new beginning

Agree if people don't like your diary Paul they should stay away. It's pretty simple.

Yet some repeatedly read this diary... and repeatedly take offence or get upset.

Addict doesn't follow a stranger's advice, shock horror! Advice on here shouldn't come with strings. Stop trying to control and let go.

Paul might not be making strides of others but since when do people get on their high horses judging someone struggling?

Paul is unusual in that he's out there - most skulk off, do the damage, and return cap in hand.

I've not gambled for 3.5 years. Superior? No i was an addict before that for 14 years but chose hiding and denial rather than risk failure.

I definitely don't think I'm in a position to judge or have a go at another addict online.

Hello Paul,

You really are your own worse enemy, with which all us addicts all seem to be.

I tend to disagree with your negative comment to CW, I see it more as straight talking support. But, on the other hand I completely agree with your ' mocking ' comment on the leader of the pack ' mentality ' diary. A ego bully. Indeed, the best form of defense is attack, yet, on the other hand it's a complete waste of your energy as the only thing that really matters is you and your Mrs.

There is a awful lot of S****e you write on your diary, which to me I tend to go along with as I also tend to write S****e on mine. It is after all your diary.

Your Mrs deserves Paul, not the Toad. I happen to have worn that t - shirt, hence the reason why I'm writing this post sat in a beer garden.

The moral is filter out the S****e and heed to the advice some good people have given to you.....

Thankyou Cardhue and volcano,

Your posts are genuine and made me smile. I will think about what you have said when i go to bed tonight.

Cardhue i haven't followed all advice but i have self excluded from 6 bookies and i really am trying. Thankyou for not judging me cardhue. Although when i look at my own diary i totally understand why people get frustrated. Thanks again cardhue.

Thankyou Volcano. I just felt someone was laughing and mocking me. You are right Mrs toad and my family come first.

I know alot of people say this but my wife is also my best friend. That's why 2 years ago i decided to choose my wife rather than a life of gambling. I told her i needed help. I needed her to manage my finances and she has done.

I know i write silly stuff on my diary. I'm just trying to bring some humour. I hope people can understand that. In no way i make light of gambling and the destruction it causes. In fact i really hope some people can learn from my silly mistakes. So maybe i can help someone out there.

Thanks for your advice again and constructive remarks.
I appreciate it.
Toad.

Paul,

Gambling involves deceit, which hurts the person on the receiving end, it jeopardises relationships.

Gambling involves losing money, which jeopardises regular mortgage payments, which leads to repossession.

When you want to do is bet, you can't see beyond the next bet, the future doesn't matter. You've got away with it so far, you'll get away with it again but eventually the inevitable will happen. You'll lose everything.

I'm pointing out reality. No more, no less. Your call whether or not to find out the hard way.

CW

Paul , thanks for your comment , as the King of mockery on this forum you'd now only too well if it was or wasn't ,so think what you wish my friend , I wasn't going to comment again but as you paid me and many others a visit today , who over the last six months have offered so much support to you I feel entitled to tell you what I see .

Your a man who hides behind the mask of a Toad whenever it suits you , when Pauls here there's a difference in your posting your being you for a change and accepting the challenge of recovery , when the going gets tough as it does for all of us at times you run away and hide and then up pop's Toad , talking of his breakfast , lunch and how wonderfull his kippers were for tea , all this is acompanied by a daily promise to all that have offered support , of self exclusions and keeping the Triangle broken , of having photographs ready and then them dissappearing on the bus journey to exclusion , how life has improved because you managed to not gamble for 20 minutes . Although you may not feel it Paul, people really do want to help you , your diary's like a magnet to those in recovery hopeing against hope that one day they might wake up one sunny morning and read of you actually doing what you said you would do the night before but sadly as we are all to aware that never happens and nor will it all the time your in the crazy world of Toad living on his lillypad near the riverbank , gamcare left a message today saying people that did not feel they could offer support should not read your diary , I offered support to you many times Paul , sometimes against my better judgement it was always there , well no more my fellow "Gampeep" youv'e finally made me realise I need to stop wasting my time and maybe you need to think long and hard about you doing the same .

You seek attention in the way a small child does , you want people to reach out to you and feel sorry for you , for your lack of control , then when someone dares to question you commitment to recovery you fly around the forum leaving sarcastic messages like you did with me tonight regarding me mocking you , you deserve to be mocked fella for mocking those that have supported you , no doubt someone among those that have come to put a plaster on your wounds tonight the " there , there brigade will flag this as abusive and to be honest Paul I really don't care , if they feel the nursemaid approach is going to do it for you Paul then youve found a new audience but I and I'm sure many others fell that's not the way anymore and if gamcare want to kick me off for speaking the truth then so be it , I'm not living with my own lies anymore Paul and I'm sure as hell not going to live with yours .

Whatever happens in the morning when admin read this , I wont be posting to you anymore and If I'm here or not I still hope you find the strength to be honest with yourself for once and embrace recovery .

" The truth hurt's Paul but sometimes a little pain makes you heal far quicker "

" The Sardines back in the tin "

Quality edition of the daily Alan - spot on. I refrain from posting here as I find it insulting to the rest of the adults trying to progress. I've bitten my lip for way too long. Sort it out Paul... stop trying to grab attention through juvenile means. It's tiring. We want you to stop gambling not to stop and start and more over not to do so in such a flippant manner.

Morning All,

I lept outta bed this morning feeling great. I slept like a baby.

Just had a nice breakfast of peanut butter and toast washed down with tea.

Toad is ready to face the day with no gambling.

Toad let's do this.
Toad.

12.14 update.

In the Toad bar for a few cold ones. Life is good.

Hi all,

5 pints at lunch then back to work. Let's hold my job down lol
Boom

Toad

Dutch courage to finalize that last exclusion ?
Not a problem ....longs the jobs done !
Not letting go Paul means you can't move on...just saying !

Hi all,

I feel so frog drunk. Been falling off my lily pad. Too many drinks. Ribit burp burp
Burp
Ribit
Burp burp burp
Ribit
Burp
Ribit
Toad

No doubt it will be a visit to the turfs soon and stop tomorrow.

Lets hope i am wrong

Wow you are an inspiration I too have 5 payday loans 2 high interest long term loans ВЈ9,500 on credit cards ВЈ2,200 overdraft £3,500 to family god looks so bad written down all this down to gambling but reading you have paid it all back gives me great hope thank you x

Hi dizzy,

I'm glad to be an inspiration. Coming on here helped and i don't carry much cash anymore. I'm glad i have helped one addict.

Regards,
Toad.

Hi folks,

I did something silly after work.
I went into a branch of a bookies i'd been self excluded from.
This woman came over and hit the collect button and said you are self excluded.

So embarassing. Although i thanked her.

Toad.

Morning Amphibians,

Just arrived in work. I'm not feeling too bad today.

Athough i still feel stupid going into the self excluded bookies yesterday. Although toad had 3 pints so he was not thinking straight. Not really making any excuses. Just stupid.

I'm leaving around 12 today. Go home and get a few beers for the euros. Loads of work to clear up first.

Gambling is a daily battle. Am i ready to manage my finances? Absolutely not. I will review in at least 6months.

My wife is brilliant with money. She is sensible. She has a stressful job being a principle of a primary school. I don't know how she does it sometimes.

I'm always there for her and i look after her. We are a team and gambling won't beat us.

Toad 1 bookies 0

Go toad.
Toad