New Diary. New Start.

Oh Paul.... I feel for you - I empathise with your situation! You know what needs to be done and YOU WILL DO IT! If your gambling account has been frozen....the money is safe there. At least you can't "chase" - security has necessitated me having to photograph documents on my phone then sending the pics to gambling site - have you done that? When they open your account again .... WITHDRAW your cash and then self-exclude! Hope all goes well. Keep posting. Helen. X

Hi Paul, really feel for ye. Have been there with the anxiety and stress. Things WILL get better because you want them to.

Best of luck at the doctors and hope you keep posting, I'm finding it really helpful being here on this site and I'm sure you will too x

Thank you Helen and Alannah for your comments, your support is much appreciated.

I'm feeling a lot better this evening. Work was tough and I felt tired and distracted for most of the day but I got through unscathed.

My GP has increased my dose of anti-depressant which I'm pleased about, but when I mentioned I'd been gambling destructively he didn't really say anything.

I'm still no further a resolution with the casino who seem to be delaying my withdrawal. I've calmed down a bit now and will wait patiently for a couple more days and see what happens. If I do get the money (which I should eventually) I could be debt free by Xmas... if not it will be a few months further down the line and I will have learnt a very expensive and important lesson (again).

For the record, I'm now 3 days gamble free.

Hi mate I feel your pain,been there so many times.:-( hope you get yourself sorted.Goodluck take care

I'm pleased to have started a new diary here along with reading and contributing to other people's.

Funny thing is, throughout the last few days and weeks of gambling I was still coming here and reading people's stories, then 5 minutes later gambling myself. Utter stupidity. Used in the right way this website can be invaluable in getting back on track.

I don't have anyone else to confide in as I've let so many people down in the past, to do it again is unthinkable.

Hi Paul

I wish you well on your journey

Well done on joining this forum and well done on your days of being gamble free

Best wishes

Suzanne x

Paul

Fella thanks for the kind words upon my thread,I remember your last diary very well and the great support you offered Wilsy along the way.

The doors revolve to recovery my friend,it does not matter how many times you come through the doors,it is what you learn each time you do.

Abstain and maintain

Life will improve if you gift it a choice that will make you a winner.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Thanks, Duncs.

Really struggling to let go from my last gambling binge. Because my withdrawal is still pending and my account is still frozen I can't even check on its progress - I just want closure. I will fight to get my money but strangely think if I'd just lost the money I would be feeling stronger.

I am so distracted at work, checking my personal emails for an update on my gambling account several times an hour. I'm glad it's Friday.

After work I'm going to go and get a haircut just to try and get something positive from the day.

Dear diary,

Friday morning saw me stressing out over my locked account/pending withdrawal so I decided to email them again. Whoever I got through to was very helpful and the upshot was that my withdrawal was approved, processed and my account unlocked.

Anyway, on Saturday evening I made another deposit. I have only just stopped playing and my head is battered. So much stress and anxiety just watching a ball go round a wheel! I've had enough this time. I cannot go on like this.

I've made another withdrawal and have set limits on my deposits. As soon as my withdrawals hit my bank I'm self-excluding. I would do it now but I don't trust them.

I feel like I've been granted a second chance. This could all have gone so horribly wrong. I feel terrible and this is after 'winning'. Goodness knows how I'd be feeling if I was 760 down which is the total sum of my deposits over the last week.

I need to try and calm down now before work tomorrow. I've just had a bath (first wash since Thursday) and listened to some tunes but now I have to go and do a food shop!

Need to sort myself out once and for all.

Feeling determined now.

Can't go back to gambling.

Hello diary,

After the madness of Saturday night/Sunday morning today is another day one.

I don't feel great but I do feel ready to get better. Back to basics for me, one day at a time.

Should be a busy day at work and rather than let that stress me out I will try and see it as a positive.

Onward and upwards.

Best wishes to all.

Back in the land of the living today.

Done a day's work and despite some challenges I got through it. When I got home I went for a run. I only did 3 miles and it was really tough. Wanted to stop and walk after 2 miles but carried on going. I was running about 20 miles a week up until the end of June but as I started to slide into a depression the running got knocked on the head and the gambling started.

All in all a good day with no gambling.

Day 2

Feeling exhausted today! I can't believe it's only Tuesday. I find living one day at a time to be quite tiring. It's the way forward though, as I was productive yesterday and appreciative of the people and things around me.

The temptation to gamble is still there, but I know how it will make me feel and I don't want that.

I will not gamble today because it makes me severely unhappy.

Tough day today.

It had been going reasonably well until I made a pretty bad blunder at work. It was an accident, but I can't help but feel if my mind had been 100% on the job and not thinking about gambling it might not have happened. Anyway, it should get resolved tomorrow but I fear that my bosses might be slowly losing confidence in me.

When I got in I was feeling pretty down about the whole thing so decided to try and have a gamble. Luckily the gaming limits I placed on my account after Sunday's binge meant that I couldn't wager another penny. Lucky escape! As soon as my final withdrawal hits my bank I'm self-excluding from this website.

I have mixed emotions. I had been doing well yesterday and today, but it didn't take much to tip me over the edge. Thankfully no lasting damage has been done, but the worry about my work situation is still there. I just need to hang in there and tough it out. I can't believe the way my life is going after finally thinking I was on to something good just a few short months ago.

I'm hoping I can get back on an even keel before anything disastrous happens. I feel like I'm on the brink but have to keep going.

Hi Paul

Well done to you for abstaining

Your post comes across exhausting me never mind you lol

Rome was not built in one day and there is no quick fix to this destructive addiction

You are doing great coming across very determined

Take one day at a time with everything be KIND to yourself you are doing something amazing, you are not gambling today

Slowly but surely on the roller coaster ride which is abstaining and maintaining

Take positives from negatives that is a good start

Keep going one day at a time and remember

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP

Best wishes

Suzanne xx