way. Just a pity I have been wasting it all.

I was reading some religious things about gambling and how it is not good spiritually to think you should gain something without any effort. Also someone else is losing in order that there is money to win. Again not morally good.

It is strange I come from a family where we were always taught to be careful with the little you have and money is not the important thing in life. However in school etc and in the media money does seem to be the goal as part of happiness.

I need to feel inner peace with who I am and whatever I have. You see it all the time people striving for more and more materially and some never happy.

I am not being greedy but would just like to be comfortably off and with a property and pray this can be achieved with my parents still around to see it.

I could have probably bought a small flat with all the cash I have wasted on gambling. Gambling is not the way.

I mentioned before I am in a job which involves gambling products so i really want to try and get something where I am not doing this it is a constant reminder.

Awayout

Awayout,

I have read your posts quite a bit and i'd say your gambing is like a boomerang. You have a few lossess then throw it away only for it to return and bite you again. The cycle continues.

Don't get me wrong im not trying to judge you but since you posted in 2008 have you made any progress? Maybe you enjoy a flutter too much? maybe you should reduce your stakes if you are going to gamble. As you say your not in a well paid job.

what if you took a hobbie up ? do you run or play football? what about fishing? The good weather is coming in. You can't be a burden on your mum forever. You owe it to your family and self respect. Come on give yourself a kick in the a**e and face your demon head on !!! your running outta chances. Hope i dont sound harsh but someone needs to tell you to wake up and wise up.

Kind regards,

Pauly

Yes Pauly I have hobbies but when I run low on cash for some stupid reason I still get awful urges to gamble and forget the past pain and think I can still win.

I really mean I am going to go cold turkey for as long as I can. I really am sick to the back teeth of gambling

Awayout

What a fantastic post on ali,s diary mate....well said...best wishes for your own recovery....you can do it my friend....stay strong. 😉

Hello Awayout,

Im exactly the same i can relate to your posts.

I have hobbies but gambling takes over sometimes. ( rather loads of times )

Pauly

I know I still get tempted to gamble and the last month have relapsed

I need to remind myself how much lower the gambling losses and 'lows' really make me feel these days than they did years ago.

All the money I have ever earnt and put away has gone back to gambling or paying off debts which helped service the gambling addiction earlier on in my life.

Debts currently stand: Have paid off just over a quarter (5k) of 20k consolidation loan. This was 10k + 10k in interest charges (rip off banks). 7.5 years to pay off unless I find the money before and pay off earlier...

Also 4.8k in overdrafts.

Believe it or not my debts were WORSE that this a few years back with another loan of 3k and credit card maxed out to 3k....

If I pay off the larger one earlier the interest/total debt will be less than the 20k

But currently earning under 8 grand a year. Hardly seems worth working...

I also need to have money to live out of this. I think I may contact CCCS and look at the options it is making life too hard

Awayout

Hi Awayout,

Yes contact CCCS and take there advice. My guess is that they will advise bankruptcy or something not far short of this. Earning less than 8k a year would probably mean that you wouldnt have to make any repayments to the official receiver and a year later or whenever your discharged from bankrutpcy you will be debt free. A fresh start!

In not having debt repayments you will be in a position to make some payments to your mum and save to rent your own place perhaps and also have some cash to live your life more fully. Youve been stressing about your debts for years just like i did.. sounds like now is the time to take some action to deal with them once and for all. Just my view, take care.. S.A

Hello Awayout,

Can relate alot to your post. Debts can hang over you and cause alot of stress. The trouble is they are always there pressing down on you.

I mean under 20k debt is'nt great but if you could concentrate on not going above 20k and limit it at that. Gradually chipping away at the debt. You should definately seek advice mate.

My debts are approx 10k but im hoping by christmas it should be down to 8k. Basically thats my target for the year. Im not on a great wage myself. Well about 19k at the minute. Not that much when running a house and car on my own.

Gambling has'nt helped me mind you. I did get rid of 2 credit cards and that was a big plus. Stay strong Awayout you will get through this. Its not easy but you must work hard to stay on the wagon.

Anyway best of luck in your continued recovery.

All the best,

Pauly.

Yes I think you are right.

I have to think not to add any more debt to the problem. More gambling relapses seems to do that.

I checked out my debt solutions they seemed to say bankruptcy would be unsuitable instead the voluntary contributions.

But that is still 5 years so not much different than I am doing now and the banks can refuse to accept what you are offering them at any time. I don't really want that hassle of that at the moment.

Still feeling like **** over last relapses. Gambling when you are poor does seem like one of the few options to make a mint but that is not why I started in the firstplace I simply did it as an activity...

I know for a fact had I not been introduced to the FOBTs and 'the game' of roulette I would not be in the situation I am in now..

