new beginning

Evening Toad, was not going to post, and give an opinion, but here goes, your first post of the day says it all for today,

I said to you a while back, you are playing with recovery, and I am beginning to think you are playing with the good folk on here, so your posts are not honest ones, you knew this morning you were going to hop on to that bookie bus.

You are playing a dangerous game, but you know that.

Suzanne

Poor woman, she'll think it's something she's done.

Toad , I still get the feeling this is all being said a bit tongue in cheek ? , I hope I'm wrong and you do make that effort and with that in mind I won't be posting on your thread again until you show some effort and commitment to yourself and to everyone on the forum who continue to support your recovery !.

Hope you can do it my friend and best wishes for now !

.

Hello Folks,

I am taking this site serious. As of today I have quit gambling. I am not on this site for entertainment.

I am not on here to mock anyone.
People have helped me on this site. Some members are disrespecting Mr and Mrs Toad.

I am here for recovery.

Optimistic Toadsie

Morning everyone,

It's 3am and I can't sleep. Wrecked 🙁

Hoping this ВЈ180 hits my account soon. I have £20 to keep me now this week. That's enough.

I just need to get through the week and rebuild.

My diary is full of ups and downs.

Life is a rollercoaster you just gotta ride it.

Anyway good luck people in your recovery.

Tired Toad.

Hi Toad,

How is your day going. Barriers high I hope.

Best wishes

.

Hi Toad , not sure if your last post on my page was for me ? , But I don't smoke , I do like a laugh but I don't gamble anymore and one of the reasons this is possible is through the genuine support of others on this site who genuinely want to stop gambling .

Also my triangle is always broken and I have blocks so big , the Jolly green giant wouldn't be able to step over them , you should give it a go !.

Take care!

Toad thanks for your messages on both of my threads:))

You remind me in some ways of my son, (throwing the dolly out of the pram) I hope you kept that 20 safe, I know you do want support from here, and I am not giving up on you, (might give you tough love at times lol) but as always here for you.

Suzanne xxx

Evening Toad

This may be against my better judgement but here goes.

I'm not sure if this is what your after your diary at the top of the pile but it will be again.

I thought a hell of a lot about you yesterday and even went to sleep thinking about your plight and how I would feel and I'll be honest i would feel P****d off but you have to understand how frustrating it is for all the people offering support and picking you up time and time again.

You have to commit to this,if you really want it. if not comeback when you get to that really dark place, everyone's is different and you don't know till you get there but you will once you hit it.

I'm not going to wash my hands of you but I am going to take a step back and watch how you are doing and when I see some commitment from you to make the changes you need to and stop making the same mistakes only then will I recommit to you

KTF I DO

Hello Alan,i wished and Oldham,

Thankyou very much for your comments.

I promised to be honest in my diary. At this stage i am really concerned for my welfare and mental state.

I feel like I am chasing money and It's got worse.

Today I had £20.00 and I had to get lunch out of it.

I went on the fobt and blew the lot. Lunch and all. How sad is that? I gambled my lunch. I had a yougart for lunch.

People have been very genuine on here. I might need a few days to get my head around today. I have gambled my lunch in the past but not often.

I need a good nights sleep. I feel numb. Since i cleared my debts the urge to gamble has been extreme.

The only positive is i havent ordered a credit card or payday loan. I can't put myself through that again.

Toad

What do you actually want from this forum? I am going to be honest with you. If you don't like it - tough.

You gambled again today. Good for you. I hoped it made you really happy. Why are you back posting. Probably because you lost and feel sorry for yourself.

Your state will be fine again when you find the cash and the time to gamble again

I am with Oldham. I will not give up on you but will wait for a post where toad has made an effort. Then I may comment further

A rather bored balvaird

PS - take a packed lunch

Hello Balvaid,

Thanks for your post. I see you are nearly as frustrated as I am with myself.

I record daily that's my plan. Tonight I will make a packed lunch. My goal tomorrow is not to go into the turfs. I am finding it difficult on a daily basis. But tomorrow I will definately not go in.

If the money hits my account tomorrow i will phone the bank immediately and reduce the overdraft.

The last couple of weeks I have got heavily involved with gambling. This will have to end or my life will be destroyed.

I know life is short. I am 40 now. I don't want 13 more years of gambling.

I have received great advice on here and I understand people have lost patience but this is my diary and it is helping me record progress or lack of. But it is my diary and people have a choice to read my entries or not.

But as I said I totally understand my diary has not been a textbook recovery in fact more like a car crash.

I need to take one day at a time from now on.

Some day life will be sunny at frog avenue. The birds will be singing and a butterfly might flutter by as you breathe in the fresh country air. Life will be good.....

Good luck all in your recovery,

Dreamy Toad.

re post 231, most of the forum shares your concern for your welfare and your mental health. Unfortunately, until such time as YOU do what it takes to stop gambling, there's nothing much to add.

CW