new beginning

Day 1

Morning everyone.

I just feel okay today. The aftermath of yesterday still hurts.

I need to move on now.

Toad.

Hi Folks,

I'm taking a week away to clear my head. This diary of mine is fast becoming a joke.

I'm coming back on payday with a renewed determination.

Today i'm meeting my sister for a steak dinner.

My mood is low. I am a toad without a hop 🙁

See you all on 28th oct 15.

Best of luck in your recovery.

Toad.

Hi Toad, if you happen to read this whilst away from the diary....., I would suggest that you try to access other types of support. If the diary isn't working on its own then I strongly recommend you go to a local GA meeting and contact gamcare for some 121 counselling.

I hope your week "away" is kind to you and look forward to your update when you return

Day 1

Yesterday wasn't great but I know in my heart it's time to change.

Today is day 1.

Good luck everyone in their recovery.

Toad.

Hi Toad and welcome back.

Let's get those barriers in place so the days can mount up again.

You know what you need to do.

Best wishes

Hi Toad, welcome back. I concur with Balvaird, make sure the time, money, location triangle is broken. Have you considered going to GA or getting some counselling from gamcare. I found GA a good help to keep me focussed.

Day 2

Morning. Well it's day 2. Feeling okay. I ran last night with the running club which i enjoyed. I need to replace gambling with less destructive hobbies.

Well it has got very serious. I have been told if i gamble again the marriage is over which i agree with. So if that's not a good reason to stop......

Time heals.

Good luck everyone in their recovery.
Toad.

Good morning toad.

Well done for continuing to post. I was also given the same ultimatum by my wife and believe me is shakes you to your foundations when you think what you can lose in a fobt as opposed to a relationship.

One day at a time.

Best wishes

Hi toad,

You did not give up on giving up, and your diary was not a joke:)) it showed how hard abstaining and maintaining can be:))

You can do this, small steps, one day at a time, and actually being kind to yourself, is a massive positive.

2 days already well done.

Keep strong and determined.

Suzanne xxx

Hi Toad, you know that this is THE time! Take it one day at time and the the days soon add up. I assure you, it will get better and it will get easier! All the best Toad.

Day 3

Waking up in this nice hotel outside Dublin with the wife. Yesterday was the best day i have had in ages. No gambling and enjoying life.

My gambling counselor texted and is contacting me on Monday. I have seen him on 2 periods before so i am hoping this will help me.

Starting to feel a bit better mentally. Thankyou for you support everyone I will reply on your diaries individually when i get home today.

Good luck in your recovery.

Toad.

Enjoy your break Toad :))

Suzanne xxx

Have a greay break .

And dont stop posting, this site is a brilliant resource.

James

Thankyou Suzanne and Stark.

Some good news. My credit score has increased from good to excellent.

Don't get me wrong i'm not rushing out to get credit cards and payday loans. Just some good news in an otherwise sad 13 years of gambling.

Moving forward now. I do owe £500 on my overdraft. So I hope to pay that off at some stage.

The key is not to gamble or this amount will increase. Do the maths as they say.

Any way good luck in your recovery.
Toad.

Morning Forum,

Day 4.

Just had a nice breakfast. Couple of fried eggs and a coffee 🙂

Still feeling a bit of regret about the last amount of money I lost needlessly.

Anyway I do have to let it go.

I need to focus on tomorrow. My wife will give me a £5. So that's what it has come to. But I really don't want that deathly feeling I got after a major loss. Going to sleep that night I tossed and turned. I was overheating and very sad really. I actually thought to myself that night, if i continue i will be sleeping on the street. It made me realise how lucky I am to have a roof over my head. In a way I felt like i didn't deserve to sleep in a warm cosy bed that night and the wife should have threw me out the trouble I caused her.

Maybe with time I can manage my funds again. Sadly I need to learn to trust myself with money and build trust with the wife again.

I am not overly religious but I will say a short prayer for a better future.

Thankyou all for your comments aswell I really appreciate each and every one.

Today will be a good day with no gambling. Bookies closed and I have no online accounts.

I leave you with a quick story regarding online gambling before I decided to quit it. I get a ВЈ1.5k limit credit card. I'm sitting outside on a bench in the cold spinning roulette. I end up hunched over and ВЈ1.2k down. An old man walks past and asks am i ok as i spin the wheel. I get home and go to sleep. I ring the bookmaker the next day to see if i have a bonus. He tells me i am self excluded and i get the loss refunded of £1.2k. Did that not teach me a lesson......no i continued to gamble.

Good luck all in your recovery.

Toad.