new beginning

Hey Mr Toad... take the feedback on the chin. Its all well meaning.

One thing you could do, is get some passport sized photos and then exclude from your nearest and/or most frequented bookies. Ask for 5 years.. they will try to fob you off with 6 months. You then ask/insist on a photocopy of the paper work and show it to your wife. A confidence building measure!

I remember when I went round all the local places where I gambled and excluded I found myself wanting to show my friends (those that i'd confided in) if only to demonstrate that i was serious about trying to stop. I felt good for doing something positive.

I know that there are millions of bookies and many a compulsive gambler has said... "well that being so, whats the point?"... but as the saying goes "every little helps" and it might just save you a bunch of money.

Keep posting, regards.. S.A

Good morning,

Day 1,

Going to visit my mum and dad today so looking forward to that. Hopefully the flood waters have receeded so there is road to drive on and not a lake. This toad can swim but it's a bit cold even for Toad.

Going to have a light breakfast aswell before I head. I am also day 9 without alcohol aswell which is all good.

I wish you all a gamble free day. Stay safe peeps.

Optimistic Toad

Ok Toad. So we know what you are having for breakfast but have you got any plans to put barriers in place in preparation for the next opportunity in the horizon?. Make today a different type of day 1 and do something proactive.

How did your counselling session go? Have you come away with any new thoughts?

Come on mate, make this THE day 1 and get those barriers set!

Morning Sbisstopping,

Today I am only carrying money for petrol. I am going to be in a different town aswell. I do plan on self excluding were I work.

I have self-excluded in all 4 bookmakers were i live. That has saved me alot.

My counselor texted he had a slipped disc in his back. So i just went home early.

I really am serious about quitting gambling this time. I have strong will power when i put my mind to it. Lets all quit. Stop funding the turfs lavish lifestyle. Stop feeding the fobt's. Stop backing greyhounds.

But never stop believing,
Toad

Morning toad,

Positivity plays a big part in our recovery, and you my friend have it:)))

Have a good gambling free day.

Suzanne xxx

Thankyou I wished. Also thankyou everyone for your constructive comments. I do appreciate people taking the time to give advice. I just need to act upon it.

Good luck everyone in your recovery.

T

Hello, Toad,

Glad to hear of the SE but is the town that you work in and the town that you were in today the same town? If not, I would recommend increasing the SE to all towns you visit, this is one case where you can't have too much of a good thing.

Stay safe,

CW

Hi Toad , Glad to hear your doing the footwork and Self excluding ! Can't believe you only have 4 bookies to go around , that should take you no time at all , I have to walk past 4 just to get to the next 4 ! LoL !

By the way , my uncles a Turf accountant to give them there proper title [ could think of better things to call em !] and he's well piiisssseddd that you and I are no longer gonna fund his lavish lifestyle !.

Stay safe fella !!

Day 2,

Thankyou Cynical wife and Alan,

Yes my home town is near the coast and only has 4 bookmakers. I have self excluded from them all. They were very good. One day I was grocery shopping and the lady clerk of the turfs bumped into me and asked how I was. She said she was worried about me and was genuinely concerned. I thought that was really nice. The move to exclude is a good barrier.

There is one thing that does bother me at the minute and I worry for the future. It's been nearly 2 years since the wife has managed my finances. Will I ever take control again?

Toad

You will be able to when you finally get into recovery Toad! @ the moment, you are not even close & to be honest, she's not managing the finances well @ all! This is not a criticism of her, merely an observation. I don't know if it was different 2 years ago but when I handed mine over, my accounts were checked @ least once a day (all of them) & there is no way on this earth I could have hidden the losses you have had recently! I'd like to think I couldn't have hidden any losses but as people will know from my diary, early doors, I was squirrelling away 'pennies' & managed to get my 'stash' up to about £20 I think. Nowadays, I have to nudge him to keep his eyes wide open but I'm comfortable with my recovery & we have regular updates with how that is going so if I start to falter, he will have to re-grip the finances.

You need to start with worrying about the todays...They are the only days you can control - ODAAT

Hi, Toad,

Move the goalposts. Handing over the finances is not a punishment, it's a crutch that you'll probably need long term. My husband says that it helps him. And from my viewpoint, it protects me and the children, therefore it's permanent.

So what about equality in the relationship? It can be done, but not the way you're going about it.

I have a cousin who was happily married to a CG for 40 years, they had a single major crisis when she found the mortgage unpaid and the savings account empty, they had to move to a smaller house because of it. She issued the ultimatum in a time when divorce was a disgrace. He did commit to the family but at the same time, said that he couldn't control himself and they had to work round his weakness. This was pre Internet, easy credit and FOBT. She took on full financial control but insisted that he was involved when she "did her accounts" each month, he cooperated and they were able to respect each other. Even then, she said she sometimes felt like a jailor but they both understood that was the way things had to be.

The problem with your previous fifteen slips is that they have fired up the addiction and kept it alive, even if your losses were minimal. Hence the advice to stop.

My cousin and her husband had respect for each other, that has to be earned. Sneaking to the turf accountants behind her back won't achieve much of it. If you want things to change, be more....responsible in your approach.

BW,

CW

Morning toad im not surprised you didn't gamble yesterday and you probably won't today that's because you have excluded from the bookies. Tomorrow will be the test when you go back to work where you have not self excluded from the bookies I don't think you have had a bet at the weekend since you have SE so surely you can see this works and you need to extend it to your work area

Good luck tomorrow keep us updated

Hi Toad, you state you are planning to self exclude, hope this plan is ready to turn into action and you have your photos ready!

With regard to taking back control of you finances, this is a perfectly reasonable question, but one which should be asked when you are confident that you have no desire or intention to gamble - the latter states of recovery! You often mention your honesty, if you are honest with yourself, what do you think would happen if you had uncontrolled access to money? I would focus on tomorrow and then the next day, eventually and hopefully (and it will be sometime away) it will be the time to think about regaining some sort of access to money.

I also agree that for someone who has asked his wife to control funds, you do seem to have a lot of opportunity to complete the time, location, money triangle. It's time to bite the bullet and give yourself every chance of abstinence by having no accessible money and self excluding.

For what it's worth, when I was in the early stages of recovery, I carried a bunch of envelopes addressed to "the manager" they contained letters with a photo advising of my request to self exclude or 5 years from their shop. Every time i was in a town where I saw a bookies (obviously I had fully removed the money side of the triangle) I just walked in and passed one over the counter and walked out. Whilst this might not follow their proceedures, I made it very clear in the letter that should I enter their shop again, I expected to be told to leave as per their SE policy. This made sure that next time I was in town (with money and time) I would not have the location. I know that I have self excluded in every location I frequent and rely on my willpower most when I visit new locations. It certainly helps me.

Toad, do the right thing tomorrow mate and come back and tell us about it!

Cheers

Day 2

All good on frog avenue this morning. On the bus heading to work.

I wish you all a gamble free day,

I leave you with a joke.
Q) What did the bus conductor say to the toad?
A) HOP-ON lol

Terrrrrrific Toad.

Morning, Toad,

Hope you're duly equipped with the wherewithal to self exclude from the bookies in the town where you work.

Have a gf day.

CW