Anyway I think the rainy weather is making me feel miserable but I know the gambling would make me feel 10x worse.

Hope everyone is doing fine in their recoveries

Awayout

Hi diary!

I don't know why but I am feeling down today.

The same old syndrome not enough money after getting paid - still feeling tempted to gamble to make up shortfall..

Stupid I know. Guess that is the addiction calling to me.

Was feeling slightly better with the good weather. Now it is gloomy again and I cannot fake happiness with the great weather.

My life is still a mess - too much junk around I have a few days off so am going to try and make a start...

I go to church but it did not make me feel much better although better to be doing something.

Little things are really irritating me at the moment and I know that is always a bad sign.

I don't want to be a drain on other people going around looking a bit miserable and not feeling fulfilled in mid thirties.

There is a reunion coming up soon (school) and I think that has made things hit home how far I feel in my own head how far I am lagging behind in terms of success compared to my ex-classmates...

Must shrug it off I know. I am working Bank Hol which should take my mind off and I am really praying I can start over again.. not feeling so negative.

Sorry to drone. Its to myself and in my diary anyway...

I have that really pathetic feeling about my own selfworth and my energy is lacking at the moment.

Here's to a better day tomorrow. I think I am

slightly under the weather with sore throat which I have not had a long time.. which does not help.

I don' really want sympathy as I put myself in this predicament but any advice to uplift my mood would be appreciated!

Awayout

Hi, we all have these black moods, I think. I know I do. I was feeling down the past couple of days.

You say you go to Church, so I presume you have a belief in God. I have prayed for God's help and have asked for my mood to be lifted and have found I have felt uplifted and happier.

I know I have to make an effort too. Just a thought. It may work for you

I really wish you well in your battle with this addiction - you can do it

Hope you don't take any offence at my suggestion. It is meant sincerely

Lili

Thanks Lili your post cheered me up and I tried what you said (about the mood lifting).

The sore throat is there but the black mood has gone.

Awayout

Awayout

I feel for you m8 having to work on a bank holiday,especially when you are ill.You have done well to get over the weekend.Stay strong Jeff.

Hi I managed to get through Monday and still have the stinking cold. I think these things sometimes strike when you are going through a low point in your life.

For ages I have been quite well so a shame when I wanted to enjoy my weekend a bit more.

I think in a way working Bank Holiday was a blessing as it took my mind of things, (despite lousy sore throat )Though was not exactly busy!

Looks like it is going to rain all day so don't feel like going out. I tried to check my balance yesterday and the ATM did not accept it 3 times so I need to go to the bank.

I swear it was the right number. Hope it was not some scamming devise on it or something I cannot afford to have money stolen

I am absolutely surrounded by life's clutter and feel penned in by junk by things I do not need.

Hopefully I can do something with my space and can move again. Dejunkifying is no wasy task but I think it does represent your state of mind. I need to clear up!

Some of it is that I see things as having a 'resale value' but harder to do that than it looks. I may just chuck a load of stuff out in the rubbish or charity shops soon.

Things are slightly harder when you don't have your own car (my case) as I cannot afford to run one now..

Managed to get up a bit earlier today and feel a bit more motivated, one job at a time. If I try and change or organise myself in one go as I sometimes do in fits of inspiration nothing ever gets done!!!

Awayout

Reading someone's similar post prompted me to post this.

Just had a family visitor. They were tied up with doing something else when they were here waiting for somebody or another.

This basically stressed me out (though I did not show it). This meant that I was unable to do anything with a day off with them or rest of family. I hate it when other people in your family seem to take precidence and it only matters 'what they are doing' when they visit.

It could have easily been a nice day out somewhere but they had other plans going somewhere else later. Well it just happened I was having a day off and I might have plans also.

Of course I am not saying it was not nice to see them but them were only here on a flying visit. Even a meal out was rushed because they had to be picked up by someone at such a such a time...

These sort of family 'stress' situations as someone else mentioned can be a trigger to my gambling. I am going to have to be careful. I wonder if I have turned to gambling as a way of 'gaining control' when emotionally upset or feeling walked over or suffering low self esteem.

I am one of those types who people do not like to hear the opinon of. Only they are right. Or if I say something they see it as something to react badly to. I am not saying anything too controversial or incorrect. It seems 90% of the time people will try and take a different view when in a conversation etc.. Maybe they just think they are cleverer than me I don't know.

Half the time I think it is even my own family members think I should just sit there and say nothing.

I am still fighting off this flu like cold so I guess that is some of feeling this more than usual. I am one of the one's in the family who has not made a great success of things as regards relationships career or wealth and I am sure that has a lot to do with it.

Will have to watch myself. Life really stinks sometimes. A few days off and my plans seem to have gone wrong and I feel like ****

Awayout